


What Am I To You?

by TheOneAndOnly1993



Category: Adventure Time
Genre: After Jelly Beans Have Power, Complicated Relationships, Gen, Guilt, Male-Female Friendship, Past Relationship(s), Set before Islands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2018-10-14 11:44:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 67,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10535787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOneAndOnly1993/pseuds/TheOneAndOnly1993
Summary: This was the last thing Princess Bubblegum needed after landing several of her subjects in the hospital. Just what had gotten into Finn?





	1. A Joke?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonnie is faced with unexpected circumstances.

Although she could see them clear as day, a barrier separated Princess Bubblegum from her subjects.

 _Maybe that's for the best,_ thought the angsty, eighteen-year-old part of her brain. Its partner, ruled especially these recent years by logic and reason, was especially adept at silencing her hormonal half whenever it would get too loud.

 _Please Bonnibel,_ it would say (with her own voice, naturally), _take a deep breath and think for a minute. Here's why this happened, and why it's okay..._ and then proceed to mentally walk the princess through a carefully bulleted list.

Now, however, it was silent.

But Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum didn't even notice. Whenever such a thought would manifest, the pained moans of her subjects echoed like a broken record player. When the most base of instincts urged the princess to leave, to return to her smelly lab and throw herself into her work, she locked eyes with another and froze on the spot.

Bonnie offered a smile, ignorant to the weariness of its exertion, and waved at her creation. Although several yards away, and soundless within the confines of the castle's medical ward, Bubblegum still heard his frightened yelp as though she were right there. The lance already embedded in her bosom deepened further when the cake-shaped candy wrenched his gaze away, trembling like a leaf.

The princess winced, ceasing her motions as her fingers curled slightly.

The other twenty or so operating tables offered a similar display, not a single one different from the other. And strangely, somehow, the hurt intensified rather than lessened.

Like any other day, the logical part of her brain talked some sense into Bubblegum. _You should really get over it,_ it said to her. _The impact of repeated stimuli should, logically, be lessened over time._

Bubblegum loathed to even think such a thing. _Bum-slops to logic, I'm the reason why they're in there. I'm the reason why my citizens were hurt in the first place..._

Bonnie's eyes had been shut tight as these thoughts ran their course, and when she opened them again they were downcast, seemingly trained on the floor but instead on her own tools of destruction.

She squeezed them so tight they trembled. _'Everything was fine until jelly beans were farting out of my palms,'_ she recalled a very arrogant, stupid princess saying not too long ago.

_No, everything was fine, even then. Now, though..._

Bonnie pressed her knuckles to the cool glass, then her forehead, hard enough to yield a resounding beat against the glass. "Glob it..." she cursed. _"_ Glob it, Glob it, Glob it..."

 _There's no reason why you should even be here,_ said her brain.

Standing there like a statue certainly wasn't helping anyone, Bonnie had understood that before she reached the two hour mark. Poor Dr. Ice Cream, Nurse Poundcake, and Doctor Princess could definitely use more help, as they were running from table to table attending to each patient, unprepared for twenty-plus ER patients at once.

All she really could do was create more doctors. And Bubblegum believed she could, once upon a time, before jelly beans were farting out her palms. Now, though, the idea of bringing more life into this world made Bonnie's insides grow agonizingly cold.

She still had not moved away from the glass. Bonnibel clenched her jaw, yet even still some unknown force made it tremble.

"P-Princess?"

Bonnie's head jerked upright, voicing a little gasp as her gaze snapped to the utterance of her title. "Nurse Poundcake, I..." whatever pleasant mask she wore deteriorated as did the words in her throat, and Bubblegum asked the little nurse in a damnably uncertain voice, "Are... Are they alright?"

"Everyone will make a full recovery," Poundcake replied, her brows furrowed with concern. This much was obvious to the princess, but their physical health was not her concern.

Before she could correct herself, the nurse demonstrated what must have been mind-reading powers.

"Um, Pri-Princess Bu-Bu-Bubblegum?" She was shaking so bad Bonnie thought she'd explode, although of all her subjects, the princess knew Poundcake to be one of the most level-headed.

A genuine smile easing onto her face, Bonnie dropped to her knees so she was at eye-level with Nurse Poundcake. "What is it, Nurse?" she softly cooed.

Despite her efforts, Poundcake still looked ready to run back into the ward. "Um, well..." she hesitated, "your presence is making several of the patients a little... uneasy. With all due respect, their recovery will be much smoother if you vacated the premises."

"Oh." Bonnie tried her damndest not to let her true feelings show. "I see."

Poundcake winced. "Ooh, that came out wrong, _really_ wrong. A-Apologies, Princess, I-"

"No." Bubblegum held up a hand. She sighed. "It's cool, I understand." She wore a smile to demonstrate this. Nurse Poundcake mirrored her expression before scurrying back into the medical ward a little too eagerly.

Only when the door swung closed, did Bonnibel permit herself to groan, and groan, and groan until she was slumped up against the wall, hugging her knees, and groaning into them. She was unsure how long she stayed like this, for time always seemed to melt away for Princess Bubblegum, but she was snapped out of her stupor upon hearing the utterance of her name.

"Princess."

Before her was a sight that quelled the storm raging within, that brought a little smile to her face, despite whatever her body was previously urging. "F-Finn?"

The sixteen-year-old had matured so much since they'd first met, all those years ago. When she wasn't consumed in work, Finn was one of the rare few Bonnie felt truly comfortable letting loose with.

As evidenced when Bonnie made her ungraceful rise from the floor, wherein she stumbled a bit amidst her rush. Finn didn't seem to notice, or, more plausibly, had known Bonnie for so long he was used to her goofier quirks when the "Princess Bubblegum" mask was off. Especially now, as her only symbol of royalty was her tiara; a blue-white striped baggy tee and grey basketball shorts didn't make for very princess-y attire.

She turned to him fully, hands clasped before her. "Hey, what brings you here?" She subconsciously shot several glances to the window beside her. Did Finn hear about yesterday's incident? Was he going to ask why she chose to be an emotional idiot yesterday, and use her inexperienced powers to fight the invader instead of calling him and Jake like always?

Princess Bubblegum pulled back slightly when he simply answered, "Just came to give this back." She wracked her brain trying to remember what Finn had borrowed from her, until she actually saw what he drew from his pocket.

It was a piece of copper, the size of her fist. When he handed it to her, closer inspection revealed a side-view of her profile, hair styled in its prim, gooey locks and her face set in gentle, calm countenance. The face was faded and scratchy, evidence to the years its been lovingly carried.

Bonnie struggled to recall what this was, as it looked no different from the twenty-five medals she had given James and his clones. Her confusion must have been obvious, for Finn explained with a distressingly un-Finn-like calm, "It's just an old penny, but you called this 'the Champion's Badge.'" He shrugged a shoulder. "I get that you don't remember - you gave one to Jake and I after we first saved you from the Ice King."

Nostalgia hit Bonnibel like a punch to the face. _Glob, he could barely hold a sword back then. I remember Jake did most of the fighting while he let his brother get in a few easy swings on the Ice King._ She remembered the ten-year-old turn as pink as herself when handed this very medal, and proclaimed a champion of the Candy Kingdom.

This only served to make Bonnibel even more confused. "Finn, what is this for?"

"My resignation."

His answer was so unexpected, so calmly delivered, so prompt, that Bonnie had to blink and hear those words again in her head.

"Do you even know what that _means_?"

She regretted those words the instant they left her mouth, and Bubblegum so very wished she could do "real" time travel and take them back; she didn't mean for it to sound like that. But the shock of what Finn was saying, on top of past proclamations of stupidity (although he was wise in his own way, just not in the science-y sense) was so great the words came out of her stupid mouth without any consideration put into them.

And it showed. For the first time since arriving, Finn's eyes flared with emotion: anger.

"It means I _quit_ ," he said forcefully. And just like that, his eerie calm was back. Without any expression he clapped his hands together, then pointed two fingers at the stun-locked princess as he backed away down the hall. "This is me, Finn the Human, signing off. Goodbye, Preebos."

And he vanished around the corner, between Bonnie's fingers, and from her life.

The princess was still standing there, staring unblinkingly at the spot where her ex-champion just stood.

And only then did she find the voice to utter, "...Wait..."

* * *

**Part 1 of 3, hoping this gets some kind of notice despite it not being shipping.**

**This is a short little fanfic that's going to focus on the relationship between Finn and Bubblegum, from both perspectives. It's going to basically be a big analysis of their relationship, and what they mean to each other.**

**This takes place before Islands but after Jelly Beans Have Power.**


	2. A Knight?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonnie struggles adapting to a new situation

The afternoon passed by in a blur.

After Finn's sudden and confusing departure, the princess threw herself into her lab to finish working on whatever needed getting done. She still had to find out a way to isolate her candy powers, and with flashbacks of the medical ward derailing her train of thought at every turn, there was little else Bubblegum could will herself to think about.

Much to her own detriment.

Peppermint Butler came in and out across the afternoon, shooting her worried looks from her peripheral vision. She vaguely recalled the journey to her bedroom, guided by Peps, like she were incapable of doing such a thing alone. She allowed him this task anyway, for his own sake of course, but only heard tidbits of his ramblings, "...been in there for hours," "...sitting there, staring at your hand like..." and such. Bonnie cared little for what the butler had to say, she's heard it all before.

 _'Research on boys,' tch. Please,_ she recalled one such confrontation. _He doesn't understand that what I'm doing is for his sake as well as the kingdom's._

Only when he pulled a blanket over her lap, did Bonnie realize that Peps had dressed her in purple sweats, a pink tee with Timmy's face, and removed her crown. She performed a single, hard blink, comprehending that her lab had suddenly become bright, pink, comfortable, and smelling of, what else, bubblegum - a powdery-sweet aroma that once tickled her insides.

_When... did I get here?_

Bonnie's scientific mind was entranced still with visions of soda blasting forth, a mighty eruption of glass, a mother and child citizen trembling in fear...

Pep-But gently wrapped a gloved hand around her wrist and slowly lowered it, as if the princess were made of glass ready to shatter at any moment. His beady white eyes shone with nothing but concern. "Prubs, please say _something_ ," he urged.

"I'm fine, Peps." There was a beat. "I just need to rest."

"...And eat," the butler gestured to her lap.

Bubblegum hummed in surprise when she found a bowl of pink goop before her. If she were a fool she would have thought it magic, but Peppermint Butler obviously snuck it in place without her notice. Wordlessly, she gripped the spoon. This seemed to satisfying Peps, as he turned and left without another word.

That is until he was in the hallway. "I'm calling Finn."

* * *

Surprising absolutely no one, it was Jake who came instead of the human hero. Before even formulating the words to speak, Bonnibel's subconscious molded her tone into one of regal neutrality.

"I'm guessing you're here about Finn."

She continued spooning and swirling her biomass soup as Jake made his approach, stretching over so he was sitting at her bedside.

His gentle tone implied he was about as lost as she was. "Yeah, Princess. What happened between you two?"

She lashed out with a humorless laugh, "As if I _knew_! He didn't explain himself or anything!" Finally, their eyes met. "He just said he quit and walked out, didn't even give me a chance to respond! Like, what the junk, Jake?"

The princess was panting.

She felt shame and embarrassment burn upon her cheeks, yet her canine friend didn't seem to notice (or, much like Finn, even _care_ ). "Wish I knew, Princess." Jake shrugged. "Honestly? I wouldn't worry about it. Dude's been super weird all day; probably just a _phase_ or somethin'."

Bonnie looked to her meal, thoughtful. "Maybe..." Seconds ticked by, and she suddenly noticed Jake was looking at her. "What?"

His expression was wrought with concern. "Princess... is there something you aren't telling us?"

"No," she answered truthfully. "Why? Is Finn saying junk?" Shamefully, Bonnibel couldn't deny the rise of her nonexistent heart, the first glimmer of life within her bosom in days, as she sensed the first real potential lead as to what caused this sudden change in Finn.

But this feeling was crushed into dust when Jake, despite his easygoing and cheerful demeanor, still held a weariness to him when he replied after a full second, "Nah, just curi-o!" He waved his paw. "Finn won't even tell _me_ what's up, and I'm his best bro! Tch. You think you know a guy..."

Bonnibel had no comment for that.

"Eh, I wouldn't _warry_ about it too much, Princess. Whatever's bothering him, Finn'll have to get over it eventually. He just can't spend the rest of his life not talkin' to ya!"

"Yeah! Of course," Bonnie chirped, her positivity genuine. "Until that happens, the Candy Kingdom can still rely on you for help, right Jake?"

"...Yeah."

In truth, Bonnie didn't notice how Jake responded, as she was too overcome with dread at the prospect of having to actually go to the Tree Fort herself and beg Finn to tell her what his deal was this morning.

_Awkwardness and tension, on top of having no idea what the flip is going on in that boy's brain... Yeah, PB ain't touching that biz._

"Then I suppose this isn't too big of a problem. You can tell Finn that when he's ready to talk, he knows where to find me."

_The day I throw myself on my knees for anyone, for someone who won't even tell me WHY I am in the first place, no less, is the day I denounce science, step down as Princess, and marry the Ice King._

So consumed in thought was she, that Bonnibel didn't notice Jake's face darken with grim shadows. A mental flashback struck her so hard it sent the room spinning, similar to an earlier bout mood whiplash with Finn - Jake, her friend who was always loyal and good for a laugh, breached her thoughts with:

"Grod, he wasn't kidding..."

She would have fallen into stuttering like a fool had her brain not caught the word "he" like a fish on a hook, fighting to claim it. "Wait, wh-who? Finn-?"

The bed leapt slightly as Jake hopped off of it. "Yo, whatever, PB. I can't speak for Finn, but you can rest easy tonight knowing that I'm not gonna leave you to the wolves. But this," he gestured, for whatever reason, to the two of them, "this ain't happening anymore, man." She was about to reach out to him, mouth opened to object, when Jake whipped over to her, big eyes narrowed to slits. "Y'all are done, you hear me? _Done_!"

"Jake, what-!? I don't underst-!"

"No more of this poisonous f-f-f- _thing,_ or _whatever_ it is to you, with Finn! Alright? _No mo'!_ You care about your peeps, Peebs, that's cool..." a monstrously-large finger jutted in her direction, "but you ain't gonna mess with my bro's head ever again, you got that, Princess?!"

"Yes! Fine, fine! Yes!" Bonnie stammered, gasping and shaking. She truly believed he was about to punch her lights out.

Whether he realized it or not, Jake had grown to monstrous size over the course of his rant, until his head hit the ceiling and his orange coat was red enough for Marceline to drink from.

Bubblegum didn't understand a word of what Jake was talking about, but evidently he got the impression that she did something awful to Finn. And this something made him angry enough to terrify her.

And Bubblegum had _never_ been afraid of _Jake_.

Her survival instincts sent her heart hammering, and her body lied rigid against her bed as they demanded she take flight or fight. Her poor bubblegum soup was already a victim, splashed across the bedding as her sweatpants-clad legs yanked in closer as some feeble form of protection against the powerhouse that was Jake.

And yet...

Today was full of surprises, some of which Bubblegum never imagined she would be confronted with. But evidently, the day where Jake the Dog decided to hit her was not this one. With a grievous sigh he seemingly deflated, his normal color returning, along with his typical relaxed tone of voice.

But Jake didn't look so calm, but he didn't look angry either, or even tired.

Just disappointed. And seeing that on Jake was enough to make Bubblegum's heart clench - knowing she was the cause, but not _why_ , hurt even more.

The absurdity of the whole situation was so obvious that Bonnibel didn't even need to think about it; a base instinct, deep within, was painfully aware that she shouldn't be feeling like this, that Finn and Jake were being obtuse and ridiculous and childish and...

The rational part of her brain even told her as much: _I shouldn't give a toot if these boys aren't willing to let me defend myself._ Bonnibel conveyed these thoughts in a scowl, and a smoldering exchange of gazes with Jake the Dog.

But that was until Jake said, "Later, Princess."

Without another word he stretched himself across the room in record time.

 _He's leaving._ A feeling swelled suddenly within Bubblegum, so fast and so much that it silenced her rational mind with a cry tearing forth.

_"J-Jake!"_

The dog gathered himself into his regular, rotund shape at the doorway, before turning fully to face his former princess.

And for the first time ever, Bonnibel didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry," she blurted out. "I don't know what happened, or what I did, but I... I'm sorry."

As soon as these thoughtless words left her mouth, Bubblegum not only felt ridiculous for not knowing what she was apologizing for, but also because she shouldn't expect Finn or even Jake, those who have reacted so coldly and passionately, respectively, to accept such a feeble and, in her mind, halfhearted gesture.

But what Jake replied with ground all other thoughts to a halt.

"You didn't really do anything, Princess."

Jake gave her five seconds to remember blinking.

When the Princess of the Candy Kingdom failed to do even that, he was suddenly struck with thought, and reached into his malleable gut. "Almost forgot," he said, sifting. "This ain't ours."

He was too far for Bonnibel to make it out, but Jake stretched his arm over to hand it over without actually being in front of her. She took them into her delicate hands, the shock rendering her silent and the cold claws of realization holding her in place.

"Jake..." she breathed, "how... how did you..."

The princess couldn't finish, not that she noticed. Her wide, purple eyes picked up from the security camera and Finn's tracking chip to find that Jake had already left.

* * *

_..._

_..._

_..._

_"This is Jake! And this is Finn!"_ Laughter ensued from their silly little joke. _"We're not home right now, so..."_ more laughter, _"...leave a message!"_ The boys sounded ready to burst out laughing before saying once more, _"Leave a message!"_

_"Mister Finn, Mister Jake, the Princess requests the two of you to the Candy Kingdom, immediately. ASAP would be preferable."_

* * *

_"...Leave a message!"_

_"Mister Finn, Mister Jake, I have been urged by the Princess to press the importance of this request. Unless you are saving the freakin' universe, allowing a previously-given command to sit for forty-eight hours is NOT-! ...Oh? Oh, yes... yes, Your Highness. Here."_

_"..."_

_"...Finn? ...Finn, I just want to talk. That's all, no strings, no funny business. Nothing. If not for me, then for all the years we've spent together. At least consider it?"_

* * *

_"...Leave a message!"_

_"Finn, come on. I_ know _you're seeing these. Ignoring me isn't the mature thing to do, we're both practically adults... technicalities aside... Look, just come see me. Please?"_

* * *

_"...Leave a message!"_

_"That wasn't a command, by the way. Heh, forgot to tell you that! Sorry if that's how it sounded from Peps, he doesn't know about our little disagreement, and you know how he can get about his job... Ooh, I'm rambling. Look, you're under no obligation to follow any 'commands' from me anymore, Finn. You hear that? I don't even care! You hear me? You hear my voice? You hear how casual I am about this? That's cuz it's cool! I don't care! I just want...! I just... I dunno, a chance! Time? A freakin' REASON FOR WHY YOU'RE SO GLOBBING MAD AT ME!?"_

_"...Ugh..."_

_"Whatever, if you guys aren't going to act like grownups, that's your prerogative. Goodbye, and have a nice life!"_

* * *

_"...Leave a message!"_

_"You know, you're technically still living on Candy Kingdom territory. If you guys aren't going to serve my kingdom, then I'll just have to kick you freeloaders out. Don't think I won't, y'all know firsthand how I can get! So I'd_ better _see you in my chambers within the next twenty-four hours, or YOU TWO are gonna be in some deep doo-doo!"_

* * *

_"...Leave a message!"_

_"DO YOU THINK I'M BLUFFING!? DO NEITHER OF YOU KNOW A THING ABOUT PRINCESS FREAKING BUBBLEGUM!? I even gave you an extra WEEK, and you're STILL acting like you DON'T EVEN CARE! Is that really it!? All these years didn't matter, even a little bit, and you just don't care?"_

_"WELL GUESS WHAT, BOYS?!"_

_"I. DON'T. EITHER."_

_"You think you MATTER to me?! HA-HA! I'm centuries old, you two are just a FART in PB's history book! SO GET **STUFFED**!"_

* * *

_"...Leave a message!"_

_"Wow. You guys are REALLY intent on carrying this joke. Well, I'll have you know that I barely even think about you two. Ever. I got my kingdom to run, you think I ever gave a candy cane's butt about a couple of goons?"_

_"So if you think I'm gonna personally leave MY kingdom, go to YOUR house, grovel at your feet and_ beg _for forgiveness? Well, heh, you got another thing coming, Finn."_

* * *

_"...Leave a message!"_

_"I'm dead serious. Remember that time we all went to Wizard City, to find a cold spell for Starchie? We dressed up in those silly costumes, ran from the po-po, had a prison fight?"_

_"*sigh* Those were the days... But the whole reason why we were even_ there _was because I was too stubborn to swallow my pride! Remember that? Remember I was so prideful that going to jail was preferable to giving in to the Grand Master Wizard? IT'S A FREAKIN' CHARACTER FLAW, YOU BOZOS! So i_ _f YOU think this time will be different, then...!"_

_"...Then..."_

_"..."_

_"...Glob, Finn,_ _I'm_ sorry. _I don't even know why I'm apologizing and yet I'm doing it anyway, that's how badly this is affecting me! All those other messages, that was all talk, I didn't mean any of it!"_

_"..."_

_"Is, Is this about the security camera? That's been deactivated forever now, I stopped all that spy-biz! And the tracking chip was for your safety, honest! Remember the Black Ice Cave, when Ricardio got the jump on you guys? That was the whole reason Lady and I found you two! I...!"_

_"..."_

_"Ugh..."_

_"What's the point? You've ignored me for weeks now, this message isn't gonna change jack. Not that you'd believe a word of I'm saying anyway, I sound like a desperate, crazy, ex-girlfriend and I..."_

_"...Oh..."_

_"Oh,_ Glob _, Finn... is... is_ that _what this is about? That... That_ thing _we had when I was thirteen?"_

_"I..."_

_"..."_

_"..."_

* * *

_"...Leave a message!"_

_"..."_

_"..."_

_"..."_

_"...I had this whole thing planned. Honest. I was gonna just say it, explain why I did what I did back then, but I... I... don't know. I just can't. It feels like I'm lying to you, and that's the last thing I need to do right now, while at the same time it also feels like I'm lying to myself because... that's just what I do."_

_"This was meant to be my last message though, and I'm actually sticking to that. And if you guys still feel this... this_ anger _, towards me, that I still don't understand... then that's fine. It's fine. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately."_

_"More thinking than doing, really. Ah-heh..."_

_"...But I've come to the conclusion that... whatever I did... it must have been for a good reason. To warrant this kind of a reaction from you, Finn, my loyal champion and kindest friend... there's little doubt in my mind that you had a good reason for it."_

_"So... well... that's it then."_

_"I really wish things could be different, but if this is what you want, Finn, then I can't stop you. I won't. You have the freedom to do whateves you ever wanted - something I truly envy, but is as unreachable as the stars themselves..."_

_"And I... I'm..."_

_"I'm sorry about all those messages, too. Woof."_

_"I guess that's it, though. Goodbye, Finn. The Candy Kingdom thanks you for your years of service, and I..._ I'm sorry _, and... I'm sorry about those messages, and..."_

_"...and..."_

_"..."_

_"..."_

* * *

"Pep-But, have the next shipment of manufactured sugar supplements sent to District Toffee. It's waiting in the foyer."

Through the speaker came her loyal servant's upbeat, squeaky little voice: "Yes, Your Highness. And with that we've hit all forty Districts in the kingdom!"

"Heh. Sweet." She lifted a gloved hand from the intercom button.

Bonnibel turned and bent over a chemistry set bubbling away with a soupy, bronze-colored concoction. "Cooolaaa," cooed the princess, as if in a trance. She's spent her time between the sugar supplement job intersparsed with bouts of chemistry, trying to not only recreate the pre-war beverage but also manipulate its properties to render it a neverending supply of drink, as well as a source of sugar to help her subjects grow healthy and strong and old.

It was fulfilling, among other things, but moreover it was work.

 _Work_...

An apt description of the life of Bonnibel Bubblegum. Even "life" may be too generous a label, for the princess fit into its definition about as well as a square peg in a round hole. The Candy Kingdom was her life, and the Candy Kingdom never stopped living - therefore, her life was work. Her work clothes: a set of rabbit ears she called her crown.

When she wasn't busy hopping about for her people, whether it'd be a pizza party or an ill-fated science demonstration, the princess was stowed away in her lab prodding scientifically at any cracks within the metaphorical barrier that protected her people: the Gumball Guardians, the literal wall of which they sat upon, her security cameras, tracking chips, and her friendships with the other princesses of Ooo, just to name a few.

But Bonnibel wasn't complaining! She had far too much work to complain.

"Yeah! ...Yeah..." she said aloud a sleepy voice. "Too... much..." She fell face-first, knocking aside and spilling her never-ending soda serum.

And through the balcony threshold, Ice King saw his chance and soared through, grinning, his bony hands crackling with blue energy.


	3. Or A Brother?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonnibel is informed

"Hi honey, I'm home!" sang the Ice King. His madness-tinged inflection echoed throughout the frigid, forlorn halls of his lair to the rhythmic beat of his beard-flaps. "And I brought my lovely doppelganger a pretty pink gift!" he cackled while landing, said present emitting a solid thunk upon touchdown.

Ice King undid the red cable tied about his waist and leaned alongside the ice-boulder. "Can ya guess what it is?" he cheekily posed.

Across the room, an individual lounged across Ice King's very special recliner in an oddly seductive pose. Albeit her tone matched the flat look upon her face as she replied, "Y _-eah!_ ...No, I know what it is."

"How could you know, my sweet?!" Ice King cried, genuinely upset. "I went out of my way to get this for you!"

Patience St. Pim, in a series of jerky movements, shot forth from the recliner with her hands clapped together. "And you've done a _wonderful_ job, booboo," she gushed. "But, I'm the one who asked you to get me Bubblegum in the first place, mm-hmm, yeah? 'Kay! Thanks and bye!"

Ice King put a hand to his heart, eyes watering. "Are you... _proud_ of me?"

Silence answered as Patience tilted her head to the side. With her expression largely masked by a pair of dark shades, an outsider would interpret it as a gesture of confusion - that is until the blue-skinned woman said, "Hey, I think I hear Gundyr or whathaveyou calling! _Maybe_ you should go _pick it up._ " She made a little phone-gesture to her ear.

Ice King's face twisted into rage, and in a flash he was whipping around the exit threshold. His fury echoed throughout the palace. "GUNTHER, I TOLD YOU NOT TO RACK UP THE PHONE BILL!"

Patience just put her hands on her hips, giving a slow shake of the head. She listened to the Ice King's distant shouting taper into silence. "What. A. Ding-Dong."

She literally turned on one heel and took three wide steps to her "gift," still frozen in an inelegant hunk of ice. She struck a pose while investigating it, curved finger hooked round her chin, elbow propped in the other hand.

Peering through the ice's wavy distortion, Pim could make out the cause for her fellow Elemental's awkward positioning - a stool sat beneath her butt. Bubblegum was hunched over, and although the wavy, jagged structure made it hard to be certain, Pim could see the princess had been asleep while at work. That on top of the labcoat, big, round blue glasses, and long, winding ponytail explained why she was brought to her this way.

"Woof. Tired of waiting for her, eh? Couldn't let the poor girl shower first?" mused the manic woman. Chuckling to herself, Patience rubbed her hands together, murmuring, "Okay, let's get this over with," before dissipating the upper half of Bubblegum's icy prison.

She was freed down to her waist, and with the sudden lack of support for her head Bubblegum flopped forward, and then jolted back up just as quickly, snorting into wakefulness.

"Za-wha?!" slurred the Elemental of Candy and Life.

* * *

Still emerging from her deep sleep, Bonnibel panicked realizing her dim, smelly lab now turned into a painfully familiar, and blindingly blue, realm of ice. She clawed for air, darted her eyes about, simultaneously noting the icicles that hung from the ceiling, the spacious cavern mocking her gasping breaths, and the musky odor of frozen fish. Her hormonal teenage brain quickly pieced together what her analytical brain did first.

 _Am I dreaming?_ she thought with horror. _Ice King... Simon... hasn't tried kidnapping anyone since Blue and Bonkers tried... to..._

That is when her eyes started upon the individual in front of her. "Plops."

"Hey, girlfriend!" waved Patience St. Pim, before returning to crossing her arms. "Okay, real talk: you're _probably_ wondering what the flip is going on. Am I right!?"

Bubblegum felt red seep into her face, edge her vision.

In most circumstances, Bonnie would be more level-headed when finding herself a captive in the Ice Kingdom. But this wasn't like "most circumstances," this was a meeting engineered by the loon who added a huge, steaming pile of chaos to Bonnibel's ever-overflowing plate; the loon who, unlike Ice King's, her motivations were as insane as his own but far more mysterious. Mystery incited irresponsibility, uncertainty, and it reminded Bonnie all-too-painfully of why she misliked the wizarding world's dangerously ignorant approach to magic.

Patience was a literally-dancing reminder of that detestable, dangerous thinking, except with a dash of Ice King-craziness thrown into the mix.

"Yeah," she hollered, hands trembling before her, "no-freakin'-duh!"

Patience tittered, clearly amused. "H'okay, okay," she made a calming gesture, "serious talk - serious talk for serious time. You ready? Okay." Patience tapped two fingers before her pale, blue lips. She hummed thoughtfully.

Then she asked Bonnibel, "Okay, what the blood are you doing?"

Bonnie glared. "You're gonna have to make just a _little_ more sense, lady."

" _I mean_ that you haven't been using your powers, like, at all, girl! I mean, after that first-"

"I can't," Bonnie cut in. A quiet settled on the two.

Even behind her shaded spectacles, the absolute silence conveyed confusion in Pim's surely-widening eyes. Happy she did the impossible, and silenced the raving madwoman, Bonnibel elaborated: "I mean, theoretically I still _could_. But I haven't even tried since the accident - likely due to a mental block incited by the psychological trauma of that event. So, yeah! My powers are finally synonymous with the sounds they make: _pbbt._ "

The look on Patience's face hadn't changed, and it remained so for a full second before suddenly breaking into a manic grin. "Whaaat?" she jeered. "That's totally crazy!" She pointed. "You're a crazy one, Bonnibel! I mean, if you haven't been using your powers, and since they're undetectable by your sentries, then how've you been able to destroy my birds?"

Bonnibel's breath hitched - she may be more eloquent, but Patience was as impossible to talk to as the Ice King, which reminded her like an annoying tick as to why she hated dealing with him in the first place. But while Ice King just couldn't hold a logical conversation, with Patience, everything she said just intruded on Bubblegum's personal bubble.

But what she'd said, right then and there, made Bonnibel truly feel the Ice Kingdom's frigid bite, however impossible for her gummy form.

"' _Birds_?'" she uttered slowly.

" _Yeees_!" Patience mocked her, playfully. "I've sent, like, ten of 'em after you completely trashed my first - good job by the way! - but you've been letting other people smash 'em up instead of using your powers! Like, whaaat?"

"Wait, you...?" Bonnie's voice died in her throat, though Patience talked over her without realizing.

"I mean, who would possibly fight on your behalf these days? I mean after I..."

These words became a warble in Bonnie's ears, her entire world overrun with shearing-loud static that only intensified, harsher and harsher on the inside of her brain until, without warning, it ceased, it clicked. Bubblegum's heart made the slow realization that her mind had already concluded, before even asking for clarification.

 _ **"YOU!"**_ roared Princess Bubblegum of the Candy Kingdom.

Patience paused her ramblings, "Oh, hi," she smiled and waved.

" _You_..." Bonnie couldn't stop jabbing a finger in her direction. "You... y-you-you-you... you, you, _you, YOU!_ "

"Um, yes?"

Try as she might to force it back, that awful day came flooding back in brutal detail, as if Bonnie were reliving it all over again - all while the logical, eloquent half of her brain struggled to keep up with her hormonal teenage-half.

"You sent that freaking spaceship to attack my kingdom!?" she cried. "You incited those stupid visions that, tha-that made me fart jelly beans from my palms!? I, I just wanted to stop feeling jealous about Slime Princess! And, and you, and you, _you_ _attacked my kingdom!_ And you kept manipulating me! And...! And..."

Bubblegum took a deep breath.

 _"RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"_ she screamed as she did the only possible action in this moment - she ripped her glasses off her face and threw them at Patience, who easily stepped to the side and dodged them.

Patience leaned forward. "Are ya done?"

"No I'm not 'done!'" Bonnie made air quotes, then began gesturing wildly as she ranted "You attacked my people, you utter witch! You, you _attacked_ them, you _hurt_ them, you got them involved when you should have been smarter, been mindful! And now they're afraid of _you_...!" Bubblegum froze, then tore out suddenly with a scream and she slammed her face into her hands, stamping down the pressure that threatened to build behind her eyes before the urge could overwhelm her.

_Glob, you're pathetic._

It sounded like her voice.

Yet it also sounded like Finn's. It sounded like Marceline's, and Peppermint Butler's, and the King of Ooo's and Phoebe's and even Patience St. Pim's.

"God, you're pathetic." Pim didn't sound mean so much as she did disappointed. "But hey, it helped you unlock your powers, am I right?"

Bonnie's rage-filled eyes shot up. "My crummy _powers?_ Is that all you care about?!"

"Don'cha get it yet, Bubblegum?" Patience took her by the hands and performed a little urgent dance whilst proclaiming, "It's the only thing that matters!"

Bonnie tore away and tucked her hands beneath her armpits. "Whatever, you nut! You want something to do with me? I can't stop you, that's your biz! But you could have just done _this_ ," Bonnie gestured to her icy prison, "without dragging my peeps into the crossfire!" Bonnibel couldn't help herself - she was shaking, and the very heat radiating from her cheeks could probably melt the Ice Kingdom if that were possible. Her rage, though, was not directed solely at Patience, nor herself. But her true reasoning was obscured by a hundred years of "life," and worked in tandem with the catalysts to her present fury.

Fifty percent of which was currently watching the raving, raging princess like a scientist would a drugged specimen - she sat on a backwards chair of ice, steepled fingers behind a pair of pursed, frostbitten lips, popping up above half-inch nails just to say:

"I did, actually."

Those vague, three words were like cannon-fire, booming and impactful. The hunch Bonnie had prior was quiet, almost microscopic, for her initial rage overshadowed all, even the horrible fear that she wished to deny, as if that would render it nonexistent, fool she was. But Patience, by uttering those three words, thrust Bonnibel into a state of such dumbfounded, terrified silence that she could only utter, "What?"

"Your peeps," Pim clarified, "I had to get them involved."

Bonnibel Bubblegum froze - not due to the Ice Kingdom, for she were incapable of ever feeling its frigid grasp - but movement was a concept she'd forgotten entirely in that moment. All she could remember were Pim's last words.

_I had to get them involved._

Her joints locked in place.

_I had to get them involved._

Her breathing stilled.

_I had to get them involved._

And then some invisible force willed her hands before her, _I had to get them involved,_ a scream tore from her throat, _I had to get them involved,_ and an explosion of jelly beans failed to erupt from her palms. Not even a single bean sprouted forth.

Pim looked on, unimpressed.

Bonnibel could no longer meet her shaded gaze and blushed, staring holes into her palm until she clenched it in a fist, and sent it down hard against the ice at her waist. With that, her gaze had dropped, and did not pick up again. The ice below and Patience before her, phantom visualizations of the bond that made soda, it fizzled out and faded into nothing.

Instead Bonnie just saw flashes of the medical ward once more. Any scientific breakdown of candy elements she tried to concoct collapsed into the cacophony of pained groans that followed her explosive battle with Pim's ship.

And in that instant, a smoothie of different feelings stewed within Bonnibel, feelings she had not experienced in centuries; feelings, among these, that also included failure, rage, sorrow, and even horror, for the mania of this powerful, mysterious individual before her filled Bubblegum with the one feeling she vowed to never experience, lest it consume her forever.

The feeling of want.

Want of the past, borne of nostalgia, when everything was simple and clear and fine and manageable. When Finn was her wide-eyed, adorable little hero; when Phoebe was still in her lantern; when the Lich was frozen in sap, when "the nice princess" was actually fun to wear, when her greatest concern was whether or not to dedicate tomorrow for a kingdom-wide slumber party.

When she looked forward to tomorrow.

"Why?" It was her voice, it was her throat vibrating with that singular phrase, but she didn't realize she'd spoken. Her brain knew the answer, but Bonnibel didn't even ponder why she was speaking at all.

Patience explained, "Because, silly, your powers are at their most powerful when they're protecting your citizens. Threatening them is the most surefire way to tease 'em out."

Bonnibel simply met her gaze with her own, tired and weary and full of misery. How did she even know about this? How did _she_ not know any of this? _Am I really so blind to my own hubris that I let this crazy bird go free?_

As if reading her mind Patience replied with a shrug, which Bonnie saw from her peripherals. "Crack a few omelets to make an egg... no, wait. Flip that," she did a motion with her fingers. "Look, I wasn't too crazy about attacking you guys, but you wouldn't have ever made any progress unless it was forced out of you. I'm sure you get it though, Bon. You probably understand where I'm coming from! Heck, two smarties like us? That's a candy from my time by the way, heh, but we're probably the only intelligent people in this cycle! And as a princess or whatever you probably know better than anyone, that responsibility demands a bit of sacrifice."

"..." Bonnie still had not picked up her gaze.

The woman before her had her fists to her hips, and tilted to one side, as if trying to get a better look. "Well!" she said, clapping her hands together - a sharp crack snapped throughout the ice cavern. "Now that that biz is out of the way, I can ask how you've been managing to defeat my-"

"Patience..."

She was suddenly on her knees and in front of her, looking up at Bonnie's lowered gaze. "What's up?"

In a light voice, Bonnie said, "You're the one who drove Finn away from me." She felt two hands grab the sides of her face, and raise it as the woman rose herself.

"Guilty. As. Charged," Patience enunciated. "I had to-"

"You had to so I would be forced to fend for my own kingdom, with my powers." It made such a stupid amount of sense, Bonnie was personally ashamed her own intelligence hindered her from seeing the obvious once more. Now she was scowling again. "So you lied to him, turned him _against me_ , just so-"

"Hold up, hold up. Wait, wait, wait. Hold the phone, put it on hold, and hang up right now." Patience gestured for every single phrase, and in an oddly stern tone of voice she explained with an accusatory finger, "Now I don't lie, princess. I've been probably the most honest person in Ooo since I got here. All I did was state the obvious for the boy."

"The _obvious_!?" Bonnibel squawked. "Bull-gunk! You filled his head with junk so he and Jake would leave my kingdom unprotected! Who the heck does that? Whatever happened to just talking to people?"

"I dunno, what did happen to that?" Patience snapped. "You know, back in my time, we had a word for people like you."

"Yeah, yeah," Bonnibel waved it off, having heard similar nonsense from Tree Trunks, Starchy, and his cronies. But Tree Trunks is senile and her peeps just being themselves. What did this foreigner know about her? About Ooo, or anything for that matter? Who was she to judge after such truly heinous manipulation?

"And we call people like you ding-dongs - the principles stay the same, no matter how much time passes. I mean, you did all this, turned my friends against me and hurt my people, just so I would have to use these dangerous, nonsense-powers? What the jam is _wrong_ with you?"

"Aaaah, stop screaming!" Patience cackled, and throwing her hands up. "I mean, it's not like any of it matters. You're still in the same place, as am I - clearly all my efforts have gone down the toilet if some bozo's been trashing my ships. But, whatever! Heh, sooner of later, y'all are gonna have to see the bigger picture. And when you do? Whoo! It's gonna shake up _all_ this status-quo!" She gestured to the cavern enclosing them.

 _Is she threatening all of Ooo? How could one achieve such a thing?_ Bonnibel made a mental note to check up on the Trunks family.

While her mysterious hero, who was likely Jake or Rattleballs, held a sort of prominence in her thoughts, just for the sheer mystery of it all, what Patience said then was troubling and simultaneously insane. "And what's _that_ supposed to mean?"

But then, just as Patience opened her mouth, she was encased in a block of ice. Bonnibel was given a start, although what just happened was made obvious with a brief observation. Her reaction was just natural; of course it was.

Just like how her breath lodged itself in her throat when Ice King, obscured by Pim's prison, cut across the brief but brutal silence:

"She's right through here, now kiss and make up already!"

Bonnibel's nonexistent heart skipped a beat; although a toddler could deduce who Ice King was talking to, a sort of instinct within Bonnie's heart-guts intensified into an ache that she forced and _forced_ to hide behind a blank facade.

But centuries of acting like a goofy princess for the Candy People, had served little in the way of preparing her for this moment.

For the moment, when her ex-everything rounded the prison of Patience St. Pim, and locked eyes with Princess Bubblegum.

Time seemed to have frozen, then traveled back, to a time when Bonnibel had seen a certain look in this boy, no, _young man's_ gaze. One that looked upon the princess like she were a goddess incarnate, like every step she took sprouted lollipops in their wake. Even now, six years later, despite everything that happened between them, Bonnibel saw traces still of that funny little boy within those eyes. But now they were obscured, shrouded by the curse that is knowledge of life itself - death, heartbreak, betrayal, disappointment.

Reality. _Life._

Bubblegum sighed internally. She was so accustomed to this knowledge, and surrounded by those who were as well, she'd forgotten more often than acceptable that Finn is a young boy, a _human_ boy, experiencing these without a proper mother.

Many times she had been his guide through the darker days, as if some invisible force guided him and his heart toward her's, urged him to open up, to trust her, and she accepted with more than open arms.

Far more, but Finn would never know how much that truly meant for her, nor she, until Bonnibel was faced with the prospect of losing that aspect of her life as cruelly and suddenly as she lost Shoko.

 _Death, heartbreak, betrayal, disappointment..._ They cycled through Bonnibel's heart and mind, dove into her memories, and, as she and Finn locked in an eerie parallel to Goliad and Stormo, it seemed he was in similar trance, seeing his princess again for the first time since leaving her service.

 _"I'm sorry about cutting you, Finn. But I was freaked out, and so were you! ...Whoof, least that biz is put to rest. Did you find out what the Lich did to Billy?"_ From memories of death. _"Billy... he..._ died, _Princess... Like actually gone, not coming back,_ died..."

 _"Here - have a root beer, buddy. Sounds like you need it."_ Of heartbreak. _"Thanks, Prubs. I should never have hurt her... Glob, I loved her so much, PB. Now she has Cinnamon Bun, and I'm... just..."_

 _"Finn! Don't you know by now that it's rude to walk in unannoun-noun-nOACH MEIN GLUB, FINN! Wh-What the nuts_ happened _to you?!"_ Of betrayal. _"...I found my dad."_

 _"Do you even know what this means?"_ And disappointment _._ _"It means I_ quit. _"_

And just like that, the spell was broken; Finn tore away, past her, to the window. Bonnibel couldn't even bring herself to follow him, doing so somehow felt wrong, liek she were trespassing some unspoken boundary.

 _Craziest thing is,_ sneered her logical brain, _you never cared about that before._

Bonnibel tried stifling a sudden, sharp, quiet intake of air. But it was futile - Finn's back went stiff as his upper lip upon hearing her muffled sound. It was brief, it was quiet, it was completely disregardable and Bonnie truly would have preferred it that way. _No, not here. Not now. Not in front of Finn, in front of Jake, Ice King, they can't hear me like this._

Finn of course heard it, but whether or not he cared was another-

"Come on Jake," he said in an even voice. "Let's get the princess back to her kingdom."

_Evidently not._

_Her_ kingdom, he'd said. Not _the_ kingdom, once thought of as a home away from home for the champions of her people.

For her hero.

And of all things, of feeling more emotions in ten minutes than she had in many years, this was what rendered Bonnie's vision a blurry, burning mess.

 _What could that possibly say about you?_ It was a delayed reaction, realizing that was her sensible half talking to her. But Bubblegum's teenage self shot back, _I don't freakin' care._

And both halves were effectively silenced, and remained so the entire ride home.

She was only vaguely aware of Jake cracking open the ice around her, of him picking her up, and carrying her atop his enlarged back with Finn in front of her, all without a single exchange of dialogue. Even he felt the tension between them. He must have for weeks, but only now was Bubblegum lucky enough to feel the same - the total loss of communication between herself and her ex-hero really didn't hit until Finn broke away from her gaze without a word.

Faintly Bonnie heard Ice King call out from his window: _"Worked like a charm!"_

Not a soul spoke throughout the entire ride home; it didn't feel right. Bonnibel let no tears shed. She stamped the feeling down, _down_ , walling off her emotions with a fortitude she'd honed for centuries until, truly, she felt like the mask she'd always wore.

* * *

So, Ice King, as it turns out, was playing for both teams. While he was sent to kidnap Princess Bubblegum at the Pim's behest, he'd learned of the falling out between her and Finn. Ice King got the idea that if he were to get Finn and Jake to rescue her like the old days, that would make everything better again.

Of course, nobody outright told Bonnibel all this, no one had said a word - she was just making an inference based on the information before her. It was decidedly _not_ because she was doing everything in her power to keep her mind off the crushing silence on the ride to the Candy Kingdom; she _definitely_ cared about the Ice King's motivations for doing all this.

 _How did he even know about this?_ As soon as she asked herself this, the answer immediately became clear. Bonnibel felt her own brow furrow as she thought to herself, _I'm gonna have a few words for Marceline next time I see her._

She must not have believed her when Bonnie assured her she was fine.

"Okay, we're here," Jake announced - the discomfort in his tone was palpable. His enlarged body was stretched up to Bonnie's tower on four noodley legs

Finn told him in a strong voice, "Carry the princess through her window, Jake."

"Dude, I think this has gone on-"

"Jake, _please,"_ Finn... begged? "Just bring her back, man, hurry."

Bonnibel scowled at the boy who still refused to even acknowledge her presence. "I'm right here, you know!" she snapped.

"Jake-!"

"Bro, just talk to her for fun's sake!"

Something shot through Bonnibel, and she tried circling around Finn to meet his gaze, "Yes! Please, I think that's-!" Finn jerked away like a stubborn child, refusing her. "Finn!" she cried.

"Dude, look at her."

"Jake, come on!" Finn sounded panicked.

"No, Finn, wait-!"

"Okay, okay, fine." The flesh beneath Bubblegum's butt curved upwards and closed around her, shaping into a big hand that carried her through her window at a hasty speed. The hand quickly retracted back into Jake's body.

"Jake, stop!" she demanded. Bonnie grasped the border of her window as she cried out, but the dog had his big, round eyes downcast, looking genuinely sorrowful, and Finn was staring off into the opposite direction. "JAKE!"

He started walking.

Bonnibel felt her entire body shudder, "Finn..." her breath hitched in her throat, _"FINN!"_

Her voice echoed outward, across the vastness of the Candy Kingdom, where all could hear alongside their princess in verbatim just how desperate she truly sounded - the cry of his name was raw and real, and it was enough to force Jake to stop after taking a single step away from her window.

"Please, don't..." she croaked, shoulders trembling. Bonnie felt a hot, tickling sensation roll down her rounded cheeks. There was a single, shaky gasp before her mouth said the words, "Please don't do this to me, Finn..."

Her gaze dropped, shame hot and ravaging across her face. She was sure they would have left by now if they hadn't already, but in her ear it sounded like they hadn't moved at all when Jake spoke up.

"Dude, no." He said sternly, even stamping his foot several yards down. "I'm not leaving until you two talk to each other."

Finn finally turned forward, and Bonnie saw his face once more. He looked utterly reluctant. "Jake..."

The silence that ensued sent Bubblegum's heart flying, and she gave a weak, breathy laugh of relief as the stone-rigidness that held her slackened.

"...just carry me over."

"I hear, brother, I hear." Whatever that meant, Jake performed the same trick with Finn as he did with Bonnie. She hastily stepped aside, allowing Finn to be deposited in the spot she previously stood.

His robotic arm crossed with his fleshy one, and Finn still refused to meet her gaze. Yet Bonnibel saw now that this wasn't out of rage, or anything like that.

In fact, he looked about the same as her - conflicted, confused, and his eyes were positively swimming.

It was a long, awkward amount of time before either person tried to speak. Bonnie grabbed her arm, wishing to find the words to speak, but struggling to find a good entryway.

In a gentle voice, she offered, "Would you like some tea, Finn?"

"No thanks, PB. Um, Princess." He replied in a quick, un-Finn-like voice. "I'm not staying long."

Bonnibel couldn't deny the dejection that weighed heavy on her heart and shoulders, but she hid it well. "I understand. Please, speak your mind."

It took Finn several tense seconds to do so, and when he did, he informed her whilst looking at her slippered feet, "Jake and I've been protecting the kingdom."

"I noticed." More like heard, but the specifics were of little import right now. Although he could not see it, Bonnie smiled. "Thank you."

She was admittedly startled when Finn's gaze snapped up to meet her's. "I didn't do it for you," he said quickly, as if trying to assure someone of something, yet Bonnie was sure she gave no indication that he was. "I did it because-"

"Because you're... a hero, Finn." She almost said "my hero," but caught herself just in time. When she looked into his eyes, Bubblegum still found his inner hero ablaze behind a forcibly intense stare. "You did it to protect my peeps."

Finn nodded in agreement, grunting. "That'll never change, ever. So, you have no reason to lie to me now."

Bonnie shook her head. "Finn, I wasn't planning on _lying_ -"

"So there's one thing I want to know," he spoke over her admittedly quiet words, though it could also be a mix of looking off out the window, where the kingdom slept neat a setting sun, and wishing to speak his mind. Bonnibel did not mind either. "Just one," he reiterated, even pointing with a single, robotic finger.

"What is it, Finn?" asked Bonnie.

"...Was..." He breathed in deep, then exhaled slow - his posture alone implied a certain tension within, a battle she could not see or help him win.

But finally Finn did ask, and it, admittedly, was a question Bubblegum would never have anticipated:

"Was I ever really your friend?"


	4. You are...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Bubblegum talk it out like the responsible adults they are.

_'Was I ever really your friend?'_

It rang through Bonnibel's mind, echoed back, and then ran through again, as if such a simple question were the greatest question in the universe.

 _Was_ I _ever_ really _your friend?_

After several centuries of walking this world, only a handful of moments existed where both sides of Bonnie's psyche cried out in tandem. _Of course!_ tore through her mind upon hearing the question. _Of course I am, Dummy! Why_ wouldn't _I be?!_

It was such an easy answer, so easy, that it must have been a gut reaction.

It explained, if only fleetingly, why her soma acted independently from the bubblegum structure that housed it. Movement was no longer a recalled concept, and the numbness Bonnie forever felt, a lack of physical stimulation due to a form made entirely out of bubblegum, suddenly made her feel so painfully detached from everything else (moreso than usual, and more literally at that) - like everything was just a dream and she were floating through the mindscape.

She couldn't even speak. Upon hearing those words, the most Bonnibel was allowed to convey to Finn were furrowed brows, and lips slightly parted.

The shock of hearing such a question already stunned her into silence, but it was so beyond the realm of expected possibilities, that it seemed as though this was, in fact, it: this was what broke Bonnibel Bubblegum after eight hundred twenty-eight years of existence - a stupid question.

 _"Was I ever,"_ Finn's voice echoed in her memory. As if he descended from his standing in the first place?

At least, Bonnie thought, she believes he hasn't.

Her nonexistent brain was probably the most advanced in Ooo, and held such advanced, infallible recall that she'd consider it a curse if it weren't so darn helpful. Yet for the life of her, the princess could not remember any horrible, relationship-destroying argument they'd recently had, before this whole mess.

 _Everything was fine... right?_ The uncertainty made her stomach turn. Unless, of course, it was so horrible that Bonnie repressed the memory, but she had little doubt considering the fortitude of her psyche.

So why does he feel this way? If Patience didn't lie, then what could she have possibly told Finn that he didn't already know about the princess already?

And that wasn't even the most confounding component to his question: _"...really..."_

A single, solitary word, yet it struck something deep within Bonnibel as if it were an epic poem condensed into a single catchphrase, and she didn't even know why - why it affected her so. Stranger still, it incited an ache she'd been painfully familiar with across her long lifespan, especially these recent weeks since this entire mess started. _What did Finn mean by that?_ part of her wondered.

 _It's obvious what he means by that, Bonnibel you fool,_ sneered the other, her annoying inside-voice. So she mentally reiterated, _WHY did Finn mean by that,_ proper grammar be damned.

_Why does he think I faked it?_

Whatever 'it' is, or was, Bonnie did not know herself. Not because she couldn't figure it out, but because the subject simply never crossed her mind.

Why?

_Why..._

_Why... does Finn doubt the strength of our bond?_ the question came suddenly. _Was it solely Patience's influence, or something more?_ Bonnibel wanted so very much to ask him, but then the final, confounding component of Finn's question sprang forth, spewing fire and an urge for attention:

_"...your friend?"_

'Friend.' Bonnibel considered herself the only person in existence to be so familiar with that word, and equally unfamiliar at the same time. The meaning was obvious, the practice, though, might as well have been a foreign concept. Having only a handful across eight centuries was a pathetic but self-aware lifestyle choice.

More often than not, Bonnie's own personality was a detriment to herself - despite creating an entire race for the sole purpose of acquiring companionship, Bonnibel was utterly awful when it came to interacting with lifeforms on her mental level.

In short, those who saw her as something other than a goddess, or a princess, or a scientist, or an object of infatuation by a crazed antiquarian.

Because without these titles, she was Bonnibel Bubblegum.

And Bonnibel was awkward.

Bonnibel was abrasive.

And weird.

Manic, apathetic, rude, _Okay brain, okay, you don't need to rub it in._

Bonnibel didn't need to resist the urge to sigh, because she had none to begin with. She didn't "hang out" with the other princesses, never interacted with them outside of a business sense; anything casual would scare her, even without herself feeling that very fear. It's why she would rather DJ at Crab Princess's beach party and _look_ like the nice, fun Princess Bubblegum Ooo was familiar with, rather than risk interacting with others simply as Bonnibel.

But she never wallowed over who she was.

Bonnie accepted who Bonnibel Bubblegum was a handful of centuries ago, though only after this very persona had pushed away the first and only entity she could call a friend, the one individual who was mentally _and_ biologically her equal.

_Marceline..._

Normally she would keep them locked away in her mental vault, with a key shaped like her lab, which fit into the lock of her candy-citizens' heart. But now, here, with these very real, very raw emotions now forcefully laid bare by Finn's inquiry, she couldn't help but feel complete and utter regret over how she inadvertently treated her vampire friend. Marceline, of course, held no sour feelings toward her.

_She's a far better person than me._

Before Marceline she would consider Shoko a friend, but she suffered from the shackles of her own mortality, and Bonnibel never thought of her again.

But now things were different - Bonnie had tried being more open these recent years, both personally and mentally. She'd taken strides to accept Marceline for all her being, good and bad, and the self-entitled Vampire Queen (a moniker that is incredibly macabre in hindsight, given her history) had gone leaps and bounds to love people again, despite the very real fears that ate at her soul.

And Bonnie had more than just her, now. Now, she'd founded a special, intimate companionship in the only Rainicorn to ever live in Ooo. Now she had laughter and loyalty from a bizarre and boisterous dog named Jake. And Finn...

 _"...your friend?"_ echoed once more, in Finn's voice - with the little hitch he made while quickly sputtering it out, with the same slight clenching that Bonnie felt within after realizing what he'd asked, what had been on his mind so bad that he had to force his way into asking it. _"...your friend? Your friend?"_ It was mocking her so, and she didn't know why.

 _'Glob, there's that word again,'_ said a feeling inside, not herself but a base, base instinct - like a gut-instinct, something that resembled the looming sense of dread, yet at the same time, oddly enough, elation. But why? Why dread? Why was it so hard to speak? Why was the idea of being Finn's friend filling her with such... conflicting feelings?

And thus, she came back around to this very question: _"Was I ever really your friend?"_

And Bonnibel never said a word. She couldn't.

Though Finn never stopped talking, thankfully.

Even now, tuning back in, she could only faintly hear his words - like wasps buzzing behind a thick cloth, rendering him a veritable warble in her ears. But the whirring of buzzsaws inside her skull was louder, searing almost. It made Bonnie want to crack her own bubblegum noodle open just to silence it.

It made her want Peppermint Butler here. Now. With his magic plate of chamomile tea.

Too much was going on, too much on her mind, and Finn still hadn't stopped talking.

Bonnie looked past his moving lips and saw his eyes, squeezing tear after tear out and down his cheeks, framing his round face glowing like the rising sun. His fleshy little fingers were clenching and unclenching around his robotic ones, obsessively, like a tick he couldn't stop, if he were even aware of it. He looked _terrified,_ upset, scared...

...and small. Painfully small - like this wasn't the hero Bubblegum knows and loves.

 _Loves?_ thought a rise in her chest. Then half a heartbeat later it settled as if to say, _Yes, I'm okay with that,_ and the thought fled soon as it appeared, for Bonnie's mind, as usual, had been overtaken by a swell of others.

Finn was still buzzing away in her ears, while Bonnibel still had not willed her current expression, whatever it may be, to change, but through her eyes she saw her hero, and felt many emotions - too much to call herself any one, and thus decided on "conflicted."

Seeing him like this was wrong - it was sad, it was kinda pathetic and completely, wholly not what Bonnibel pictured the conversation between her and Finn to go. In truth she pictured lots of screaming and finger pointing and maybe, Glob forbid, crying. This not only defied all prior expectations, it rendered them into ashes of the Old Word - forgotten and meaningless.

Bonnibel wanted it all to stop - the confusion, the angst, these confusing, stupid feelings, all of it. She needed to settle this; she needed quiet, and she needed Finn, here, now.

But first, he needed to _stop talking_.

"Finn, _shut up._ "

* * *

"Was... _Was I ever really your friend?_ "

That's what Finn hoped his word-vomit sounded like, yet Bubblegum did not answer - she understood, right?

Finn paused a beat before cracking one eye open, and then both sprung wide taking in the blank disposition of Princess Bubblegum.

The look she was currently giving him, it reminded Finn of the time he rejoined everyone at Tree Trunks's wedding. He had about half a second to take in PB's emotionless stare before they were all carted off to jail, and to this day, he still doesn't know why that happened. Neither did Jake.

And she was giving him that same look now.

Finn suddenly felt very hot beneath his hat, unbearably so, and the princess, still hadn't said anything. He did not feel the sweat trickling down his temple, but he did sense his mouth contorting, trying to blurt out something more, but nothing came to mind.

But Finn spoke anyway. "I-I know that this may seem like a dumb, like a dumb question, to you, but, um," he was twisting his flesh fingers around his robotic ones, "it's just that, I noticed that, you and I, w-we haven't hung out since, like, the slumber party, and that was only a one time thing that just kinda happened, and..."

 _What the heck are you saying, Mertens!?_ Even to himself he sounded like he was sputtering out nonsense, and with the courage of a kitchen mouse at that; Bubblegum must have been so stunned by such boobery she couldn't even speak. Although he was too scared to meet her gaze, fearing that doing so would break this fragile tension.

Finn took this as an opportunity to redeem himself. "I mean, I know you're really busy, with the kingdom and everything. But, we used to hang out all the time. And, and I don't really know if it was because I donked it up, or something? Like if Patience was right, and it was all just a game to you... I get it," he said with finality. "Bonnie, princess, I get it - you have to do some pretty... gronked up stuff to protect your kingdom. But... I know you, at least, I _think_ I do... and that's what _worries_ me. I don't know, you get it? I just _don't_ , I don't know anymore - what was real, or if this whole time you, you were just playing some stupid _game_ just to keep me around, and...! And.. and that's why I'm asking, princess... Were we ever really friends?"

He waited a beat.

And then another.

Finn felt a clenching in his heart - somehow, in his mind at least (then again, what good has that thing done him so far?), expecting Bubblegum to say "No" hurt far less than the silence that permeated between them. Like a snake his eyes darted up to meet her's, then forced down to the floor once more - her expression still hadn't changed.

"Bonnie, _please_..." he tremulously begged, hugging his fists close. "I know this is like the dumbest thing in the world, _I know_ this is stupid, this is a waste of your time, but I gotta know because, because..." His heart clenched. "I-I need to! I need to so I can sleep again! Okay!? I just...! I..." He shook his head; this wasn't at all how it was supposed to go down - Bubblegum just had to answer him yes, or no, but she was giving him this _look_ , that _look_ that always made his brain go stupid, and instilled within him the need to justify feeling that way.

"When Patience told me all those things, about the spying and junk, I told her that it wasn't true, that you were just trying to protect your peeps, and me. But she started talking about everything else, about us, and I don't know how, she's like a _wizard_ or something, but she knew about _everything_ we've done together. And the things she said, the truths... I didn't want to believe them. For days I didn't want to believe 'em, I, I shut them out, barred the _door.._. But they broke through anyway, and I couldn't help but feel like it was all just a big gross _lie_. I didn't want to see your... your... _everything_ , ever again," he forced the words out, face glowing-hot. "Because I knew that just five minutes alone with you, and you'd have me wrapped around your finger again like always! But I can't _do it!_ I can't keep not-thinking about it, and I can't lock you away in my vault because this is just too frickin' important to me!"

"So, please, Bonnie... Bonnie _please_ , I just need to know if everything we had was just a big-"

"Finn, _shut up._ " Her voice was curt and cutting, and with a quick "Okay," Finn clammed up on the spot, watching her with wide, wet eyes. _Wet? Oh Glob, oh Glob._ Finn hastily rubbed his face, shuddering involuntarily upon contact with the chilled metal of his arm.

This was all wrong. He shouldn't have come in here. Bubblegum was mad at him, and worse yet he just made a complete and utter fool of himself in front of her, crying and saying all that stuff. "I'm sorry," he muttered, quick and into his hand. "I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have come here. I'll, _I'lljustbegoingbye_!"

He turned heel, deaf to everything but the thrum of his own heartbeat. "JAKE!" tore from his throat, hoping he was nearby - if not he was fine just jumping out the window anyway.

But then, before Finn reached the window, Bubblegum grabbed him from behind.

* * *

"Finn, _shut up._ "

The boy winced under the harshness of her tone, and amended with a shaky little, "Okay." Life suddenly sparked across his moistened gaze, and, as if suddenly realizing what he was doing, started slapping the tears off his ruddy face. His movements were that of a Candy Person caught with their hand in the cookie jar, which to Bonnie told of his fear-laden anxiety. She pitied him, and some maternal instinct within urged her to ease his fragile little mind.

Yet it was overtaken already with something immense, crushing almost, and it filled Bonnie with a feeling she was far, far too familiar with.

But she had little time, or desire, to wallow in regret. Finn, though, needed to hear it now over all else. "Glob, no, _no_. Finn, I didn't mean it like that." She clenched her hands into fists, unable to look at him any longer. "It's this stupid thing I do, where I just say things without even thinking and it always comes out as mean. I just..." She sighed heavily. "We just have to stop, rewind, and take this piece by piece. Because this is way _, way_ too much to take in at once."

"I'm sorry..." mumbled Finn, shaking his head.

"Don't be, I'm sorry for snapping." Bonnibel offered a sympathetic smile, hoping he would look at her and see the lack of anger in her face. And it was genuine - she, for once, didn't feel like she wore a mask.

His eyes never left the ground, even when he said, "I'm sorry," once more. Finn took one step back. As if on autopilot, Bonnie mirrored with an advancing lurch forward, holding hands with the dread his tone and motions took. "I-I shouldn't have come here."

"F-"

"I'll, _I'lljustbegoingbye!"_

And he bolted for the window he entered through. A ball of lead dropped into Bonnibel's stomach, with the words, _'He's leaving'_ etched upon its surface.

"FINN, NO!"

 _"JAKE!"_ Finn cried in desperation.

Everything passed by in a blur - time, her thoughts, even her very room as Bonnibel leapt forward, crashing into Finn and looping her arms around his chest. "Finn!" she cried into the top of his head. The boy writhed, "Leave me _alone!_ " he cried, squirming and slamming his feet upon her long legs.

" _Finn, stop it!_ " _You can't leave._ She squeezed tighter. _You can't leave me again._ "Finn, please, _please just let me talk!_ "

"GET OFF OF MY BROTHER!"

Bonnie snapped her gaze up just in time to see an enormous yellow fist fill her vision. Her entire being twisted, spiraling across the ground, with the fist morphing into a small, rotund shape but still clinging to her face.

They rolled to a stop with Jake standing on top, inflated to twice his size, and pushing her face into the carpet. "What the stuff is wrong with you?!"

 _"Jake,"_ was all she managed to get out before, "Trying to kidnap my bro!?" He pressed harder. "Turn him into one of your wacked-out experiments?!" And even harder. "You're messed up, Princess!"

She pressed her hands into his malleable flesh. _"Let me speak, you idiot!_ " Bonnie snarled into the carpet.

"Dude, get off her!"

And then he finally, suddenly, let go, albeit with the most reluctant "I really wanted to beat the tar out of her" sigh Bonnie had ever heard. Jake shrunk back into his normal form, and stepped away. Bonnie pushed herself up to her elbows, where she realized her lab coat had popped open, revealing her t-shirt with Timmy's face on it and pink sweatpants. She lost track of how long she'd worn this. Before her, Jake was stepping back at a cautious pace, keeping himself between her and Finn with the ferocity of a protective older brother.

Behind him, Finn held his hands close to his chest, looking upon Bonnibel with worry mixed with fear.

Bonnibel didn't even realize she had yet to get up when she reached out, "Jake, Finn..."

The dog shook his head. "No, no. This was a bad idea, and it's all my fault. We're leaving Finn."

He took his brother by the hand. "But, Jake..." he called out weakly.

_"We're leaving."_

The princess sensed what the human was trying to say. "Finn! No! Wait!" Bubblegum scrambled to her knees. She sprinted around to the window, blocking the boys in their path. "I'm not letting you go until we talk!" She didn't realize how bad she was shaking, and her voice matched it so.

And Jake warned, "Step off, Princess. You can't keep us here."

 _"I'M NOT TRYING TO!"_ Her hands trembled and her body did as well, her face glowed red and her voice echoed out across the vast expanse of the Candy Kingdom behind her.

She realized what was doing, what was happening, but the logical part of her brain was effectively slaughtered by her hormonal half, and it was not to be silenced. Not after a month of quiet.

"What _HAPPENED_ to us, Finn!?" she cried, and for half a second the princess and her hero exchanged shellshocked gazes.

"What did I do to make you _hate me_?!" she smacked a palm to her breast. "Tell me, _please_! I, I don't know, where I went _wrong_ ," she sniffled, "and, an' it's just been _killing me_ inside. Can you believe it? Me, getting caught up over something so, _so_ , _AGH_! I can't even not think about it unless my my mind is occupied with work! I mean, not that _THAT freakin' matters,_ because all my subjects are afraid I'll _blast_ 'em apart with my junk powers!"

She panted. "I, I thought that, that if I just swallowed it like a princess and focused on work like with the Lich, that it'd all be okay. That I could ignore it, and get over it, move on with my life like I did with Shoko, and Marceline, and the Lich, and I _just_ , _CAN'T!_ I can't! Not until you tell me why this had to happen! Not until I know EXACTLY what I did to push you away! Don't deny me this, Finn, _you can't..._ deny me this, Finn - not after everything we've been through!"

Silence, outside of Bubblegum's panting.

Pure, still, awkward silence.

Bonnie breathed in deep, briefly gazing up at the ceiling with her palms turned upward. "I don't _know_ , Finn! I don't _know_ if I can answer your question right away, because it isn't an easy thing to answer! But that doesn't mean I'm unwilling to _try_ , so, please, Finn," she placed her hands over her heart, "I care about you, I want to talk, but I can't do that if you _leave_."

"Alright Bubblegum-"

 _Jake._ Flashes of him and Finn leaving, of him smashing her face into the ground, snapped something within Bonnibel. And she snapped herself.

" _SHUT UP!"_ she roared, eyes squeezed shut. _"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP! **SHUT UUUP**!"_

Her head felt light, her eyes were still closed but she felt like the whole world was submerged in water. "Woah," was the last thing Bonnie heard before the world went black.

* * *

**I grossly underestimated the length of this chapter. Also I wanted to surprise y'all by saying, "This isn't going to be as easy as talking it out," and this being an unexpected and dramatic cutoff point.**

**Next chapter's definitely going to be the last one though.**


	5. My...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonnibel gets introspective and retrospective, and realizes the cause of all the chaos that occurs in her life.

She recalled dreamlike impressions of a beige wall, an IV fluid feeding pink soup into her pretend veins, and the muffled warble of the Candy Kingdom outside, functioning just fine without her input.

She was unsure how she felt about that.

Her gut knew better, strangely, as it writhed in protest, twisting in on itself as if to say, _It always has,_ _for the most part._

She had little input as to why, though; what that feeling meant. _Seems to be a running theme with me now,_ she mused, although it was more of a realization than a joke at her own expense.

Bonnie was uncertain if she was even awake or asleep. Her eyes would feel open, but she would only see flashes of her old life, intersparsed with Finn and Jake's shellshocked faces before she found herself "here," whatever that may be. Asleep, awake, the barrier between them mattered little, for her memory echoed with the embarrassment incarnate she'd unleashed upon those two boys. Almost to an obsessive degree, like destiny - cyclical. But that was crazy, for she never obsessed over anything. If she did she would, in Finn's own words, "Have a gross butt for a heart."

And she didn't have that, she knew she didn't.

So she didn't obsess. She didn't feel, either - she remembered it all, she remembered what she felt, but without experiencing those feelings herself; it was like watching a movie about someone else's life. It was weird but also spiritual in a way, looking at every moment of her existence as a blank blob of consciousness, and wondering where precisely she Globbed-up so bad that this had to happen to her.

After all, her earliest memories were not of intrigue, nor manipulation, but a huge, goofy wad of bubblegum landing painfully against a sharp rock - some mysterious force, some deeply rooted instinct, drove her to love and protect the poor fool.

Her last were special, in that garbage "destiny comes full circle" hogwash she heard the superstitious always peddle to fools who believe in magic. In a strange, contrived sort of way, she knew what it felt like to be the brother she lovingly called Neddy.

What it was like to be afraid, not of any one thing, but everything at once. And like Neddy she didn't know why, or how, but she just _did_ , and it scared her. She didn't want to face the unknown, so very used to having all the cards. And then one day, when she wasn't looking, her whole deck was in hand, spilling out from her grasp. Now it was on fire...

Bonnibel cried.

She didn't realize it herself, but those outside who tended to her did. The whole world outside might as well have been the product of some bizarre fever dream, none of it felt tangible anymore, none of it felt real, or in her control. Everything had spiraled out of her hands, for no reason at all except because it just _did_.

As if on cue, she found herself beside Peppermint Butler, watching Finn and Jake crash into the atmosphere, and then Lake Butterscotch. But between these two instances, she asked her faithful steward what their odds of survival were.

_"I'd say about a 50/50 chance."_

_"That's pretty much everything in life, isn't it?"_

Bubblegum had tried so very hard to embrace this philosophy, and it worked. Of course it did, though - when nothing was threatening her existence, or the lives of her loved ones, it was easy to sit back and pretend everything was perfectly fine.

She vaguely recalled meeting such an individual who told her of this philosophy - a green-skinned weirdo wearing a tattered banana-yellow suit and a funny little hat.

 _"First meetings, and last meetings, don't worry about_ me _\- I'm not coming back,"_ he sang in his funny voice. _"No, yes, yes_ and _no; no special lessons for_ you _, my friend, no help to offer! You're so_ smart _already, it's_ tons _more fun to watch you_ brew _your own chaos."_

He opened a portal with a cry of _"Wazoo!"_ but before Bubblegum could call her guards he'd said to her, _"Don't get a swelled head, Bonnibel - it might just blow up your face. Toodles!"_

And she never saw him again.

She wrote the encounter off as just another one of Ooo's stupid jokes. But that magic man was right, in a mind-bendy sort of way; life just happened sometimes, and Bonnie had spent her's trying to control every facet of it. To always be prepared, to do whatever it took to protect her kingdom.

_"And look where that got me..."_

_"You're never going to change, are you?"_

_"Or do you just not like ME?!"_

_"You'll just keep walking ALL OVER us little people!"_

_"She SAYS she's not a literal baby masquerading as an adult woman."_

_"You're cold, PB..."_

_"No, Bonnie, NO! You can't DO this, I'M YOU'RE UNCLE!"_

_"...and it's not because you're a scientist or a leader..."_

_"Was I ever really your friend?"_

_"...it's because YOU are a bad person."_

_"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP! **SHUT UUUP!** "_

And yet it felt like it wasn't there at all - like her entire body was just a hollow shell tricking her brain into _thinking_ she was feeling this way. Instead of the twin cogs that spun into the functioning individual of Princess Bubblegum, her consciousness and the mass of bubblegum that housed it felt more separate than ever.

Therefore, the unthinkable must have happened. The month's worth of emotions, all the anger and confusion and heartbreak and angst, just couldn't be contained any longer, and the princess exploded - figuratively, and literally. It would be so easy to just let go, not have to deal with any of it, ever again.

A small part of her wished that was the case - then she would never have to face those two boys ever again.

This part, however, was small for a reason, and was quickly smothered. _No_ , Bonnie's nonexistent heart ached in her very consciousness, as though writhing in protest, _this has gone on long enough._

And then she blinked. Then her eyes registered the face looking down upon her: Spring-green skin, a fair face adorned with freckles and brainiac-tier spectacles...

When their eyes locked, Doctor Princess's watered with relief. "Oh thank goodness," she breathed, a hand over her heart. And then she tripped over her words, as if she spoke too soon. "Bubblegum? You, you can hear me, and see me, right?"

Bonnibel quirked a brow - that had to be the silliest thing she'd heard all year. "Of course I can see you," she replied with bewilderment. Then, blinking, asked, "Um, what happened?"

"You had a stroke."

There was a beat.

"Or, a heart attack? Hmm..."

"That's impossible," Bonnie told her, patting the polka-dotted gown covering her chest and saying, "I don't have a heart."

Pointedly Doctor Princess told her, "Well, you do. Or, your body _thinks_ it does." Doctor Princess was rarely uncertain, or rather, she was a lot of the time, but never showed - but it showed here, yet she brushed it aside with a shake of the head.

"Whatever happened, it sure knocked you the math out. Honestly, I was afraid you were in a coma." Bonnie's stomach turned hearing that. "My recommendation? Relax, once in a while. Don't get yourself so worked up, Princess. Otherwise, the greatest threat to your life is, well, _you_. I'm going to get someone to watch you, so just rest in the meantime. Doctor's orders. You really need it, too."

Bonnibel said nothing more, the word "coma" still echoing throughout her memory, down into her bubblegum bones, chilling them, and rendering her sore. She had little choice but to slip back into unconsciousness like this.

* * *

Bubblegum, oftentimes, slept like a stone - unmoving, with her arms at her sides and over the covers. She would know, personally; there was enough archived security footage from Bedroom Cam #4 alone to cobble a feature film of just her sleeping. There was enough of it, and the Candy People would probably enjoy it, too.

Amidst the murky image of such a memory, and the faint musing borne from it, something about it suddenly felt inherently wrong - not from a moral standpoint, but just a little detail that her "Science Senses" picked up as factually incorrect.

Thus, a single word rang throughout in Bonnibel's voice: _Wait._

She began to mumble small noises, sensed her own face twist and contort into a grimace as she fidgeted about.

More memories surfaced, one capped with a "Keep Out" sign, and incited a perverse sort of self-satisfaction within herself. _Oh,_ she abruptly realized, _I disabled my security system._

And with that, her eyes popped open. _Oh my Glob what happened._

 _Where am I?_ Her eyes analyzed the tall, arced ceiling, lined with huge windows that opened to an expanse of blue that she found oddly soothing; as if everything was okay. A series of beds along the wall faced her, framed ingeniously out of candy canes. One of which, in the far corner to her left, was taken up by an enormous mass of muscle, whose cat-eared headgear told of its occupant.

Instantly the sight of her incited feelings of bitterness, and flashes of her bruised Banana Guards, a massive hand ready to splat her into pink paste, Finn almost kidnapped, him and a nearly-dead Jake wheeled into the hospital...

 _The... I'm in the hospital?_ she realized. Her mind immediately wandered to the last time she herself was a patient here, when she almost died twice because of the Lich.

That thought alone was enough to send her heart into a rise, on top of the connotations her current presence brought, and her last memory _Oh Glob where are those boys now, how are my citizens doing, how long was I out, what's the state of the kingdom, Peps where is that Glob-darned chamomile-_

Raven-black hair tickled her nose, and a "Heyyy, sleepyhead," was followed up by three smooth, successive strums of a bass guitar.

To this day, Bonnibel couldn't figure out how she did that without lugging an amp around. Then again, that might have interfered with the way she liked to surrender herself to the planet's momentum like one would upon a river, and lazily drift about as she did right now. Her blue-green eyes, though positively alive as they ever were, held an exhaustion to them that, accompanied by the singular grey t-shirt with a pine tree that stopped at her pallid, dusky knees, told of a narrative the princess wanted to not exist (for several reasons, naturally - it's never just one, isn't it?)

But, first, there was the fact that she was here in the first place.

"Marceline...?" was all Bonnibel could force out of her in a strained, albeit positive, surprisingly, tone of voice.

Her vampiric soulmate (a label Bonnie had bestowed without her friend's knowledge out of pure psychological necessity) was admittedly not the first person she expected to see, but alas, life had been so very confounding these last few years, and Bonnibel learned to roll with the punches centuries ago (at least about the small stuff).

Marceline bore a reserved little smile as she hummed, seemingly in confirmation to Bonnie's musings. "And before you ask, no, you're not dead," she teased, twisting over so she floated on her stomach. "Probably not see me if you were - I'm no angel, honey."

"That's an understatement."

Marceline threw her head back and cackled, and the pulling sensation inside told her she ought to do the same. She would, in fact, had this been any other day, and an admittedly greater concern didn't already plague her mind. " _Not_ that I'm not happy to see you," is how she began, mindful of Marceline's sake, and only partially aware of the tightening within her own breast, "but... why are you...? Where-?"

"Shh," punctuated by a pair of fingertips, smelling distinctly of strawberries, halted the inevitable barf of questioning about to leave the princess's consciousness.

She was already enraptured by her friend's intense, shielded gaze - and that was before she started speaking in her low, smoky, and simultaneously caring voice:

" _Chill_ , Bonnie. You already stressed yourself into a freakout once."

Marceline spoke with such gentleness, that Bonnie was compelled to nod in compliance when she added:

"...So don't let that happen again... Okay?" Marceline let out a soft cackle seeing Bonnie bob her head up and down like a child.

Its frailty, however, revealed Marceline's obvious feelings - Bonnibel knew her all too well, but also when not to pry in her business, and so she made no such comment. Not like she'd used to. Although the princess could always see how her eyes swam with a thousand years worth of emotions like bright, clear ponds, even now: concern, fear, anger, _Oh my Glob Bonnie what the heck is your deal why didn't you tell me-_

Bonnie swallowed it down anyway, wishing not to comment and ruin yet another friendship.

Marceline prided herself on being a stone-cold punk with no moral code. Of course that was total bunk, and Bonnie believed it to be a subconscious effort to protect herself from experiencing future heartache on top of the huge mess of a history she'd lived. But, as Bonnie reflected just moments prior, life had been confounding these last few years. And just like herself, it took the oblivious efforts of a human boy to achieve such a confusing state, and Marceline had allowed herself to love again.

Although still she felt it necessary to hide herself behind a relaxed and consciously aloof exterior, but Bonnibel could sense it - Marcy really, really loved her friends.

Only now, surely, she must know what was happening to them; surely she must know the depth of their pain, the messiness of it all, the confusion, and the angst. Surely, even if Marceline did not fully understand the scope of both sides to this story, especially since Bonnibel still had trouble understanding her own, she must have been aware of one simple fact:

That her friends were falling apart, had been for weeks, and she wasn't aware of it at all until... until...

However reluctant, Bonnie attempted to inquire: "How... How long...?" The words died in her throat anyway, trying to decide between, _How long did you know?_ vs. _How long was I out?_

Two questions she truly did not want to know the answer to, but knew she had to.

Marceline, thankfully, seemed to anticipate one of them and inadvertently answered both - descending so she was at eye-level with Bonnie, Marcy lightly explained with an oddly blank disposition, "You were out for a day... Been here since last night, when I heard about what happened."

"Second-hand."

"From _Simon_."

Her tone told all that it needed to, and yet the princess lied in her bed, awaiting more like a spoonfed child - simultaneously ignoring the fact that Marceline avoided making eye-contact when she answered. Instead, the vampire just returned to quietly strumming her bass, and Bonnibel scolded her with a hard, nagging gaze. She had to - Bonnie could not stand to acknowledge the fact she'd hurt another friend just by being herself.

And in that moment, it clicked.

It all made sense - why she hurt so much, to think about this and Finn, the past, and everything that led to this moment, right here, in the Candy Kingdom medical ward between two angsty immortals.

Because everything that happened, her repeated risings and fallings, pushing away friends without ever realizing it... everything bad that has ever happened to Bonnibel Bubblegum... had been... _because of me._

Her people weren't hurt because of Patience, _it was because of me._

And Finn believed that everything they had done together was all a big, gross lie. And although Bonnibel still didn't understand why, she just knew the reason was _because of me. It's always been because of me..._

_That magical man was right. Glob, he... he was..._

And without her consent, an annoyingly familiar weight settled upon her chest. But did Bonnibel make the subconscious effort to ignore that feeling? To propel herself toward material concerns that, in the scheme of her kingdom, ultimately mattered more, like she'd always done?

 _Nuts to that noise,_ her heart seemed to say, as Bonnibel submitted on the spot - she allowed herself to experience her ache in its glorious entirety, but she did not speak aloud right away. To will her maelstrom of thoughts into cohesive words was overridden by something primal, subconscious - as though her instincts realized that nothing, no words, could ever justify the things she'd done, realized or no.

No words, of course, except two.

"...I'm sorry," she choked.

The vampire floating beside her twitched, hearing her words without the speaker hearing them for herself. She still refused to meet her gaze, which was understandable, instead maintaining eye contact with the ward's opposing wall. "...Why didn't you tell me?" she asked in a quiet voice.

And Bonnibel truthfully replied, gasping, "I-... I'm sorry, _I'm so sorry about everything_."

"Woah, Bonnie-"

"I don't know." She buried her face. She shook her head. "I don't know why I didn't tell you. I don't know why Finn's hurting. I really, _really_ don't know anymore. But I _do_ know, that I'm just _so messed-up,_ Marceline. You don't even-"

Everything seemed to stop-dead in her throat when a mass of winding, black hair filled her vision, and a pair of arms encircled her gown-clad torso. "Please don't justify yourself to me," she whispered hastily to Bonnie. "Especially if you're gonna be saying stuff like that. Only I can say stuff like that, got it?"

The princess exhaled shakily - from Marceline's voice in her ear, or her fingertips teasing the gummy-skin exposed at her back, she was uncertain. Oblivious, Marceline continued, unaware of the impact such sudden closeness had on Bonnibel.

Or, perhaps, she did know.

"I'm not mad," she muttered after a hesitant beat. "Just confused. And..." Bonnie was unprepared for Marceline to suddenly pull away, and see the tears running quietly down the princess's pink cheeks. But she gave no acknowledgement, no reason to make Bonnibel feel ashamed.

She never did, and Marceline finished, "It... seems, like this is something that has to be fixed. Like, today... Right?"

"Mm." Bonnie nodded, rubbing her cheeks and sniffling grotesquely. It was uncouth, sure, but in the company of Marceline that was the flavor of the day.

"Where is he?" Bonnie asked on the spot - she meant to say "they," truly she did, for Jake was hurting too and she regarded him just as fiercely. But he was hurting far less than Finn, and if she were honest with herself for once, Jake was the absolute last person she wanted to deal with at this very moment.

She was a bit ashamed to feel happy when Marceline, drifting away, replied, "Jake's home. I haven't talked to him personally. And _Finn's_... well... _around_ , at least."

Bonnibel would have immediately snapped into "Princess Mode," had her friend's tone not sounded so... _sad._ "Marceline?" she inquired, and her friend knew what she meant.

"The kid putzes, keeping peace and junk. Haven't seen him since yesterday though, never seen him come in... But when I talked to him, he-..." Marceline shook her head, cutting off whatever thought came to mind and simply told Bonnie what her gut previously assumed: "He thinks this is all his fault, like, his guilt and junk... He hasn't told me outright, but I know what that looks like."

Bonnibel nodded, gazing downward as she mulled over this new information. Of course Finn would feel entirely responsible. While she still didn't fully grasp the scope of his pain, Bonnie knew the healing process was beyond the realm of a simple pep talk, an "of course we're friends, get over it," if you will. _It isn't going to be any easier than it would have been yesterday,_ she realized. _Especially now that he thinks he almost killed me._

That was entirely not true, nor was it solely her own, but that was besides the point.

_The point..._

Bonnibel jolted upright, startling Marceline back a foot or two when she cried out, "Oh Glob, my kingdom! My people! I, I, Marceline, I-"

She had one pink leg out of bed before the vampire grasped it gently and lifted it back underneath the covers. " _Chill_ , Bonnie, chill," she said, tucking her in. The princess frowned at being patronized, but listened intently when Marcy informed her that "Everything's fine."

"Finn told the Candy People that you're just sick." Bonnie felt absolute relief hearing that - Glob forbid her creations fear the worst. "But things have been pretty calm! Surprisingly enough." Although she knew they weren't aware, Bonnie couldn't help herself but feel as hurt as she did the time they preferred that shyster's rule over her own - ridiculous as it was, she could have very well been dead, and none of them would've been aware, or probably even care.

"Hey, Bonnie."

Even dragging her gaze over to the right of her bed felt like en egregious effort, but it was honestly worth it when she was met with Marceline just peeking over the edge of her bed, smiling innocently.

Smiling wearily, Bonnie asked, "What's up, Marceline?"

She answered in a singsong voice, "I got a surprise for you."

In truth, no surprise would fix the world of problems currently weighing upon her; yet Bonnie hid these feelings, and played along. "Okay, okay; don't tease me, what is it?"

Bonnibel was always quick to feel, and quicker to react, whereas thinking had a bad habit of coming in last.

This time was no different, when, just as her misgivings about her creations stewed within, Marceline swiftly ducked underneath the bed and withdrew something flimsy and light enough for her to hold in one hand, and yet, tall enough to almost reach the ceiling.

It was scratched top to bottom in color, and Bonnibel couldn't help but wrinkle her nose in distaste. "What is-?"

Her words, her thoughts, her entire being stopped rigid, ground to a halt, when she read Mr Cupcake's signature out of one of the scribbles.

"Wh-? _Huh_?"

Beside it she saw Crunchy's. An below his, squished between Chet's and Taffy Girl's, was Manfried's.

Wide and unblinking, Bonnibel's eyes raked across, up and down, diagonal and in circles: Dirt Beer Guy, Dextrose, Cake Guy, Taffy Girl, Chocoberry, Gumdrop Gal one and two, Colonel Candy Corn-

Her wide eyes widened even further in surprise when her pace was ruined, as Marceline opened the folded construction paper to reveal...

Even more names: Starchy, Cherry Cream Soda, Punch Bowl, Dr. Donut, Peppermint Butler, Baby Snaps, Kenneth, Gelatin Man, Nurse Poundcake, _"Feel better, Princess Bubblegum!"_ and Marceline's and Jake's and Finn's and _"We love you!"_ along with Banana Guards' one through one-hundred, which were all written in blinding-yellow marker that just meshed together in one big eyesore but it was just so adorable and they only occupied a quarter of the available space because there was just _so much paper_ and not enough room to contain the name of every person in the kingdom, and it was getting hard to read them all as they gradually blurred together and Bonnie tried blinking but that just made it worse yet something compelled her to read every single one until finally she reached the last Ice Cream Guy before a sob blubbered past her lips and-

And then Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum was outright bawling.

Flushed and tearful, she rubbed her face, laughing between cries. "Why-?" was the only word she managed to get out amidst all of this - she meant to ask, _Why did they do this?_ but it seemed her heart and mind already knew the answer.

Marceline answered anyway, likely assuming Bonnie was confused, who didn't even notice herself clinging to the Vampire Queen until she chuckled in her ear.

"I watched them spend all of yesterday and today passing this around," she mused in her smooth, lovely voice. "I guess, after Finn told them you were in the hospital..." Marcy shook her head, chuckling once more. "Honestly, I haven't seen them band together like this since the whole Vampire King affair."

"Aww!" Bubblegum crossed her hands over her heart, as if that would contain the joy swelling within. _You know what?_ she thought to herself. _To heck with containment! I'm going to indulge myself for once!_

And thus, Bonnie shut her eyes, and felt.

Whatever was inside her bubblegum bosom relished this feeling like a man deprived of thirst, and suddenly given water. It was relieving, and that alone, being able to label her own feelings for once, made the princess even happier.

It was when she started to hear herself hum in contentment, did she finally will her eyes to open. Inches away, Marceline floated upon her stomach, feet kicked up, and an impish little smile adorning her fair features. "I guess you really liked your surprise," she remarked. "Haven't seen you smile like _that..._ well, _ever_ actually."

Bonnie could not help but blush - it wasn't often she let herself become so emotionally free, but Marceline's presence just seemed to have that effect on her. But the latter portion of her comment settled, and the princess felt herself frowning from the looming shame and embarrassment she felt when asking, "Is that bad?"

"Yeah," Marceline answered in traditional tactlessness. She was only half-redeemed when she added with a wink, "But you're not alone."

With a soft giggle, followed by all the sincerity she could muster (which was a heck of a lot), Bonnibel replied, "Thank you, _so much,_ Marcy." A beat passed. "Honestly, I needed that."

The vampire gradually twisted herself overhead. "Yeah, I know," she answered lightly. "You have Finn to thank for that one. I'm not totally sure what's been going on either, but he got the idea that your peeps were, I dunno, afraid of you or whatever?" When she saw her friend's face fall, the vampire quickly panicked. "No-no-no! Wait! _Shoot_ ," she hissed, "I-I mean, I don't really _know_ what happened or what you probably did, but I-"

Her attempts at making amends for righting some imaginary wrong, only served to intensify the gross feeling that stewed within. Gently Bonnibel cut through her ramblings, "It's okay." The vampire froze mid-sentence, confusion clouding her expression. "It _will be_ okay," Bonnibel said aloud, and Marceline nodded as if she were the one being spoken to.

When the princess assured herself as much, the lack of input from either inside voice was surprisingly welcome. Either they were gone, or, perhaps, in agreement.

The calm within told as much.

Bonnibel turned to Marceline with a hardness in her gaze that, in a turning of the tables as it were, rendered the Vampire Queen entranced as well. "Marceline, thank you for everything. I promise, _promise_ that I'll tell you everything, but later. Right now, I need you to find Finn for me, and bring him to my tower."

"O-Okay?" Marceline stared for a several awkward seconds before she blinked back into reality. "I mean, yeah, whatever. Sure thing, Bon."

Perhaps she snapped into "Princess Mode" a little too abruptly for the Vampire Queen to handle, especially when she herself was caught off guard by her sudden determination. Not that Bonnie was complaining - she never looked an opportunity jelly horse in the mouth.

"Thanks, Marcy."

 _I can do this,_ she thought to herself, pumping up. _I can make this right. I'm Princess freaking Bubblegum._

* * *

**I continue to underestimate the length of this finale. Not that that's a problem, really; I wanna hit all the bases instead of rushing it. But I swear on my life, next chapter will definitely be the last. Next chapter Finn and Bubblegum will finally have their sorely-needed talk.**

**Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter regardless**


	6. Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonnibel wants her hero back

**Last chapter, split into parts, because it's a long one – 46,748 words.**

**I've literally written almost 50k words about just two people crying.**

**I hope this was worth it – the wait, the teasing, and assurances of next chapter being the last over and over. Thanks to each and every one of you who favorited, followed, and reviewed this story on and ArchiveOfOurOwn. I didn't think it would get much notice, and I adored every review, especially those that praised this just for being different and meaningful.**

**Because ultimately, despite my discussion at the end, that was my main goal: to make something meaningful in which you cared about the characters involved. I'd like to think the amount of notice this little story has gotten proved that to be a resounding success.**

**Join Bonnibel one last time, and let's see if the conclusion is everything she and you had hoped for.**

* * *

She found him easily enough - Finn never strayed far from the castle's front steps.

 _Kinda like how Simon always found himself on my doorstep…_ Marceline shook her head. That was in the past now. Simon has more than her now, and he's happy.

And that made her happy.

"Hey, hero!"

He flinched like a beaten dog, robotic digits clenching the grip of his rapier. His wide, bag-laden eyes whizzed about, and only at the sound of, "Up here!" did they look toward the speaker, flaring with delight upon realizing who it was.

"Oh, hey Marcy! Loving life right now? You're dressed like it," he quipped, giving her a once-over.

The Vampire Queen struck a pose, sticking out her butt. "Nah, just suffering from a se- _vere_  lack of dignity."

The two laughed together, and for a moment, however brief, everything felt normal.

"So, what's up?" Finn asked, bringing things back to reality without even realizing it, like always.

Marceline was a master at not letting it show. "I'll tell you what's up." She wracked her brain for an excuse she'd already mulled over, between leaving one friend and greeting another. "There's this  _thing_ Bubblegum needs from her room, but I'm having trouble finding it. Mind giving me a hand?"

"Yeah, of course!"

He didn't even question it - Marceline empathized, knowing what it was like to vie for distractions from one's innermost thoughts. Although Finn sought after the comparatively healthy variety (and Marceline was going to make damn sure he stays that way).

She wore a grin. "Then hang tight, kid." He was light as a feather against her heightened undead-strength, and together they soared high toward Bonnie's tower. She felt how relaxed his muscles were beneath her fingers. It spoke volumes of the trust Finn had in her, when she could easily just drop him right now - the fall would kill him, and literally no one would be able to do anything about it.

For a long, long time, Marceline thought Finn was just ignorant, stupid even, or simply naive to trust someone like her. It wasn't until he rescued her from the Nightosphere, that she realized: although he was indeed all those things, Finn cared about her.

Like actually, really,  _cared_  about her.

And in spite of her fears, Marceline couldn't help herself but feel the same, perhaps even more so - she would never, ever hurt him. Finn had to have been aware of that, at least to some degree.

...Right?

Why else would he so fervently trust a vampire that didn't even trust herself?

Therefore, he had to have known. Something that proved he didn't just trust her implicitly...

In the early years of their friendship, Marceline would stay awake for hours, staring holes into her ceiling, digesting these questions alongside the many other enigmas that had tumbled into her life these last five years.

It'd become so unbearable at one point, she had to vent these emotions in the healthiest way she knew how: through music.

_'I don't know what to do without you,'_

_'I don't know where to put my hands,'_

_'I've been trying to lay my head down,'_

_'But I'm writing this at three AM!'_

…Did she feel bad about lying to Finn?

If it was the easiest way to get these two dingbats in a room together, then, well, no. Not at all. Her idiots were being idiots to each other, and that just will not do. It's like if peanut butter hated jelly: there was just something inherently wrong about it, but good luck figuring out why.

But did she feel bad about betraying their trust? Even if, when all was said and done, they won't care?

 _'_ _I don't want you tellin' Bubblegum_ any  _of this, alright Marcy?'_

 _'_ _Yeah, fine, fine.'_ He saw her smile, heard her words, and grinned at how sincere she seemed.

_Fingers crossed behind your back - that still counts after a thousand years, right?_

_…?_

"Hey Finn, I'm gonna drop you! I'm slipping! Whup-whup!  _Woah!_ "

His laughter was sweet and ignorant. Marceline drowned herself in it.

* * *

After donning some truly flattering sweatpants, and a hoodie to match, Marceline left to search for Finn. Bonnibel was now alone in her throne of sugar, but not empty-handed, for the Vampire Queen imparted her with two gifts.

Bubblegum disliked the first, it was like a bad habit - couldn't take her mind off it, yet at the same time her stomach churned away painfully like a big, bubbling cauldron. Not until she took those thoughts, any subject that reminded her of it, and tossed them into a mental closet, did the uncomfortable writing cease. She locked the door with a key shaped like the second gift, and handed it to a little Cinnamon Bun to swallow (Oh, how she missed that silly pastry sometimes).

Her thoughts, part automatic and in-part forceful, filled from corner to corner with notions of the second gift. And why not? It was so much more  _practical_! And she could actually reach out and touch it, it was tangible; anything like that was automatically better,  _of course_.

And a plus: it was less likely to blow up in her face. The fear alone was enough to drive her into a panic attack, and those could only ever be staved off by a nice cup of chamomile.

 _BUT Peps isn't_ here _and I don't know how to_ make _tea. SO, I'll worry about it later!_

Bonnie squeezed her eyes shut, rendering the world a murky darkness. When she opened them again she found herself bent over the second gift left by the Vampire Queen.

Clothes, naturally: the best gift of all time. Marceline left them at the foot of her bed, alongside the psychological assurance not to rush it:  _"Come up when you're ready, 'kay Bon?"_ she spoke with such gentle melodiousness.

As if that made what was coming any easier.

Bubblegum had gulped and nodded—her throat lodged with a solid ball of nothing, and not because of her friend's oh-so-lovely voice. Those pesky, prior thoughts she'd just banished drove her to shed the covers as soon as those double doors swung shut, urgency fueling her movements until everything in her being simply locked into place when she thought of it…

The door was locked tight, and Bonnie mentally pressed herself against it when the wood began to splinter.

Her garments were obviously not the vampire's doing, for the simple fact that they were folded into a neat little pile. Upon it sat a familiar purple sticky note - Peppermint Butler's signature, usually for when her world became all-consuming, and everything else faded into the background.

 _Somewhere in the kingdom, he's staying with one of his cute little friends,_ Bonnie mused, deciding in that moment to grant him this small vacation. She would prefer him at her side right now, and for more reasons than one. Yet at the same time, Pep-But worked himself to the metaphorical bone for her, even when she was being moody and difficult.

The thought left Bonnie quick as it came while snatching the note and reading it - she felt herself smiling hard as she did.

 _I guess I'm on vacation now?_  Bonnie had little issue reading it in her servant's squeaky little voice. _Eh, whatever - happy healing, Princess! I do hope you allow yourself to recover (I like to think my outfit choice speaks for itself). I have my phone on hand in case you need to get a hold of me. - Peppermint Butler_

His choice of attire did speak, quite a lot actually - "Relax Prubs, you're not playing the royal like this anyway." It was a deliberate choice which  _of course_  Bonnie would scold him for, had he been present.

The speed at which her gown hit the floor, she felt, adequately expressed her thoughts on the matter.

Bubblegum tossed the enormous striped tee overhead while simultaneously jamming her legs into her jean-shorts, acutely aware of how ridiculous she looked, but more so of how little she gave a toot. Multitasking was a wonderful skill to have.

A belt complimented her baby-blue jorts nicely, whose buckle was shaped like a cookie and muffin combo - chocolate chip, obviously. Bonnie cinched it about her waist with one hand while the other busied itself tucking her shirt in; its volume still spilled over a little, yielding little in the ways of a defined shape for her figure. The whole thing was totally different from her bod-encompassing formal attire, instead more like a big, comfy hug.

And, in realizing this, Bonnie was reminded that she would never, ever "relax." Not truly:

"Wait," she murmured, "where's my crown?"

Sleeves draping her elbows, Bonnie's fingers felt around her bubblegum hair; as if expecting the thing to be invisible, when in reality she was merely surprised its absence had gone on for so long. Bonnibel hardly ever realized when she wore it, like a pair of glasses.

Turning, Bonnie found it was hiding from her, sitting on the nightstand beside her bed.  _My bunny ears,_ the princess mused, fastening them above her brow.  _Hopping around for everyone's amusement, pretending._

Bonnibel did not begrudge nor bemoan them, however. It was the way things were, the life she'd chosen, and truly, Bonnie couldn't imagine her life without the yoke of her existence.

Her self-imposed exile, brief but eye-opening, proved as much.

She had crouched to retrieve the discarded hospital gown when that memory reminded her of its existence.

Her entire being stood stiff, balling it in her hands. Her breathing quickened in tandem with her motions; a rise of feeling swelled within, hurting…

_I need to see Finn now._

Bonnibel burst into a speed-walk. Halfway across the ward, she was running. She shouldered through the double-doors without even realizing it, until her upper arm pulsed with a dull ache.

She didn't slow until the second gift filled her thoughts. When it did, she slowed to a snail's crawl.

And back in the medical ward, her patient gown sat balled up against the laundry basket.

* * *

The journey to her tower was decidedly... lonely.

Her home's corridors were long and silent, where she had only her naked footfalls to abide by. On any given day, the daily happenings of the castle staff brought so much  _life_  to the place.

She heard their echoes still as she traversed her home's labyrinth – excitable chatter, the ghostly brush of the little ones dashing past her ankles, they were this place's lifeblood in  _literally_  every sense of the word. Now empty and veritably dead, Bonnibel was painfully aware now of how accustomed she'd grown to their presence, to the point where her reason for existing was drowned in the overwhelming pressures that came with protecting them from Ooo.

Now, she was without science to occupy her thoughts. And Bonnie knew she'd go nuts before reaching her room, if the only thing in existence was the rhythmic  _slap, slap, slap_ echoing amidst her wafer-walled home. And before she knew it, she was thinking about Marceline's second gift again.

Bonnie was loathe to allow it, but had little free will to deny what her heart desired.

Not that she had a pool of options to choose from; it was either that or spend the next however-long plotting on what to say to Finn when they finally met, and the princess knew of all the good setting such expectations for herself were  _the last time_ that happened…

 _"_ _What_ happened  _to us, Finn!?"_

The shiver that ran down her spine was nowhere near as painful as the lump she tried to swallow.

And yet, the gift Marceline had unwittingly bestowed upon Bonnibel was just as volatile, perhaps even more so.

For how else should Bonnie process the strong sense of  _hope_  she had given her?

Not that she blamed Marceline, as only a genuine, bonafide jerk would do such a thing to the poor girl, for trying to help her friends out. And in truth, Bonnie had little notion of what she'd have done next had Marceline not inserted herself as a neutral third party.

Marcy couldn't possibly have grasped the effect her words might've had on her lifelong companion, knowing very little of the conflict's  _nature_  between herself and Finn.

Though, to be fair, Bonnie knew just as much.

With surprisingly little embarrassment she recalled her meltdown, the things she'd said to Finn and Jake.

Bonnie was, for once, happy to have disabled her security system, ensuring that little scene would never be subject to scrutiny by anyone except those who witnessed it.  _Perhaps it's for the best this happened,_ the peculiar, momentary calm within seemed to reason.  _If it made Finn realize just how badly this has affected me, enough to want to stick around the kingdom…_

The princess hooked her thumbs into the pockets of her jean-shorts, frowning at the ground.

 _Am I horrible for thinking that?_ A thought that may or may not have been forced affirmed,  _Of course not,_ and akin to the theoretical power of Magic, the disgusting, distracting feeling of uncertainty went away, and she forgot about it entirely.

 _Finn doesn't think we're friends,_ Bonnie surmised.  _Or rather, he believes it was all some kind of lie?_

The "why" of it, though, was still so very confusing. She knew that it was Patience who filled his head with lies, among biased accountings and Glob knows what else. But "why" Finn bought into them, after so many years of friendship, made little sense to her.

 _Here's hoping my little 'episode' made him realize how ridiculous he's being._ Suddenly, unexpectedly, a sigh came out of her she didn't bother to contain, ghosting down the forlorn corridor stretching before her.

 _What a mess._ Bonnie pressed forward, despite the heaviness of her feet. _All to make me use my powers. My horrible, dangerous,_ stupid _powers..._ Adorable get-well card aside, Bubblegum's stomach turned over and over and over, recalling the trepidation that now plagued her people's admiration.

Different from the quiet-fear/awe mixture for their princess and quintessential "Glob" she'd grown accustomed to.

But a true, genuine terror; that Princess Bubblegum could, and probably  _would,_  end up hurting them again. She never, ever would, of course,  _Except that I… I… I_ did _…_ a-and she,  _I_ , could very well do it again…

Bonnibel clenched her hands into fists so tight her gummy skin turned sour cream-white.

The woman's schemes, using them as cannon fodder, it flooded her with an overwhelming disgust, so overwhelming that she grit her teeth now without even realizing it. Patience had to pay,  _PAY!_

.

.

.

Bonnibel exhaled shakily, her steps coming to just as tremulous a stop. A familiar tiredness soaked into her bubblegum bones, and any prior notions relating to the incident were forgotten.

What's done is done, forward is the only direction.  _My people made a freaking_ card _for me. They've forgiven me..._

There was no reason to think about it anymore. Patience's time will come.

But later.

There were bigger things to worry about.

Princess Bubblegum thought about Finn's role in all this.  _He_ must _feel incredibly guilty for believing Patience's lies._  It simply made  _sense_.

Bonnie was surprised to not garner any sense of satisfaction such a deduction would normally achieve. Not that she even tried, her mind, while brilliant, was highly susceptible to emotional stimuli. Especially when that stimuli stemmed from someone she cared about.

 _Finn was used…_ Her eyes widened, as her breath shallowed, with Bonnie realizing, _He was used like a tool._

As a pawn in some disgusting scheme concocted by Patience St. Pim, not even on the level he deserved. Bonnie's chest ached just thinking about the poor boy being manipulated like that. Finn was too sweet to be used in such a way, and the emotional and psychological torment this conflict clearly inflicted upon him was awful.

Atrocious.

 _Literally_   _inhumane_.

Bonnie's gaze was to the ground, watching her bare feet slide in and out of sight.

 _"The kid putzes, keeping peace and junk…"_  she recalled Marceline saying.  _"He thinks this is all his fault, like, his guilt and whatever... hasn't told me outright, but I know what that looks like."_

Bonnie had zero difficulty visualizing this reality: Finn, patrolling the Candy Kingdom, keeping her little candies safe and happy. Doing so in spite of his hurt. Bonnie, especially now, had always admired Finn's willingness to help others before himself (despite a few hiccups here and there in the past, but hey, he's only human).

Bonnie slowed to a stop, mid-step.  _Finn actually HAS an excuse…_ But she shook her head, perishing the thought.

It eased the weight on her chest, if only slightly, knowing her hero wasn't allowing this mess to hinder his responsibilities.

She smiled, feeling it inside, validating her feelings to be true and reminding her that they were real. It was warm and thick, this feeling, like a gentle embrace within herself.

 _Oh Glob,_ she realized with dread, _I have hope again!_

Bonnie couldn't help herself as it burned bright and strong, rising in tandem with the steps she ascended, one after another after another...

For Bubblegum, despite everything that's happened between them, was happy her hero did not resent her, for whatever transgressions she'd apparently committed. Staying in the kingdom, agreeing to resolve this confusing mess of misinformation, it was already more than the princess could ever hope for prior to her capture by the Ice King.

_Now, we have a chance to set things right._

Except hope was volatile.

It could easily turn against her, burn her.

_Finn could be serious._

Perhaps she did indeed do something so terrible to him, so profoundly awful, that he couldn't possibly forgive her.  _Ever_.

Bonnie stiffened, if only slightly, before shedding such a…  _ridiculous_  notion. Finn HAD to forgive her. He, He was only human, and humans weren't  _like_  her. They were  _free_  and, and  _not_   ** _immortal_** …

So, logically, Finn will have to forgive her, because he doesn't have the luxury of holding a grudge forever like Marceline.

Her stomach plummeted to the deepest depths of the Nightosphere anyway, as if her own consciousness was in disagreement.

Like it or not, all of these stood in the realm of possibilities, much as Bonnibel wished to deny it.

 _No!_ she denied the worst reality, hardening her resolve and raising determination-laden fists.  _That isn't going to happen!_

_I, I won't allow it!_

Slowly her face and fists fell.

 _Oh, but there's the possibility that it still_ could _…_

She tried drilling that into her mind,  _'This could go bad,'_  mentally preparing herself for any scenario,  _'This could go bad,'_ like always.

It was a defense mechanism that Bonnibel couldn't help but embrace, like a frostbitten man takes to an open fire, ignorant to the harm it inflicts upon him.

After all, she would have been metaphorically chewed up and spat out a long time ago, had she only ever anticipated things to go well.

And yet some definitely small, totally quiet, not-at-all-enormous part of Bonnie couldn't help but disagree with what kept trying to worm its way into her heart, like a thick, slimy parasite:

_I want my hero back._

Whatever she'd probably done and most likely not, it didn't matter. Bonnie cared too much to not even try. Bonnie always had, really, but it took this whole mess to realize just how much.

She wanted her buddy to come do "science things" with her again. She wanted to see him get excited about being her helper.

She wanted so,  _so_  badly for everything to work out, and there was nothing she could do to help it.

All of these, though, and Bonnibel failed to understand why. Perhaps there wasn't a reason, and she was just a victim to her emotions like Marceline the Vampire Queen.

And that was perhaps the worst part about all this: not a thing on this planet or in this dimension could be done to improve her outcome.

It was a lot to ask for, and Bubblegum could do nothing but face it head-on without preparation - for all the potential disasters she could have done so, this, somehow, was not one of them.

The unknown was scary, and Bonnie realized, on the spot, that losing Finn's friendship was considered a disaster.  _Why is it so hard to breathe all of a sudden?_

Bonnie was hopeless against the thickness filling her breast. Only a cup of chamomile may flush the system, but Peps was indisposed and Bonnie didn't know how to make it herself, and before she knew it she was shouldering through a door with twice the force necessary, her train of thought eviscerated not by its wall-trembling slam but instead the simple utterance of,

"P-Princess?"

His voice was strong as a Grasslands breeze, and it froze Bonnibel on the spot.


	7. Everything (Pt 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonnibel gives an explanation, and Finn does too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fixed the chapter orders - will be doing these one a day, just to make it more organized and posting a more updated version.

**ii**

_"But I_ know  _you, Finn... And_ I _know, that_ you _know_ me _."_

* * *

Her entire body snapped into statuesque stillness. Her eyes magnetized to his, wide and unblinking and totally uncomprehending. Who she was, her kingdom, her prior rapid-fire thoughts and all the anxieties within just vanished, like sugar through one's fingers, when he turned his full body around to face her from the other side of the room.

She only saw Finn, the shock in his eyes, and somehow knew, in that moment, that the sudden putty-like twisting inside her bosom must be mutual. She only caught a glimpse of the vampire behind him upon entering, Marceline's presence visible for a second before she faded into nothing.

Not that Bonnie noticed.

Her sharp, analytical gaze darted about her surroundings, puzzled for half a heartbeat before realization settled upon her heart, and mutated into a gross lurch of anxiety: the pinkness of the room before her, the huge bed, vanity, the open balcony which cast the darkened room in a serene while simultaneously eerie calm, with what relatively little light it allotted…

_"_ _Right now, I need you to find Finn for me, and bring him to my tower."_

This was it, she realized with a drop in her gut. This was the moment she'd been waiting for. The moment where she would apologize to Finn and ease whatever turmoil ravaged his heroic soul.

She grasped and gaped for something, anything, to say, because Finn was right there and she had an apology to make and a friendship to save. She swallowed the breath stuck in her windpipe, audibly gulping amidst the quiet blanketing the two of them.

"Hi Finn," she murmured finally, mild surprise coloring the greeting she'd spoken countless times in the past.

A smile came easily, as if practiced, as did what slipped from her consciousness with as much thought: "I hope you weren't waiting long," she said, disarmingly pleasant even to herself.

Her mask concealed the hurricane within, yet Finn seemingly felt its bluster still as his look turned cockeyed, posture continuously rigid as a gargoyle's. One foot was poised behind the other, his hands close to his chest, fleshy little fingers fidgeting with his robotic ones, clenching them, pulling them, obsessively.

Bonnie didn't look at his face, she didn't want to.

He knew; he could see it in her, the anxiety that pulsed within like a heartbeat, pushed her brows together, made her words sound so incredibly strangled and forced in their effort to sound genuine. All while Bonnie's imaginary heart hammered, hammered, hammered…

 _Sound genuine._ She did not care, then, that Finn could clearly see her face fall. Faking it? This was the last thing she needed to do right now. But her instincts practiced of nigh-half a century's time took over before she could help it, like some sort of defense mechanism, conflicting with her desire to speak to Finn; as in, to genuinely, truly speak to him.

Not as Princess Bubblegum, but Bonnibel – a mask that had seen very little use, and even then her performance was amateurish at best.

And because of that, she was suddenly saying, "I'm sorry," and she didn't know why. For that, she lamented once more, "I-I'm sorry, um…"

Bonnie rubbed her hands over one another, over and over and over...

"Um."

Her face burned, and her eyes couldn't help but dart repeatedly to the open balcony, searching and sifting through her brilliant mind for something to say, anything at all, but coming up hopelessly speechless.  _I look like a fool._

This was just like yesterday.

A beat passed. Bonnie started.

 _'_ _This is just like yesterday,'_ the unseen, unknown drive that sent her to the balcony seemed to say. Finn's eyes followed her as she strode toward it, wide and weary all the while; he must be puzzled by her intentions.

"I feel a draft, let me just close this!" she announced. Bonnie opted to ignore how forced it sounded.

Shadows engulfed the room, dimming it in cool darkness and preventing anybody from making any impromptu escapes.

The development failed to slow the steady, aching beat within her breast.  _Glob what is wrong with me…_

Bonnibel ignored it, twiddled her fingers like Finn, and subtly licked her lips before speaking, all while having little notion of how to begin, and blurted out with a sudden and loud, " _Finn I'm_ …" she noticed him stiffen from her peripherals, "…hoping, that… things are going well in the kingdom."

Bonnie cringed behind the pleasant mask she wore.  _Stupid, stupid, stupid-_

"Um,  _yeah_." Finn replied, his voice faint and far away, "Yeah, been goin' good…"

Relief came naturally, obviously, and joyfully, and Bonnie dove in head-first without a second thought. "Oh, awesome-!"

"I never  _quit_  being a hero."  _Only yours,_ the edge in his voice seemed to imply. "N-No, I've stuck around, I still  _do_ , it's just… the Candy People, you know how they can get. Right?"

"Totally, yes." Bonnie swallowed hard. Suddenly, the floor was incredibly interesting. "You're… a hero." It was a very sturdily constructed wafer mix, after all. "They trust you."

"They have no reason not to," Finn pointed out, and Bonnie wondered if he was aware of just how hard that hit her.

She let her hands busy themselves up her bare thighs, sliding along her smooth, bubblegum skin and focusing on how finely crafted a form she had adopted.

They curved around her hips, almost distracting her had there been a lack of slight perspiration gathering above her brow, beneath her crown.

Why did her mouth feel so dry?

She empathized with Finn, realizing he must be feeling the same, and remembered her little Cola project from earlier.

He would go for something to drink, right?

She could, too.

 _Plus he's always happy to lend a hand with my experiments,_ she argued, to no one in particular.  _I can easily resynthesize the concoction I'd started before Ice King kidnapped me._

"Um, do you want some soda?" she chirped, jutting a thumb behind her, at the door that would lead down to the lab and away from all  _this_. "I've been working on this new formula, it's supposed to be this incredible beverage the ancient Humans drank before they all killed themselves!"

Finn's eyes widened. "U-Uh, cool?"

The sheer gesture got her smiling; an actual, happy smile, oblivious to the sudden heaviness in the room had taken as she dove headfirst into the next distraction.

She slowly maneuvered from the balcony door to her bedroom, pointing to it while telling him, "Park your buns here! I'll run to the lab and grab you a bottle from the—!"

"Bubblegum, what are you  _doing_?"

Finn's sharpness, the hastiness at which he posed the question, as though terrified of something, was lost on Bonnibel.

Just the question itself gave her pause, choking her with whatever words her mile-a-minute brain was prepped to spew forth. Her defenses that so often shielded her from conflict, the walls she never realized being built, even now, came crumbling to the dirt, and Bonnibel realized she was just trying to worm out of confronting her hurting friend, Finn.

 _What AM I doing?_ Bonnie wondered. This was Finn, Glob darn it! Her hero, her close companion; the fate of their friendship was in her hands, and she certainly wasn't acting like it.

 _Curse my eighteen-year-old brain. Be a grownup, PB._ Bonnie devoted all of one second, searching for a response to Finn's question. Her eyes were on him, blank and gaping, but not where she truly looked.

There, inside, she felt them: feelings separate from her decision-making, beneath the hard exterior of her bubblegum shell. Specific, confounding feelings that hurt, as much as they confused, as much as they made her so stupidly happy all at once. To what they were for was a mystery. The why of them even more so. They served no purpose, yet she embraced them regardless because of the selfish fact that they made her feel good.

 _How come people are so complicated?_ Bonnie often wondered. She could erect a kingdom out of sugar, life from nothing but the elements the Humans didn't blow up along with themselves.

But people? People were confusing and overly complicated, and Bonnie convinced herself such clutter was unnecessary for the future of her kingdom. Some good  _that_  sort of thinking got her.

 _My stupid, stupid hubris,_ she cursed internally, and for a moment, Bubblegum wished that she spent a little more time learning to be human.

When Bonnibel spoke to Finn then, just five throat-closing seconds after he posed his question, her voice was clear and gentle as it had ever been, and she knew herself to be genuine, for Bonnie actually had to think before uttering her words.

Her hands clutched overtop her breast upon the first. "Finn," the boy straightened, "…I know, that you must be feeling…" she considered her words, " _upset_ , right now."

She watched his lips part, if only slightly, and his brows furrow, as though trying to decipher her words. After taking a tentative step forward without seeing him shy away, Bonnie took it as a good sign.

"Like, you don't want to  _see me_ , because you feel…  _responsible_ , or  _ashamed_ , even."

It's clear that he did - and his lack of voicing a denial emphasized as such. Bonnie smiled, realizing that despite everything, he must still feel obligated to help her for something he inadvertently caused.

Finn was just good like that.

"But I wanted you to know, that regardless of what happened, or what I said, I'm not…  _angry,_  with you. Not at _all_." A bit of force was applied to her soft, maternal voice. "You know I can  _never_  stay mad at you, Finn. Especially now, when I don't have any reason to!"

"But…" Finn started.

"No-no," Bonnie spoke softly, tiding any future objections while she made slow, steady strides toward him. "It's okay, Finn. Whatever you feel responsible for, know that I'm not mad in the slightest. I'm not, honest!" She beamed.

Finn watched this, locked in place, entranced by her words and steady gaze, it seemed. Quickly he studied her eyes, her face, then the rest of her, lingering downwards for a little longer than the rest before magnetizing to her eyes once more.

"And… And I'm not just talking about yesterday," she admitted, reluctant still for admitting this, "but… all of it, Finn… Finn,  _everything_  that was said between us, and, what  _wasn't_  said… Whatever that precisely may be, I know that you're not to blame for it. Because it isn't your fault! It's…  _mine_. It's mine."

Bonnie was confessing to the floor, but holding anyone's gaze while admitting her faults was hard on the soul.

"Patience st. Pim played us both for fools." She was surprised to hear herself, with how soft and rough her voice sounded. "You don't know any better, and it wasn't fair to mess around with your head like that."

The world was just her and Finn. So lost was she, that Bonnibel missed his foot edging backward the closer she'd become, alongside his meek utterance of, "Wait-"

"But I  _know you_ , Finn…"

They met a foot apart.

"…And  _I_  know, that you know  _me_."

Even after all these years, she still had to look down upon the little guy.

"And I know, that you wouldn't have believed Patience's nonsense had there not been at least a modicum of truth to it."

Finn's hot breath shuddered like a butterfly's wings against her slim, pink throat. Her eyes met his, blue and wet as a crystal clear pond, and the princess knew her words struck true.

"I still don't know what that looks like, exactly, this hypothetical 'truth…'" she glanced aside, only for a second, "but I know now, that everything that's happened between us,  _I'm_  the one who's responsible for it. I shoulder full responsibility for what you've gone through, for… f-for…" Her smile faltered, struggling to maintain, but Bonnie held true long enough to tell him:

"I just…  _don't_ , want you… feeling like you're to blame for my failings, Finn."

"Princess," he murmured, shakily. Maintaining eye contact, his head steadily shook side to side.

Bonnie plunged herself into Finn's gaze, past its moistened shell, and into the pain stewing deep within, in its home right beside his Hero Heart, which burned as fiercely as the day she met him, six years ago. If eyes were windows to the soul, his must be…

She couldn't finish; Bonnie's eyes wet with sympathy, aware of the pain he endured because of her, but she smiled despite herself.

Her voice was soft but loud against the silence that enclosed them, deep, and motherly.

"Whatever it is you think I've done, I will explain myself to the best of my ability."

Amidst her pleading, Bonnie missed her hero's eyes enlarge with anger.

"But I can't  _do that_  unless you  _tell me_  what she told you."

She just rose her arms, "I'm sorry..." approached Finn, closing around him, "Whatever it is that I did, Finn, I'm so, so s—"

 _"_ _DON'T YOU FREAKIN'—!"_ She was pushed away in a flurry of limbs. _"_ Don't you  _DARE_   _touch me_!"

A jolt of electricity surged through her chest as Bonnie lashed out a choked, "Finn!?" while staggering back a step. Though it was a weak little assault, for even now, Finn wouldn't ever hurt the princess, she still had to process the completely unexpected.

 _But he pushed me away, h-he… Finn, he didn't_ want _me to hug him and this was supposed to be an easy apology I had to apologize and he would forgive me and, and-_

Bonnie couldn't finish, she had to make amends. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I just, I didn't  _know_  that—I mean I'm  _sorry_ , when really—" she spoke a mile a minute, didn't even know what she was apologizing for, or why it felt like Finn slapped her with his robotic hand—it surely would have hurt far less than how awful she felt right there, "—there was no need to get so close. I, I  _thought_  that, or rather, I  _wasn't_  thinking-"

"Just what do you think you're  _doing_?" Finn barked. Panting softly, he eyed Bonnie from head to toe, as if trying to see more beyond the trembling mass of gangly, bubblegum limbs before him.

The princess held her hands close to her chest - in all their years together, she had never been scrutinized like this before _, by him,_  no less. "Finn," she fought and succeeded in maintaining a leveled tone, "is there something wrong? Was, Was it something that I'd  _said_?"

"Yeah! You, just so  _happen_  to come in here when I am. As if it was just a  _happy little coe-in-ci-dahnce!"_ he mocked in a sardonically cheerful tone. "I mean, who do you think you're fooling? Talking like that, trying to, to  _touch_  me, to come up to me— _the usual tricks_ , tha-that you always used on  _me_ , to, to, to-"

Bonnie tried to follow, but the urgency of his animations overwhelmed her and she could only, as usual, retain the fact of the matter—Finn was upset, and he needed to relax.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," she echoed quickly, just as whisper quiet. "I'm sorry, Finn. I'm sorry."

His head pulled back, eyes narrowed, searching. "You're…"

Bonnie could only hold her breath.

"… _sorry_."

"If I said and-slash-or did something that upset you," she clarified, low and slow, "then I apologize for it, yes. There's  _no need_  to get defensive here, alright? It's just you and me, talking like grownups. So let's just take a chill pill, yeah?" She offered a smile to the boy, but it was as strong as she felt, and neither could endure his scrutiny for long.

"Please, Finn, I  _don't_  want this to end like it did yesterday."

Finn offered her a single, seconds-long look before gazing off into the darkened ceiling…  _snickering_ —a faint, snorting sound that lasted a full second.

Bonnie pulled back, still unsure of what she'd said wrong, and now was prepared to collect herself for another chance at speaking, until Finn mumbled something she could not hear.

Her eyes flitted left, right, "Err," she leaned in slightly, "what?"

"I said, 'Of course you  _don't_ ,'" Finn snapped, annoyed. She was just about to question his tone, frowning at it, before he continued. "Of course you wouldn't want  _that_! Yesterday couldn't have gone  _better_  for you,  _couldn't it_? Because  _you_  got me to  _stay_."

"Um… yes? I suppose I did," the princess nodded, simultaneously aware that stoking the flames may lead her to being burned, but could not help herself either—what was so bad about an unintended success?

Finn just shook his head, smiling, with something foreign twinkling in his eye and his hands clapping together. "Mhm, yeah, you know  _exactly_  what you did. Coming in here, knowing  _exactly_ how you made me feel? You're so  _smart_ , Peebles." He shook his head. "But no,  _no_ … No, I'm not believing a  _word_  of, of  _any_  o' that driz. I'm not twel- _ah_ , an idiot! Anymore _-_ no more. But, good try though!  _Almost_  thought you were being sincere, you know?" of which he demonstrated with two pale fingers and a microscopic amount of space between them.

Bonnie's gaping stare danced between that and the hard look in his eye. "Finn, what are you talking about?" She couldn't help but feel more confused than irritated - although she'd felt both all the same. "You sound like a total crazy person - what  _reason_  do you have to believe that I'm  _lying_? About  _any_  of this? A-And you just admitted that I was correct! That you do feel guilty for what'd happened! So where are these hostilities  _coming from_ , dang it!?"

"As if you don't know!" He sputtered into harshly sarcastic laughter. "That's rich, Prubs! You think I don't know how full of it you are? As if you don't know exactly what to say to me after all that? Nah, I know your game now.  _Instead_ , howsabout we talk about what  _you_ were… talking, about…" Finn's nose scrunched up at his phrasing, but he shook it off. "Like, that you're  _sorry_? About what  _Patience_  told me? Do you even  _know_  what you're actually 'apologizing' for here?" Finn snorted. "What am I saying? Of course you do -  _you're PB._ "

His tone, the accusations, it was too much upon Bonnie, so much she felt herself sinking into the Earth, up to her waist, her armpits. It's become so hard to breath with her breast thrum-thrumming away; to think about something more than the words he threw at her like they were swords poised to strike.

Her face was blank for half a heartbeat before Bonnie erupted forth. "No, I don't!" she hollered, in-part disbelief, primarily frustrated. "I've no idea what you're talking about, at all! Oh,  _Finn_ ," she choked, thinking and speaking all at once; "where, w-what,  _why_? Where is alll this  _coming_  from?" Her hands shot up in front of her, gesturing: "Why this behavior, t-this twisted logic? It-It's totally illogical!  _Just what the heck did Patience tell you about me_?"

Finn's behavior was completely baseless, and not at all what was expected. And Bubblegum was never wrong, so that must mean something was amiss, something more that she couldn't see influencing Finn's behavior, spurring this reaction toward her. Even now, when she just opened up to him—the most she'd ever had to one person— essentially begging Finn to explain her own confusion to her in an ironic twist of fate… And he still regarded her with protected suspicion.

"That's why I'm apologizing about whatever she said," Bonnie continued, while he did not, "so that I could try fixing it,  _and_   _so we could fix this!"_ she pointed to the floor, frantic and angry, with both fingers.

"I'm sorry, but, ' _this_?'" Finn smiled sardonically. "'This.' You're so worried about salvaging 'this,' I mean, do  _you_  even know what you're talking about? How you sound?" His face morphed into a scowl, though Bonnie couldn't decipher why before he snapped, "Just what  _the heck_  is 'this' to you anyway?"

" _You know what this is,_ darn you! Don't be dense!" she reacted.

Both exchanged glances – Finn's slight in surprise, Bonnie's weary and suddenly, inexplicably tired: the three weeks she'd spent ignoring "this" barreled forth, caught up, and then stampeded past.

"So you're expecting me to buy that heaping mound of  _stuff_ ," he proceeded, "and then, before I get a chance to even consider it, you try coming in for a  _hug_? Please, I  _know_  you, Princess. I see what you were doing, but…  _you_  don't know  _me,_ and… and was that  _really_  your whole plan?" Such a thing seemed genuinely confusing to Finn. "Did you trick Marceline too with-"

Recognition flashed across his eyes.

"Marcy…" he breathed, quiet as a breeze.

Though a little hurt he would think so negatively of her, despite not understanding why, Bonnie found herself concerned still when her friend suddenly became so quiet. "Finn?" she softly approached.

"Marceline!  _You_ …" His eyes shot up toward the ceiling, to the wall behind him, Bonnie herself, and then the closed balcony, where a sliver of light passed between the doors. "I know you're in here!" he called out. Finn's voice rang in the emptiness of her bedroom.

 _Marceline, just what the heck did you do?!_  Bubblegum took a single step back and stood shock-still, hands out at her sides. "Finn…  _what_ , is the matter with you-?"

 _"_ _MARCELINE YOU_ _ **LIAR**_ _!"_ Finn erupted, causing Bonnie to wince. His eyes danced about the room, "Come out, Marceline! I know you're in here!" searching.

"I told you not to tell her  _ANY_  of that, and you went and did it anyway, you scroob!" A brief spell of silence filled with quiet panting. "… _MARCELINE!_ " he cried out, as if his best friend betrayed him.

Bonnie watched, petrified, unsure of how to proceed or what was even happening for that matter. She didn't know what to think - just that Finn was angry, and at Marceline, for some reason.

She needed him quiet.

"Finn, stop it!"

His eyes snapped to hers, hurt and guarded.

The two stared into one another, searching, abiding by the tune of Finn's slow, labored breathing. The silence urged Bonnie to quell her hero's anger. It's clear that, for whatever reason, Marceline didn't tell Finn what would be happening in this room.

 _Oh, of course! Anybody in his predicament would be shocked to see the subject of his turmoil just pop in out of nowhere. Startled, even. Considering his earlier comments, then, of course,_ that _explains it!_

Bubblegum resisted letting her satisfaction fester. "Finn, I don't know what Marceline said, but she must not have informed you of what was happening." Sympathy seeped into Bonnie's tone. "Am I correct?"

Finn replied surprisingly calm, although he sounded as if he were talking to himself, even looking in a different direction from her. "She… asked me to find something here, I…" red seeped into the boy's cheeks, "I don't actually know what." Finn drilled his fingers into his forehead, muttering curses in between breaths.

 _Dang it, Marceline._ Even if the vampire wasn't still present, garnering some sick satisfaction watching her friends tear each other apart (the uncertainty of this likelihood worrying in of itself), Bonnibel was definitely going to have a few choice words with her later.

 _Stay cool. Baby steps, Bonnie,_ she recited, more for her sake than for Finn's.  _Patience's influence isn't going to break with just a single, brief exchange._

Calm and collected like a princess should, Bubblegum informed him, "I've asked Marceline to bring you here, so that we can talk." She made an easing gesture with her hands. "That's all, m'kay Finn? No one's planning anything here… no one is an enemy-"

Bonnie choked suddenly when Finn's lips had moved, and she heard the word "already" under his breath.

"What was that?"

"I said  _'stop!_ '" Finn whipped his bewildered gaze to a flinching Bonnibel. "Just stop already, okay!? Stop saying stuff, stop…  _talking_! Just… just  _don't_ , okay?  _Stop_. You, You're just trying to get me to come back, you freaking liar! You probably-!" His eyes flared, and Finn rammed a synthetic finger in her direction, "You  _did_  use her, didn't you? You had to – Marceline wouldn't lie to me unless she was promised something she wanted! Probably something stupid and easy, I bet."

Bonnie hands rose, as if trying to balance herself over the pit of verbal lava she was in the middle of tight-roping. "Finn, that  _isn't true_. I would  _never_  lie to Marcy, and I wouldn't lie to you! You know how she can be, she probably just thought to play some mean prank-"

"Oh,  _bullgunk, Princess!"_

"Finn!" she moaned in desperation.

"Come on, Bubblegum! I  _know_  that's your M.O! Besides, I'm not falling for your junk anymore, so you can just  _forget_  it." There was confidence and conviction, clear as a cloudless sky, evident in his tone.

But Finn didn't even smirk.

She'd heard it, seen this, coming from a Vampire Queen before, far too often in the past, to mistake it for anything other than a pain-concealing front.

_Finn is convinced that everything I say and do is a lie._

How Patience got Finn—loyal, caring, silly but sweet  _Finn_ —to turn against her, and stand firm with such resolve, was the true problem at heart.

What did Patience reveal about her that she implied that she didn't care? Bonnibel had no reason to think she gave Finn this impression herself, so she must have she tricked him.

"Finn, what on  _earth_  is upsetting you about me?" she asked, a hand to her heart. "Did, Did Patience tell you some horrible  _secret_  about me? Something even  _you_  don't wanna admit, because of a fear that I might lie my way out of it?"

It was truly a conundrum if that were the case - but Bonnie just had to know. Though, she never realized, after today, just how accurate she was.

She should have realized from the way Finn exploded, but her mind was in too much chaos to notice in the moment: "Would you just stop that already!?" he cried.

"What!?" Bonnie shot back, angry. "Stop what!? I don't understand!"

" _This!_ This whole, 'Oh, tell me what happened, Finny, I totes care!' shtick. It's nothing but an old  _joke_  at this point!" They locked eyes for a second longer before he broke away, shaking his head. "Glob, you even  _sound_  insincere."

"And when have I  _ever_ given you the impression that I was  _lying_  to you!?" Bubblegum snapped. "I've  _never_  lied to you!"

Never had she felt so helpless: armed with only these vague, pathetic pleas, hoping her companion would look past his bias and sense her sincerity.

The silence somehow thumped in her ears, hard, like it itself were a living being. The mechanical hum of Finn's robotic fingers curling into a fist felt awkwardly loud. What was he thinking?

"I don't have to explain myself to you," Finn replied. "You'll just lie about it anyway..."

And Bubblegum heard a thunderous crack - like a glacier breaking apart neath its own, tremendous weight.

"Yes you do!" she cried. "You  _have_  to tell me, Finn! You hear me?! You, You  _have_  to tell me!  _I_ _t's your job!_  You're  _obligated_  to, remember!?" Bonnie didn't even know what she was saying.

And Finn whirled on her at incredible speeds before she could decipher it all. "Yeah!? And why should's that,  _Princess_!?" he snarled, throwing her title back in her face.

Bonnie didn't even consider what she'd said before saying it: "Because!"

"Because what!?"

" _Because you're my friend, Glob dang it!_ " Only amidst the echo in her bedroom, did Bonnie hear how terribly her words trembled. She sniffled thickly, struggling not to be hurt by Finn's critical eye, if only because the boy never looked at her in such a way before – looked at her with such blatant hostility - and knew at heart this was all a big misunderstanding.

It just had to be.

"I am," he uttered, casually.

She cocked her head, blank in expression. "Hm?" It was hard to tell if Finn was asking for confirmation, or affirming it aloud - that is what she hoped for, at least.

When Finn clarified, "I am your friend," Bonnie still could not tell.

Even so, her heart rose inch by inch, realizing an opportunity to recover. "Finn, of course we're friends.  _Wha-hat_ would  _ever_  make you think that you weren't?" She resisted the temptation of mentioning Patience St. Pim, wishing not to agitate Finn once more.

 _Baby steps, Bonnie,_ she thought to herself.  _Baby ste-_

Finn's grumblings caught her ear.

"What? I didn't catch that."

" _No_ , you didn't. So I'll tell you one more time:" Bonnie felt something heavy drop into her gut at Finn's unexpectedly snarky reply – he jabbed a robotic digit in her direction, jutting upon every pause, "Of course you finally say it! After all this time and dancing around, you just finally admit it! You answered my  _burning question_ , Bonnie; and it only took forever and a half! Awesome, cool, I'm _so relieved_  that we're friends now!"

"Now!?" Bonnie echoed, shocked and hurt. "When  _weren't_  we!?"

"It doesn't matter anymore, Princess! I  _meant it_  when I'd said that I'm done with you! I'm done with  _you_ , the  _games_ , how you treat me,  _your mind-twisty biz,_  all of it! I know how you work now, I  _know_  that  _you_ know me, and how  _I_  work, and… and I'm not an  _idiot_ , so there's no way I'll believe you anyway!"

Bonnie willfully forgot all else she heard upon catching the phrase,  _'Idiot?' Does he feel lesser than me? Like, insecure?_ "Finn, in all the years I've known you, I have  _never_  thought of you as an idiot."

"Oh puh-lease! You honestly expect me to swallow that boom-boom mountain?"

Bonnie felt herself starting to break through to Finn, or that's what she told herself, so she pressed on. "Finn, everything I said back there, that was all true! There were never any games, I wasn't twisting your mind, never!  _I meant it,_  I wanna help you with whatever Patience made you believe! But you have to  _trust_  that what I say is the truth!"

"I'm sorry, but, trust you!?" Those very words made him enraged. "How can you even say that with a straight face? When you take, like, a  _minute_  to think of that crud-cano instead of answering my question yesterday? And now I'm  _stuck,_ just like you wanted!"

" _Are you kidding me?_ " Bubblegum hissed, glaring, hollering, "Are you KIDDING ME!?  _Excusay-mwah_ , not everyone has time to process the most out-of-the-blue, nonsense question in all of creation!"

If she weren't so blind with anger, Bonnie would have recoiled in surprise seeing the boy's face turn so cherry-pie-red. He shot back, "It's a stupid yes-or-no answer! Don't get mad that I didn't fall for your tricks!"

 _"_ I was being honest!" she cried in defense. _Unless, he is referring to something else? Un-Unless, Patience, or-or something, the Lich maybe?!_ Someone _is still messing with him, lying to him!_ "Come on, Finn, don't be  _dense_."

She winced as soon as those words tumbled from her thoughts.

Finn's eyes went alight. "Aha! See!? And you say you never thought I was an idiot, you big liar!"

"I never  _said_  you were an idiot," Bonnie aggressively replied, gesturing in tandem, "I only  _said_ , that you should know me  _better_ , than to trust in the  _words_ , of some clear  _madwoman_."

A roll of the eyes that just screamed, 'Oh,  _here_  we go again.'

"As if you even know. The proof's in the pudding, Princess. She didn't  _need me_  to trust her."

"WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT!?" Bonnie exploded. "Finn, please, just  _tell me_  already-!"

"Tell you  _what_?!" he erupted, although not a shred of anger was to be found in his voice. He stabbed a synthetic thumb into his sternum. "I'm the one with all the questions here, I'm the one who's now stuck, I'm the-!"

Bonnie stamped forth, seething, " _You're_  the one with questions!? Are you freakin'  _kidding me_ , Finn!? You show up, just out of the blue, on one of the worst days of my life no less, and leave my service without giving me a chance to know why!"

Finn took a lunging step forward, boasting, "You bet your butt that I did! And it was one of the coolest things I'd ever done, too!"

"No it wasn't! It was sudden and stupid and illogical and, and it  _hurt me_ , Finn!" Bonnie clutched her stomach, still feeling it. Even now, it hurt so fiercely that she gasped. "It hurt so much I couldn't even function! I fell behind in my duties to the kingdom! Don't you get it!? You doing that  _hurt me,_  Finn! And it sucked!"

So lost in herself was she, wiping her eyes, that Bonnie missed the somewhat stunned look dawning upon Finn's face.

"I've  _groveled_  at you Finn, I  _begged_  you to stay, I, I," Bonnie gestured wildly, making a fist-in-palm for some indiscernible reason, " _threw myself_ , into a flippin'  _coma_! And now I deserve to know, just,  _why_  –  _why_ , the flip and  _flap_ , was I put through all that in the  _first place_?!"

Bonnibel took a deep, lung-filling breath… before exhaling it all into a sob-hitched sigh.

"What did Patience do to you, Finn?" she murmured. " _Brain-wash_  you?"

"She didn't  _do_  nothin'!" he snapped. "And if you think she did you're either a liar, or you're not as smart as you think you are! And I  _know_  which one of those is more true."

For a moment, for one, solitary second, Bonnibel looked to Finn, and he to her. She was unsure of what he saw, but it was enough to give him pause, soaking in Bonnie's bewildered, helpless face for a moment before gazing off, shaking his head.

"But you're at least more convincing now, I'll give you that."

Bonnie could, if given time, construct a bulleted, detailed and convincing argument as to why he should believe her.

But she faced two problems: she had no time, and she was Princess Bubblegum - and Princess Bubblegum was a 'feel first, think later' type of person in times like these.

Bonnie had never looked down on Finn for his comparative lack of intelligence, but the enormity of his ignorance right then made her gasp.

"A-Are, Are you…  _stupid_!?" she choked. "How  _could you_ , Finn? How could you just  _believe_  in Patience's absolute  _nonsense_?" Her volume jumped a notch or two: "After everything you and I'd gone through, how could you  _think_  that I've ever lied?!  _About ANY of it!?_ "

Bonnie wasn't speaking from a planned mental list anymore – her thoughts came straight from the soul, unedited and unrelenting.

And she hated it.

"Why, Finn!? I thought you were better than that! I…"

 _I thought we were more than that,_ but she did not say.

She inhaled hard.

" _Lying_ , about  _this_? How could you  _think_   _that_  about me? All the years we've known each other, do they suddenly just mean  _nothing_  to you?!" she asked, hurt and angry all at once.

Tears beaded the corner of his eyes as he took a lunging step forth. "Those meant  _so much_  to me, Bubblegum!" His voice broke. "Those meant more than you'll  _EVER UNDERSTAND_!"

Bonnibel ignored the lance going through her heart, if only because it would distract her from the real issue at heart:

"Then WHY are you SO INSISTENT on not believing me as if they DON'T!?" she screamed, her distraught drowning her hysteria. "If Patience didn't tell you anything, then why would you WILLFULLY believe them to be some big LIE?!"

"Because that's all you DO, of course!"


	8. Everything (Pt 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonnie refuses to accept what Finn is telling her - without ever realizing it.

_He's insane._

Her face twisted with repulsion.  _My hero's talking crazy and it's all Patience's fault._ Anyone on the outside, like Finn, would take it at literal-face value. Inside, Bonnie was still reeling from what she'd just heard. It was as if Finn slapped her, but worse.

All while he raved on, gesturing and spitting like a madman.

"That's who you are, Bubblegum! Always, from the day we met! Everything we've done, it was all just so you could keep me on your good side! And worst of all, it  _worked_. For six years it freaking  _worked_ …"

"And now I'm stuck with all this baggage that you're not letting me toss, and it  _sucks_! It sucks, Princess! And you just went and  _messed_  with my head again, because you just couldn't let me  _get away_  from you, could ya?"

"Finn…" Bonnie put a hand to her aching heart, her face a disgusting, un-pretty display of anguish.

_Does… Does Finn genuinely believe Patience St. Pim? Does he truly believe her over me? That… That I've been using him like some toy? A tool?_

The realization hurt, the implications this lent to Finn's perspective even more so. Anger roiled in her gut, for what Patience had wrought upon her, before transmuting into grief. It crept into her heart, corroding her candy flesh.

And to that, Bonnibel reacted the only way she knew how.

"That's… it?"

She narrowed in on the source of that ache, and blamed it.

"That's it?  _That's it?_   _That's freakin' IT!?_ You think, you-you, you  _think_  that, that everything,  _you and I,_  that we've  _ever_  done, was all some little  _game_? Like a big  _act_!?"

"You sure as shoot treated it like one!" The raw emotion lingering in his face conflicted with his tone when confirming her fears in a snarky, "So yeah, no flippin'  _duh_ , Princess!"

For a brief moment, feeling fled completely from Bonnie's face.

Then her hands curled in front of her. "You really believe," she asked, "truly, that I've been  _tricking_  you!? Oh,  _you_! Are  _just_ … a huge,  _huge_ …  _DILLWEED_ , Finn!" She slammed both fists down, emphasizing the best insult she could come up with.

"No, you're, you're MORE than a dillweed!  _You are_ , an  _insufferable_  little  _mutant_! If you're  _so_  stupid, that you believe some primordial  _hag_  over  _me_ ,  _YOUR FRIEND AND PRINCESS OF SIX YEARS,_ then I  _guess_  I was  _wrong_  about you this whole time!"

"Oh yeah!? And what's that?!"

" _That you-!" are my hero…_

Bubblegum was surprised with herself, able to stop before uttering something she'd really regret. And yet she winced anyway, realizing her lack of self-control.

Bonnie put a palm to her aching forehead. "I-I'm sorry," she sputtered. "I didn't mean any of that.  _Glob it_ , you know how I can get, okay? Jeez, I…"

 _I can't control myself sometimes,_ turned into,  _I should know—_ be _—better,_ but none of it was spoken.

Instead, Bonnie palmed her forehead even harder, grimacing. "Glob, Finn, I'm… I'm a hot mess, okay? It's not an easy thing for PB to admit, but there it is. I'm a mess, but I've done everything I feasibly  _can_ at this point; I've  _apologized_ , I'm willing to  _listen_. What more could you  _possibly_  want from me? 'Cause I don't know what you'd like me to say any-!"

Finn threw up his hands. "I just want the truth, Bubblegum!" he cried in disbelief, as if she were missing something obvious.

"Finn!? I…" Her posture jolted into stillness,  _Of course I am,_ hands open in front of her,  _I'm_ always _missing something so obvious,_ before everything started pouring out at once.

"I-I… I'm sorry, okay?!  _I'm sorry_."

Both she and Finn flinched, hearing those words. Bonnie glanced down upon her hands for half a heartbeat before curling them into fists.

_No more running._

"I'm sorry about everything I've ever done that could have hurt you, okay!? Is that what you wanna hear!?"

"Prin-"

" _I'm sorry_ , about-about,  _spying_  on you; I should have  _never_  intruded on your privacy, no matter what my intentions were! But hey, I'm an emotional trainwreck that never ever thinks before she speaks, yeah? So I also apologize for those horrible, embarrassing,  _stupid_  messages, shouldn't have said  _any_  of those! And I…" She went stiff as a thought struck her.

"Princess I don't ca-"

"That's it, isn't it?" She spoke like a mad conspirator. Yet even Starchy never sounded so desperate.

"All those phone calls? Finn, I  _meant it_  in the last one, I was only angry when I sent those! Just, Just like I was, just right now! Oh, I  _know_  that's no excuse - I shouldn't have said those terrible things to you, ever! No wonder you think I'm lying! But, hey! What's done is done, and we can only move forward, right?" Her gummy hair flounced about as she moved this way and that.

She scrambled for more to say. "And, And, I'm uh,  _I'm sorry_ , about, about, what I did to the Fire Kingdom, and Phoebe,  _Phoebe_! Oh, I  _know_  I should have treated her better! And if I—I MEAN  _FOR_ —for, anything, that I did to hurt you, and Jake, and I'm also sorry, about messing up that one time with the Door Lord, and I, I…"

Only then did she pause to catch her breath: slow, soft, panting. From the stunned expression of her audience, Bubblegum knew she just embarrassed herself beyond repair.

But she didn't care.

"Finn, please, you're  _so important_  to me, don't…"

Everything inside of her fizzled into a pathetic wisp of smoke, leaving her to meekly finish, "Just don't do this to me, Finn.  _Please_."

 _Don't leave me with one less friend and a mountain of regrets._ She remembered Shoko falling into a glowing green pool, and Marceline tearing into the sky as an enormous bat.  _Not again. Please, I can't bear that a third time…_

Finn just stared at her, eyes bafflingly wide, before erupting into frustration. "Bubblegum, I don't-" he whipped his hands out in front of him, "flippin'  _care_ , about  _any_  of that! You know darn well what I want, Glob it!"

Bonnibel froze, choked, and for half a heartbeat was left with a twitching half-grimace. Only in her trance-like state, did Bonnie realize that she just admitted to every one of her wrongs.

"But, But I…  _apologized_."

And in the form of an apology she still didn't know the reason for.

"Don't you realize what all this  _means_  to me?" she asked, both Finn, and herself. "Didn't you hear how much I  _apologized_? For reasons I  _still_  don't understand? That's, how  _badly_  I want..."

Her throat closed on itself, preventing her from finishing.

"Finn, I… I've just poured  _everything_  out to you... There's, t-there just isn't…  _anything_  left. What else do you want me to say?"

"Why don't you  _stop_  dancing around the problem and just  _say it_!?" She recoiled from the sudden harshness thrown at her, his voice whip-like against the emptiness of her vast quarters. "All this nonsense, about responsibility and apologizing, it's just a bunch of hoopty-doo!  _I j'hust,_ wanted to know if we were ever  _friends_ , that's it!" Bonnie winced when his voice had cracked, and his expression resembled the remnants of a shattered vase.

"That's  _all_  I  _ever_  cared about, Princess! There's no reason why that should've been so  _difficult_  to answer, not unless you're just full of it!" Bonnie's eyes lingered on the tears beading the corners of his as he bellowed forth,  _"So why don't you just say it already!?"_

"Finn…" she moaned, clutching at her heart. "How… How could you be  _asking_  such a thing, after what I'd said to you before? After  _pouring_  myself out like that—"

 _"_ _Please,_ Princess _."_

Whatever rise Bonnie felt in her bosom was whisked away hearing his defeated dismissive.

She found his eyes tethered to the floor, unable to meet her own.

"Don't start again. Please, just…" he whimpered, no longer akin to a wounded animal lashing out, disguised as a command. "I can't _… don't,_ I  _don't_  wanna hear it. I know how you  _really_  feel... If you'd just answered my question before, then I wouldn't even…"

He shook his head, gazing to the ceiling with a sad sort of smile.

Breathily, Finn admitted aloud, "I feel like I'm going to do something crazy-stupid any minute now. Honestly, I really do. Do you even know how much I want to believe you? Do… Do you even  _care_?"

Although logically she knew it would be a wasted effort, Bonnie's psychosis rendered her feeling sympathetic. "Oh Finn,  _of course_  I—"

"Listen to me,  _please_ : just  _stop_ , already!"

It was not the command that held her tongue, but the prompt, shaky way in which it was conveyed.

Finn gazed to her with the eyes of a beaten animal. His voice rose suddenly, "I just, I-I don't understand  _why, why_ was this such a hard question to answer if you're always being  _so_  honest? I mean,  _you're_  smart - you know everything!" Tears that had sat in his eyes for so long finally welled over, trickling down. "If we were ever really friends, then this should've been an easy thing to answer! Like, what do you want for breakfast?" They slickened his ruddy cheeks.

Every word was like a hammer to the heart - Bonnibel truly could not believe this was what's been running through his mind, this entire time.

 _This has to stop._ "Finn-"

"And you're  _still_  avoiding the question – like, you'd rather  _coma yourself_  instead of answering me! I mean, what they hay!? Why all the cover-ups and the excuses and the  _tricks_  if this, if this wasn't some stupid  _kid's game_  to y-!?"

 _"_ _Finn, listen to me! OF COURSE we're friends!"_  Cutting over his ranting like a blade through air, her tone and volume conveyed how obvious this should be.

But that, once again, was irrelevant to the heart of the issue: "Why would we  _not_  be?!"

Finn's head shook in denial, as though he could tell, even as she said it, that it felt so…  _incomplete_.

"Because," he began, looking as dejected as he sounded when he said, "you're just a liar, Princess. And it's way too late for that, now."

_I…_

Bonnie pulled her head back, eyes wide.

"What?"

_…_ _I answered his question…_

She wanted to scream.

"WHAT!?"

_…_ _and he accused me of lying akin to one commenting on the weather._

She wanted to rip her hair out.

_"_ _WHAT!?"_

She grabbed Finn by the collar and shook him, enunciating every word and syllable while yelling, " _Then why would you bother asking me if you aren't going to believe me? WHY THE FRICK WOULD YOU AGREE TO COME HERE AND TALK WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO A WORD I AM TELLING YOU?!_ "

"Because, Marceline  _tricked me_  into coming here!  _And I said don't touch me!_ " This time he did push her, hard enough to send her staggering a few steps, but neither of them even noticed, holding one another's gazes, as if breaking away would cause the end of the universe.

Bonnibel panted, glaring.  _Screw it,_  her brain was telling her,  _just let him have it._

" _Finn_!" Her voice rang. "Just what the heck did I do to make you  _hate me_  all of a sudden?!" her voice broke, only a little, saying this - but Bonnie couldn't help it when she felt that in herself.

Finn muttered, "I-" just as she was gearing up for more - why did any of this happen at all, why won't he believe her, and why wasn't this just some horrible dream?

It certainly seemed that way, for with tears in his eyes and a quiver in his tone that would move the Lich itself to tears, Finn uttered sadly, "I never  _hated_  you…"

Bonnibel could only watch, expelling a trembling sigh – despite everything, it felt as though an immense weight was suddenly lifted from her shoulders.

But that lasted all of two seconds, realizing what he meant only confounding her even further.

"Then why, Finn?" she asked in the most sincere, heartfelt tone she ever mustered, without having to think about it. "Why can't we just talk about whatever's going through your head? Don't we owe it to our friendship to at least  _try_?"

In the sliver of light shining in through the balcony threshold, she noticed Finn's eyes glinting like two pools of water. Only then, did she noticed they had a shine to them that had never gone away since her arrival.

And for the first time today, Bonnie knew firsthand just how uncomfortable that was.

"I want to," he murmured, and the princess felt her heart already begin its descent, before Finn swept a fleshy forearm across his eyes.

"But I  _can't_ , Princess. I can't bring myself to believe you. Because even with just the  _slightest_  chance that I'm right, it…  _it_ … it  _scares me_ , PB. It scares the pants offa me, just how much I want to believe you." He looked down at his own two hands. "It's like I have some kind of weird  _hostage syndrome_."

 _"_ _Fi-hinn!"_  she pathetically cried, but she still didn't  _care_. She didn't care how she looked at this point because Finn knew her, because he knew she wasn't anything like a real princess, because he was one of the only friends she'd ever had and she  _wasn't going to lose him._

"Just stop doing this to yourself, please! I can tell you're conflicted - this line of thinking, it's doing nothing but hurting you, and it's hurting me to see you like this!"

"You know nothing about me!" he snapped. "Stop pretending like you  _actually care_  – you know I'd be perfectly fine if you just answered the question when I asked it!"

"You don't understand, Finn! What you asked me, it's  _so much more_  complicated than you know!"

Finn shook his head, clearly not understanding. "Well then you took too long, dang it! Now, I don't know  _what_  to believe, because I  _know_  how smart you are, and I  _know_  how you  _work_! You could have some answer planned now, one that you  _know_  will convince me you're telling the truth, and then everything will just go  _back to normal_  for you! Just  _peaches and cream_ , right?!"

"THEN WHAT, FINN!?" Bonnibel exploded, the boy wincing as she shakily inquired, "What can I say to make you  _believe_  me?!"

 _"NOTHING!"_  he yelled back. "Nothing you  _ever_  say will convince me!  _EVER!_  DON'T YOU GET IT!?"

For half a heartbeat, Finn took in the face of a princess whose soul was pounded into dust. He looked away. If he was trying to hide a reaction, Bonnie had trouble seeing beyond the hard look in his eyes, or the tears in her own.

He still didn't meet her gaze while demanding, "So why don't you just tell me already, and then we can  _both_  move on with our lives. Right now, right this instant, so that I know you're being honest: tell me we what I've really been to you this whole time."

Bonnibel wasn't sure what did it – the very real prospect that Finn wanted nothing more to do with her. Bonnie couldn't even begin to decipher amidst the tearing feeling inside – she only saw Finn, only heard his words, and, when she spoke, could only speak his pain.

Bonnie snapped forth.  _"Ex-CUSE ME?"_  she screamed, inches away from one another. "After everything I've said and done, you still have the nerve to call me a  _liar_!? What the heck's wrong with you!?

"Oh, just stop, Princess! Stop playing dumb and just TELL ME ALREADY!  _What. Am. I?!_  Tell me, Bonnie – tell me just  _what the HECK_  we were supposed to be all this time and I'll never bother you again! After everything I've done for you, you at least owe me this  _one little thing_!"

He grabbed the stunned princess by the front of her shirt, a pleading squeeze into the fabric. "Tell me, Princess! Tell me that I was only ever a tool to you! Tell me that I'm just a stupid kid and nothing more!  _Please, PLEASE just say it to my face already so I'll know for sure!"_

Bonnie's nonexistent heart thrummed away as she grabbed him by the shoulders, squeezing,  _squeezing_  with everything she had because  _dang it he needed to understand how important this was to her_  as she cried out loud,  _"You're my hero, Finn!"_

"Oh, OF  _COURSE_!" he groaned, tearing away. "'My hero'?  _Really_? Anything you could have said, and you just repeat the same doodoo you've drilled into my brain for the last six years?! …'My hero,'" he echoed in disbelief. "And you're still dodging the question!"

The boy flinched when Princess Bubblegum leered over to him, red-faced and screaming with tears in her eyes, "THEN WHAT!? DO YOU WANT!? FROM ME?!"

"I… I DON'T  _KNOW_!" he cried back, equally frustrated. "You don't make any sense, all's you do is  _mess_  with me! You say one thing and mean another, and I can't even keep them all straight! How do you expect me to believe what you just said?"

Bonnie gripped her pounding, pounding head. "What does that even  _mean_? Lies? Say one thing, mean another? Just what the  _jam_  made you think this!? You're not explaining anything to me, Finn! I mean,  _jeez_ , you're worse than Lemongrab - I have no way of understanding you or why you  _think_  this!"

Being compared to Lemongrab cut close, as it would for anybody - Finn's eyes flared. "It means what I've been meaning this whole time, you stupid princess!"

"Then explain it to me, Finn, we're not all as incomparably  _smart_  as you!"

For a fraction of a moment, Bonnie saw the pain, the truth, glinting in his eye before Finn erupted completely. His face so completely red when he was done, that Bonnie wouldn't have been able to decipher if it was embarrassment or exertion.

 _"_ _Tell me how you feel about me!"_ he roared.

 _"_ _What do you think I've been doing this whole time, you little idiot!?"_ she bellowed, matching Finn for volume and pigmentation. " _What do you want me to say, Finn!? That I HATE you?!"_

_"_ _Yes! Yes! A million times, YES!"_

"Well I'm not gonna do that!"

_"_ _Why not!?"_

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, FINN!" Bonnibel panted, accounting for Finn's stunned disposition, as well as her own. Her chest still felt ready to burst, but for once, no surge of pain was felt as if in disagreement. "You're one of my closest friends... I… I care about you  _so, much,_  Finn… Can't," she hesitated, breathing, "Can't you  _see_   _that_?"

Finn looked to her, lips pressed closed. Half a heartbeat later he wrenched away, awash in tears. Bonne would have gasped and approached had he not abruptly whipped his snarling face at her the following instant.

Bonnie recoiled, and not from the suddenness of his motions, but his  _eyes_ … he might as well have been looking at Martin.

"That's it,  _THAT'S IT!"_ he roared. "I am  _OUTTA HERE!_ " Finn was suddenly shoving past Bonnie's stunned form with a muffled sob.

Not sluggishly, but so slow as though she were a cracked porcelain doll, Bonnie's eyes followed, turning around to find him throwing open the door, uncaring that it slammed into the wall and fractured it.

Something speared through Bonnibel's heart, and without a second thought, she ran to Finn, calling out, " _Wait_! Wait Finn,  _please_ -!"

He whirled on her, "No, screw off!" his robotic finger half an inch from spearing her nose. "Yura si-hick, dis- _gusting_  person, if you're willing to  _use that_ ,  _AGAINST MAE!_ " he cried, tears flowing freely.

His words hit like a barrage of gunfire. " _Finn_ -"

"You're freakin' sick!"

 _"_ _JUST LET ME TALK FOR ONE SECOND!"_ Bonnie screamed, tears in her eyes.

Without a moment's thought she threw herself onto Finn the instant his gaze broke away. " _AGH!"_ he cried as Bonnie wrangled him to her torso, yanking his squirming person up off the ground, and into her.

"Let me go!" He flailed. " _Let me the frick GO!_ "

Holy Glob was he strong – Bonnie clamped her hand around her wrist, securing a hold as her foot staggered back. Bonnie failed to reply as her words all came out as grunts borne of her efforts, but evolved into those of pain once he started blindly slamming his feet in her shins, his elbows into her gut, his head into her breasts, weeping, begging, "Let me go!" over and over,  _"Lemme go, lemme go!"_  each gradually more unintelligible than the one before.

Bonnie collapsed on her butt at the same time he submitted, collapsing abruptly into a sob-heaving heap in her arms.

His inhales were shallow, far weaker than Bonnie's - although their tearful, trembling exhales fell into perfect harmony.

Bonnie wasn't sure when, it felt like hours, really, but at some point she heard his exhale sound a lot like,  _"Why can't you just let go already?"_

She was numb to all of her developing bruises until then. "You're not leaving me like this," she told him. When he started hitting her again, albeit weakly, Bonnie reacted on the spot before he could try and escape, twisting and slamming them both into the carpet.

"What're you doing?" Finn cried from underneath her. "Let me go! JAKE! MARCELINE!? HELP ME, SHE'S DOING STUFF!"

"Will you shut up already!?" Bonnibel ignored the ache in her chest, and channeled it into anger that drove her to demand him,  _"Tell me why you feel this way and I'll let you go!"_

"No!" Finn yanked himself away, hard, jerking all around as Bonnie kept a vice grip on her wrist. "You'll just excuse yourself, there's no point!"

Bonnie's eyes squeezed shut. "You don't know that!" She looped the fabric around her fist. Now there was no escaping. "I swear Finn, I'll hear you and I'll be honest and I'll do anything I can to make it up to you but you just have to _give me a chance first!"_

Somehow he managed to roll them both, so she was beneath him, and he laid on top of her. Bonnie kept her fingers hooked into his shirt, feeling herself stabbing and scratching against his torso. She wouldn't let go, she'd rather die than let go, and Finn fought back with similar ferocity.

 _"_ _FINN!"_ Bonnie roared, struggling as the snarling, teeth-gritting boy mashed his head down beside her's – the assault infusing her beautiful bubblegum hair into the carpet. "You're not…" they thrashed, "… _leaving_ …" !" and they hurt each other, "… _LIKE THIS!"_

 _"_ _You can't! Keep me trapped here!"_  Finn attempted to bite her wrist, but she just smacked him in the mouth and wrapped around his narrow chest, and under his armpit, when he scrambled to sit up.

_"_ _Yes I can, I'm your princess!"_

Finn howled like a madman, scrambling to start savagely clawing grooves into the gummy flesh of her forearms—Bonnie screeched, wrenching her eyes shut, forcing herself numb to everything in existence: the burn inside became a dull ache, that of her forearms a faint warmth—Finn quickly ceased his assault as she did so, opting to limply grope at her wrists. Bonnie fought the urge to start screaming and crying well enough, until she realized his previously goal when feeling him grab both her wrists, and start prying them away from him, snarling and spitting and gaining rapid success because he was much stronger than the princess.

Realizing, Bonnie felt something inside snap in two. " _FI-HI-HINN, WHY_?!" she sobbed. "JUST TELL ME ALREADY,  _PUH-LEASE_!" He was almost free until she swung her pink, skinny legs up and around his waist, clinging desperately to him, and rolling to their sides.  _"I don't understand—just what did I DO!? WHY DO YOU_ HATE ME _SO MUCH?!"_

Finn's hands were wild trying to push and pull her away from him. "I don't have to tell you anything!" He sobbed aloud,  _"Just let me go already!"_

Bonnie's throat tried closing on itself.  _"Tell me what I did to you and I will!"_  tore through—it burned after, and left her voice ragged and broken and fluctuating in intensity in time with Finn's desperation-fueled strikes but she  _didn't care because_ —

 _"_ _If this's th' end've our friendship—!"_  Bonnie gasped sharply, fighting for air and unsure why until she felt something tickle her cheeks, and in a rapid stream she spat out, " _If this is the end I wanna know,_ " she breathed in, "where the FRICK I messed up! _Where did I mess up this time!?_  Where I messed up so spectacularly," she gasped, " _SO AWFULLY_ ," and gasped, "that I somehow pushed away the sweetest," and gasped once more, " _most loyal boy I've ever met!_ "

Bonnie was openly sobbing now; normally she would care.

" _Teh-hell me_  Finn!  _Tell me jus'how I wronged you!_ "

He thrashed suddenly, though not even close to breaking free.

"Was it, all the  _spying biz!?_  Or the tracking chip!?  _Do you even know why I had those implanted!?_   _IT WAS TO PROTECT YOU, YOU LITTLE IDIOT!"_

Finn just screamed. He screamed and howled and wailed like he was being  _murdered_ —Bonnie was sure her ears would be bleeding now if capable, but she just grit her teeth and winced and ignored, because it was the best she could do now.

What had she done to reduce him to this? What did Patience know about her, and how did she trick Finn into turning them against each other?

Did she even want to know?

" _Get STUFFED!"_ Finn suddenly cried, throwing himself in a burst of strength, and Bonnie with him. Her knees slammed upon the carpet and dragged so quick and sudden the friction burned, but she didn't feel it as she lashed out and grabbed a bunch of his shirt. Finn almost fell backward, but twisted around and was bent forward, his shirt halfway off his body.

"Not leaving me," she snarled,  _"like THIS!"_

And suddenly the tension snapped, like a taut cable snipped in the middle. The room rattled slightly upon Finn's staggering into a wall, while Bonnie slammed back into the carpet, infused with a wad of bubblegum hair that had stretched out until snapping free amidst their struggle – rendering her previously mid-length hair now a goopy sort-of-bobcut that tapered into a curly tail.

Bonnie failed to notice—everything else just  _hurt_ , and not solely the burning cuts that dotted the length of her arms, or the pulsing pain in her legs.

Bonnie left her eyes shut, relishing in the simplicity of silence before cracking them open to find his shirt bunched up in-hand, and his bear hat, too, draped across a purple-spotted shin. Her eyes traveled up from the floor to the boy that stood several feet away while dragging herself into a kneeling position.

When his form came into focus, Bonnie froze on the spot, her hands still on the carpet, and gasping soundlessly.

Her elbows trembled a little, and not because she couldn't support herself.

Though she felt like she couldn't.

"Finn…" Bonnie breathed, in the most shocked, faintest voice she had ever uttered the word.

It's been a while since she'd last seen his golden hair, full and shimmering and now grown past his shoulder blades. It made the boy seem all the more vulnerable when he hesitantly followed her eyes, and then scrambled to hug his bared torso, trying to conceal as much of it as possible.

"What have you been  _doing_ to yourself?" Her voice quaked, and to her exclamation crimson further colored Finn's ruddy, tear-stricken cheeks.

"Nothing," he promptly, hoarsely, shakily replied. He glowered at the space beside him.

But it was definitely something.


	9. Everything (Pt 4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past isn't as rosy as Bonnie thought.

Bonnibel had played the doctor to Finn among their many years together, disinfecting whatever wounds he'd sustained while enduring the supposedly-dangerous but usually-humorous story of its acquirement. As such, she had seen the boy shirtless plenty over the years, even a few select instances after Doctor Princess came along and she was indisposed. Finn's always been a meaty kind of guy, stocky, as any happy, healthy human boy ought to be.

It shocked her, then, to see his sides somewhat sunken into each other, his stomach curved a little bit inwards – she could even see the very bottom rungs of a ribcage surface. It was almost like he was…  _he_ …

"You're emaciated," Bonnie murmured, though her voice gave up halfway through; her vision became misty, and she couldn't find it in herself to even care about either. She failed to form words beyond the incredibly simplistic as she inquired thickly, "Why do you look like that?"

The boy glared away, his face pursed and stone-like. "This is nothing. I just haven't been eating a lot lately."

For some reason, her heart tried to lunge out of her chest, and Bonnibel asked slightly louder, "Finn, why do you look like that?"

 _"_ _I just told you,"_ Finn choked in a quick, husky voice.

"Finn,  _please!"_ begged the princess. The sharpness of her voice snapped against the room, and startled Finn into looking at her like a deer in the headlights. Did he see her tears? Did he hear the honest desperation in her tone?

 _He's lying to me. Hiding the truth, like I would - he has to be._  "Tell me the truth, Finn! Now!"

A short sob answered, and then a croaked,  _"_ I _did,"_ before Finn's shoulders trembled, worsening with every little breath until his face buried into his hands. Soft weeping echoed within.

Bonnie found it incredibly hard to keep her eyes on the boy; it hurt too much, but she did. She forced herself too—she owed him that much. "Finn, tell me why you're like this already!" Her voice broke a little; Finn was hurt like this, and he was not telling her the truth - that had never happened before, but then again today was full of a scientifically improbable amount of surprises.

"Tell me," she croaked. "Please, tell me what happened to you..."

Even though the phantom slash across her chest flared in protest, even though she already knew the answer, even though every instinct inside of her was just telling her to let go, forget their old friendship, that it's not worth it, that these wounds would heal in time like always would very likely be better off in the long run for both of them, Bonnibel Bubblegum just had to know.

"Finn—"

" _Oh jus' shuddup a'ready!"_ Finn whirled on her with tears flashing in his eyes, concealing himself forgone in favor of curling his hands into fists. "You weren't s'posed to even  _know_! This is  _none o' your_  business, Bubblegum!  _It's NEVER your business! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME_ _ **GO**_ _!?_ "

Bonnie instinctively replied to his hysteria in equal. "Not until you tell me I had nothing to do with this!" she wept, though she'd shed no tears yet.

There was sudden fury in Finn's eyes as he stomped forward. "You really are an idiot if you're asking that!"

The world stopped on its axis - despite her terrible, stomach-churning suspicions were as guaranteed as the sun coming up.

_I… did… this?_

She expected it.

 _I…_ did _this…_

No, she knew it to be true.

_He says that I did this._

But she was not prepared for how brutal the realization would be, for how quick it came - as if an arrow were fired into her chest, and sank just deep enough to prod her heart with every pump, but not enough to be fatal.

 _"_ _Bonnibel,"_ she thought to herself,  _"let him go. It's not worth it. THIS… is not worth it."_

The logical part of her brain had struck yet again, and yet something inside of her rebelled, clung incessantly to this, as if to deem there was something of value worth pursuing amidst all this pain and heartache.

Bonnibel didn't know why – she made it her life to defend against the world outside, where anything could happen and everyone could hurt her family, but was utterly lost when it came to rectifying something she knew so little about.

That is to say, herself.

And so, Bonnie denied the enigma's existence, and whirled herself upon the source of it all, irrationally angry at it for making her feel this way.

"I didn't ask you to starve yourself, Finn!" she hollered.

"Oh!" His meat-hand hastily dried his face; he snuffled thickly. "Oh,  _of course_  you think this is about you. That's just so  _you_ , Princess."

 _"_ _YOU JUST_ TOLD ME _THAT I DID THIS TO YOU!"_ Bonnibel exploded – her voice was shrieking, and Finn winced as tears flew from her eyes, they'd burst so suddenly.  _"I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO HURT YOURSELF, FINN! I DIDN'T HURT YOU – THIS ISN'T MY FAULT!"_ She beat a palm to her breast with nigh every word.

Finn's scowl deepend. "You sound like a crazy person, cut it out! Princess, you always think you know what you're talking about, when you  _literally_  have  _no idea_  what's going on here! I freaking told you what my problem with you was, and you ignored it anyways!"

 _"Because it makes no sense!"_ Bubblegum was shaking.

"Oh, just  _STOP_ , Princess! You're so full of it!" Finn glared aside, murmuring loud and clear enough for Bonnie to hear him say, "Just stop pretending like you care."

" _But I do!"_ the princess screamed. "Yes I care, of course I care!  _Everything that I've been doing has been because I care!_ "

"That's a load and you know it!" His eyes were like a water demon's. "The only thing you care about is my  _sword_! You only want me around for  _that_ , it's so  _obvious_! So don't start pretending you actually give a  _toot_  about  _me_  –  _because you sure_ as heck _didn't before_!"

The enormity of his ignorance made her gasp. "Why would you  _believe_  that!?" Bonnie cried.

She struggled to breathe, hyperventilating as she bit down on her fist, tears finally trickling down her cheeks all the while.

"I've, I've done,  _so much_  for you Finn!" Her eyes suddenly met his, hands out in front of her. "With you, and, and  _for_  you -  _we've_ … done, so much together! I, I've taught you, educated you, had…  _breakthroughs_ , in my work! Don't you remember all the fun we had, doing science together? And you would get excited about it because, you were  _helping_  me and, and I  _loved_  that Finn! I loved that so much because,  _because_ —"

"If you say it's because I'm your hero, I swear I'm gonna leave."

"Finn, don't you realize what that  _means_  to me!?" she asked, her heart doing backflips. Bonnibel didn't know which was worse, the fact that he knew, or his cold dismissal of its value.

She knew, right then, when Finn answered, "An easy solution to keeping your kingdom safe!"

Bonnie gasped, sharp and sudden as a gunshot –  _How... How dare he disregard the importance of his title... -_ half a moment later, she angrily dried a cheek with the back of her hand. "Well," she sniffled, "that's where you're wrong, Finn!" She wiped the other. "I barely ever asked you to protect the kingdom, because that isn't your job!"

"Then a fancy errand boy!"

She was ready to open her mouth to reply, when it caught in her throat and echoed instead, "'Errand boy?' Wha'?"

He didn't miss a beat, listing off with his three robotic fingers, "Finn, go to that place and get the thing! Finn, I need you to take care of this experiment gone wrong! Finn, come to my next science demonstration – do the thing that I ask!"

Bonnie was speechless; all he listed, it was the essence of their relationship. To speak so poorly of everything they'd ever done together implies that he never liked them at all.

"I thought you loved doing those things for me!" she cried.

"Why would I?!"

She screamed as if he were thick,  _"Because you're my hero, Finn!"_

He replied in kind. "Oh my GLOB would you  _stop. Saying that?!_ Every time you do it feels like I'm being curb-stomped all over again!"

"I  _am_  being honest with you, Finn! Every word I've said has been honest, and  _sincere_  and, and—"

Finn rolled his eyes. "For the love of— _just spit it out_ , you gumwad!" he spat, and Bonnie winced from the insult like it was a punch to the gut.

"Finn I have nothing— _NOTHING_  more to say to you!" she roared, failing to keep herself from sounding like a grieving widow. "You're my hero and I love you, and if you still fail to believe that, then it's all on  _you_!"

Bonnie shook, trying so hard not to just start howling right there—the gapping pit of uncertainty that was her stomach roiled then, and she lacked the mindset to think about why.

"Me?  _ME_?!" Finn cried, hearing her words. "I don't know what that ever meant to you but it meant a HECK of a lot to me! You have NO IDEA what this has done to me, Bubblegum! NONE!"

Bonnie scowled, incredulous as she was appalled. "And you have the gall to think you're alone in this?! The nights that I've spent awake,  _crying_?  _Sobbing!?_  Wondering every night, about what I did, to make you  _despise me_!? Never answering my calls, leaving me for NO REASON AT ALL!? I had to  _trick myself_  into not caring, Finn! Just so I wouldn't think about it! That's how much you've hurt me, Finn! You've hurt me because something I  _did_   _hurt you_ , and you won't even tell me  _why,_ or _how_ , you wouldn't—!"

"Glom you, Bubblegum! I can't even  _eat_  no more because of this mess!" Finn's grimace trembled. She heard the dampness of his tone, the shakiness of it. "You call that hurting? You think I'd pity you, even if you're being serious!? Try all of that times a thousand! Not that  _you_  care, because it's just  _so freaking important_ that I become your hero again, right?! Because apparently, protecting the kingdom just isn't enough! You need someone to be your little _errand boy_!"

Bonnibel didn't even bother holding back anymore—that hit her like a kick to the chest. "How DARE you!?" she sobbed. "How DARE you mock the significance of your title!? How DARE you treat this matter like some sort of measuring contest!? AND HOW  _DARE_ YOU TREAT ME AND MY FEELINGS LIKE THEY DON'T MEAN SQUAT!?"

"How dare I?  _How dare I!?_  HOW DARE  _YOU_!?" Finn cried, appalled – he deteriorated quick as Bonnie did, and he roared, sobbed, and raved in her face all at once. "You can't treat feelings like crud if they're not there, Bubblegum—not that you would know! Considering that's what you've been doing to me for the last  _six years_!"

Finn gasped - sharp as it was wet.

"And then, you try to fake your way back into my good side, and when all else fails, you say that you  _love me_? Are you really that  _desperate_  to get me back, that you'd stoop  _so low_  as to play with my heart like that?!  _When you know darn-well how I felt?!_ "

For half a second, Bonnie gaped; his words echoing loud inside her head, but the ache they carried gone unheeded. She just couldn't believe that Finn thinks this is about romance. "Oh grow  _the heck_  up, Finn! You're such a freaking  _child_!"

He blinked, as if he were slapped.

 _Good_.

"You assume that I would say this to  _mess_  with you?" She scoffed, despite the tears dripping occasionally from her jawline. Before she knew it, she'd scoffed again – it was too rich, too freaking rich to be true.

"No…  _no_ , of course you do. It makes a perfect amount of sense, as to why you'd be angry with me. Too much, really."

Yet Bonnie couldn't even muster her iconic cockiness to emphasize her point – her heart just felt missing, and the growing redness in Finn's cheeks as he looked away only proved it.

"Is this because I didn't reciprocate your childish infatuation with me all those years ago?" she asked. "Are you truly so  _fragile,_  that you  _still_  can't accept my answer after all this time? Well newsflash, Finn! I didn't  _do it_  because you were a childish little ding-dong! And I didn't  _do it_  because I didn't 'like' you, to keep you on my side, or  _whatever_  dang, self-aggrandizing reasons you posses that would  _justify_  this inhumane  _loathing_  of my actions! You know NOTHING—!"

"Is  _that_  what you think this is about!?" Finn snapped suddenly—his voice rang in her bedroom for several seconds.

"Is  _that_  why you think I'm doing this!?  _My stupid feelings for you!?_ "

"Obviously, Finn! And if not that, what else could it POSSIBLY be at this point!? I said that I loved you Finn, and I meant it! It's  _your_  fault for interpreting it incorrectly! And wanna know why you did? It's because you  _wanted_  it to be about this!"

"Oh,  _shut up Bubblegum_!"

She jabbed a hand at him. "No,  _NO_ , you  _wanted_  a reason to make me the bad guy, when there really isn't one! And you  _know it_! So, what do you do? Ya did what any boy would do, and projected these  _delusions_  upon  _my_  character, so you could  _justify_  feeling this way! And if you can't accept my answer—"

" _I KNOW_ you didn't mean it like  _THAT_!" Finn choked, along with Bonnie, her words, and the whole world upon its axis, it seemed.

Bonnie almost forgot to breathe until Finn, finally, inhaled, long and shakily, and turned away, his eyes squeezed shut. "I know what you  _meant_ , Bubblegum—I know what you meant when you said you  _loved_  me... But you still think I'm so, so  _stupid_ , don't you?" His fists tightened. "Or maybe, something rotten inside of you wanted to shift all the blame somewhere else - for all this happening - onto  _me_ … because you just can't  _stand_  to be the one who messed up."

Finn spoke with such conviction that Bonnie would have felt the felt a lurch in her gut anyhow, had what he said not held a shocking amount of truth to them.

 _Finn's… right,_ echoed hollowly in her head.  _He's… He's totally right._

Bonnie, on any given day, would curse her brain for the way it made her think, made her error—that she was too smart to see the obvious, or somesuch.

Because, of course, it was never  _her_  fault. It was so much easier on her soul to shift the blame elsewhere.

 _How could I have been so…_ stupid _? To just… hear, everything he'd said… and then just try shoveling it back onto his shoulders, as if I had no part in this at all?_

Bonnibel swallowed.  _Have I finally just lost all sense and reason? Am I truly so desperate to feel good about myself, that I'm driven to just turn around and do something truly stupid, like destroy whatever's left of our relationship, if anything at all?_

_Or, was I always like this?_

Bonnie didn't know which was worse.

All the while, Finn ignored the distraught looming on the princess's face, and the dampness upon his own cheeks. "I  _know_  what you  _meant_  – I've  _known_  that, that you never  _liked_   _me_  that way..."

His voice was so full of pain - he still hadn't gotten over her, after all these years. Bonnie's chest ached, as bad as it did after the whole "love triangle" affair (another glorious moment of her reign that Bonnie allowed herself to "forget" about).

"Finn..." she murmured, hand reaching oout.

An instant later his eyes opened, flashing in the dagger-slit of light shining between them. He was still hugging himself as he took a step away - though he might as well have punched her in the chest.

"But I gotta you a question, Bubblegum: when have you  _ever_  said that you loved me before?"

Bonnie's mouth opened, speechless. Finn shook his head, as she did hers—a feeble, final attempt her body's autopilot enacted, to deny these accusations. A thumping sounded in her ears, hard and loud like a big drum—so much so, that Bonnie almost missed Finn telling her,

"I hate you."

His face was shadowed, but his tremulous pursed mouth was unmissable.

And if it somehow was, the strength of his follow-up "I hate you so much" made it obvious.

Bonnie hadn't stopped shaking her head. She heard him say it again,  _'I hate you,'_ in her ears, then once more, but in her own voice,  _I hate you Princess Bubblegum._ Bonnie squared her shoulders, then; her face proud and fixed—expressionless.

It was quiet in the room.

"You don't mean that," she declared, firm. "You can't."

Finn replied, making up in conviction what he lacked in strength, "I can and I do."

"But you…" For one second, she reconsidered continuing. She fought against her better judgement in a desperate bid to salvage… anything, at this point. "You still love me; one cannot hate what they love, Finn."

His skinny upper arms flexed as he slammed both fists down, baring his horribly scrawny figure. "And who do you think you are, trying to tell me how I feel!?"

Bonnie put both hands in front of her. "I'm sorry," she breathily amended, gestures as frantic as the one who made them. "I didn't mean that. I mean, I, I—Oh, Finn please,  _please_  don't do this to me,  _plea-hease…_ "  _I hate you so much,_ her memory mocked all the while.

Finn raved, his embarrassment growing alongside his volume. "Do you even know how I feel about you? Do you care? Did it— _ever_ —come to mind, when it wasn't  _right in_   _your FACE!?_ "

It never did, yet Bonnie couldn't bear to admit this aloud—doing so may validate its reality.

"I  _doubt it._ Whatever you have to say now, PB, I honestly  _doubt it_ —cuz ya got  _bigger_  things to worry about than some little dilweed's feelings!" he shot at her, smiling sardonically for but a moment. "Except when they jack up your style, because then it doesn't MATTER how I feel! It NEVER matters to you! Me, Marcy, ANYONE! And then, to say that you  _love_  me? In some  _desperate_  attempt to get me back?  _For the first time ever!?_ That's not just weak, Princess – it's horrible! This's all been some stupid game of stupid emotional checkers to you, hasn't it? I know said that I didn't hate you, but that was before you tried playing with my heart again! So get stuffed, PB!  _GET STUFFED WITH ALL THE LAVA IN THE FIRE KINGDOM!"_

Every word was like another arrow loosed, hitting their bullseye again and again with heartbreaking accuracy. There was so much he'd said, yet Bonnie didn't miss a beat of it.

And yet, throughout it all, the best she could say in reply was, "I… I'd never said that before?"

She didn't even want to think about how Finn knew that was true.

Yet something drove her to ask, faintly, "How can you be so sure, Finn? ...M-Maybe I have, and you just don't remem—"

"I do," Finn croaked.

Bonnibel's mouth hung, then, slowly, it closed shut, unable to speak or even move. Once upon a time, on any given day, she would go and question the boy's memory.

But not about  _this_.

When she looked to him, then, only now did she see his shoulders tremble, his thin belly expand and deflate in rapid succession, his throat pulse as he swallowed. The tears held firm in his eyes though.

"I remember everything we did together, PB. I remember the last time we hung out like friends—when we snuck out of the sleepover, and I met Timmy, and… and  _we talked, like frie-hends_ …"

Finn hugged his fists close, his body hunching and hitching by increments with steadying intensity.

 _"_ _Tha' was my fae-haaev'rite…"_  he breathed, squeezing out more tears, and released a faint sob. "I only wanted to know, if that time we spent together,  _all've_ _it_ , if, if that ever,  _mattered_ to you..." He snorted the snot trickling from his nose. "That's the only thing I wanted to know! Even if you felt just a crumb of how I did about it,  _that, would've meant the wor-hor-horld!"_

Now he was outright crying. His wails were long, whining—a crescendo after every pause, every skip of breath—but above all, they were heartbreakingly quiet.

And Bonnie could only watch, feeling nothing but the wardrum in her bosom, pounding, pounding  _pounding_ …

Finn gasped, palming his eyes and curling into himself, hiding his shame from the princess whose eyes gathered with tears, and her heart hammered away in her chest. Bonnibel opened her mouth, thick with unswallowed spittle, trying to say literally  _anything_ , but found herself clawing for something to say at all.

 _I DO Finn! I love that memory, too! I loved that time we spent together and I love—_ she couldn't take her eyes off him, couldn't even blink. He was just so scrawny and hurt and, and she was the  _reason_  for his suffering, and she still didn't know  _why_  -  _why this happened at all_  - and it was utter  _torture_  just to watch the product of her perceived carelessness.

Her gifted analytical eye was a curse now, forcing her to see every tear drip from his eyelashes, seemingly fall into her own, welling there; every hitch and hiccup striking hard as a hammer.

"I didn't  _ca-hare_ ," Finn swallowed, "I didn't even care, that we didn't do that again, after... I didn't even care, when we stopped hanging out com-completely! We used to hang out all the time, Princess! But we stopped after..." He shook his head, weeps convulsing his stomach. "But I didn't even care, because I thought we were friends, and you'd just gotten busy! I didn't even care when we stopped having parties, when we stopped hanging out, when you,  _wh-when you_   _stopped, giving me any h-huuugs, like, li-like…_ "

"Like it was all an  _act_..." Finn wiped his eyes—puffy and moist and red as a demon's—except he only made himself look worse.

"I knew," he shuddered, "that you were busy… just like I knew, that you weren't as free-hee!… But I didn't know,  _that you stopped_ , because you realized,  _that I was just so blindly loy-h'al_!"

Finn forced control upon his voice, just long enough to say, "I thought that we were friends, and that you cared about me, at least a little more than a knight! I didn't wanna believe Patience, when she told me that none of it mattered, that everything was all just so you could keep me on your side…" He snuffled. "An' I tried thinking aroun' it, I tried provin' 'er wrong! Bu-hut it made,  _too-hoo, much, seh-heh-heh-hense!_ "

He hunched over with a hand clamped over his mouth—Finn's sobs were harsh, even while muffled, and his body wracked.

"Glob it, I  _HATE THIS_! The hangouts stopping?  _The friendliness?!_ Just feeling like I was more of a lapdog you could call on instead of an actual friend - like, you'd only ever see me if it was for a mission, for Glob's sake! How'd I not realize this  _sooner_!?" Finn crumbled, hugging his stomach.  _"How the frick? Glob it,_ I'm so _stupid,"_  he muttered, shaking his head to the melody of,  _"Stupid,"_ slowly sinking to the floor, until he was embracing his legs, and weeping into his knees.

His cries were sharp and hitched, and they were all that tethered Bonnibel to the realm of consciousness.

Her head wouldn't stop spinning, hurting, as if his words whapped her with a club. She felt cotton in both hands—slowly, her gaze fell upon the fingers clenching and unclenching the weightless fabric of her tee.

As did the other with Finn's shirt. Her eyes widened—it didn't occur to her that she never dropped it, no, this simple, blue article of clothing—she saw it every time she saw Finn, and after today, she may never see it again.

No, she won't. Finn hates her.

And she now knew why.

Bonnibel directed her focus upon the boy across from her, not that he noticed, or was even aware of her presence for that matter.

Yet something inside, a deep, inquisitive longing that'd always driven her, took the helm of her body and spoke when she herself could not.

Lightly, in a voice so faint, Bonnie asked her former hero:

"…Is that all true?"

A certain weight swelled within. The pain was awful, achingly familiar, and she wished it would just explode already and put her into another coma.

Fingers Bonnie had pressed against the fine cotton of her shirt curled in, the pain that lied beyond, akin to a black hole, crushing and unreachable.

 _This, This is it,_  she realized,  _this is what Marceline felt all those years ago…_

 _When, When I… When I broke her…_ her _…_

"Have…"

Her voice quivered.

"…Have I really been…  _that bad…_  of a friend?"

Bonnie's eyes were drawn to something in front of her—it didn't register to her those two, shiny black beads sitting in her peripherals were Finn's.

"I mean…" she said to herself, "…I mean, I never noticed—he was always so eager, to, to  _help me_ , so happy too, that I thought… I just  _thought_  that he, he  _l-loved_ , doing… these things for me. Because…  _Because_ …"

She sucked in air, her eyes widened slightly, and her heart plummeted into her guts.

And when she met Finn's gaze—their eyes just as big and round and shocked and glistened just the same beneath the soft, sparse sunlight—she understood, now.

She understood why he hurt so much.

Why he was so afraid of believing her.

And why he hated her now:

"You do love me." Tears filled Bonnie's eyes saying this, but they didn't well over until Finn looked away to cover the shame ravaging red across his face, the embarrassment he continued to voice in long, mournful sobs, gentle as a ghost's, and just as painful on the heart.

It just all made so much sense. She was so, terribly confused with everything up to Finn's confession—his behavior, his aggression, the pain that never left his eyes and even his awful health and blaming her for it—Bonnie just wanted to understand why, what did she do to make Finn turn against her.

And she did.

This was her fault.

She'd been a terrible friend without ever realizing it, and this was exactly what happened with Marceline, all those centuries ago.

This was exactly what happened when she lost her people's love in an effort to preserve it. She vowed to never let it happen again.

But it did.

And there was no winning Finn back this time.

"This…  _is_ … my fault," she breathed, as if finally realizing yet another simple answer to a problem that's been staring her in the face.

Except that's exactly what it was. The problem was herself, and the answer was herself, and it's been staring Bonnie in the face for nigh seven-hundred years, on the day she made the subconscious decision that her people's lives were the only ones that mattered.

Her eyes wide and dry, her throat nearly closing on itself upon uttering, "It's…  _all_ … my fault…"

The accusations, the aversion of letting her speak, Finn's pain, even what Patience had said on the matter. It was so obvious, in hindsight, but Bonnie didn't believe it, didn't want to—her own brain denied even entertaining such notions, before they could receive consideration.

Because it was never  _her_  fault.

Except it was.

 _It was_ always _my fault. First with Marceline, and now…_

"…'Course…" she breathed, looking to her hands. "Of… Of course, that… that was  _it_ … W-What else could it  _possibly_  have been?"

Bonnie's gaze lowered, slow as a sunset, everything Finn had said cycling throughout her memory, and how frighteningly well it coincided with her behavior. She was always at work in her lab, always preparing for the next big "thing" in her kingdom, or hanging out with Marceline, or doing science for the sheer thrill of it. Rarely did she spend time with Finn, not of a conscious choice but because it simply never occurred to her, at least not often—whenever it did, they weren't alone, Jake or some other tagging along. The last occurrence of quality time together occurred at…  _at_ …

 _…_ _the sleepover._ And before that, she truly struggled to recall.

Of course it looks bad to Finn.

Heck, it would look bad to anybody—how did she not notice this was happening again!?

Right in front of her face no less!?

Bonnie's eyes gently flashed over to meet Finn's, only to find him still on the ground, hugging his knees. Finn was never much of a crier—and his sobs were even quieter now, but so very genuine, and real, and full of  _so much_  pain.

_And it's because of me._

For several tense, silent seconds, her mouth was popped open, contorting to form words beyond a strangled squeak.

"I… didn't know," she eventually managed. "I-I never, even  _realized_ … just how awful a friend I've been…"

Her face crumpled; her chest hurt so much, and she spent a sob into her hand before looking to the ceiling for answers.

"How," she swallowed, cupping her cheek; she finished thickly, "How… in Glob's name did I  _not, notice this before?"_

It was rhetoric at best, for she knew why already: it was because Bonnibel Bubblegum was selfish.

Because Bonnibel Bubblegum couldn't bear the idea that she not only hurt one of the few friends she'd ever had in this cruel, chaotic world, not only that she caused him so much unbelievable pain, but one important idea altogether—the idea it circled back to.

The idea it always circled back to, every time this happened to her.

That this happened to Bonnie in the first place, just by her being herself.

That she was such a hilariously awful friend, that she didn't even notice the change in their relationship that Finn did.

Where everything they did, everything she loved about what they had, and all that stood in between—her kingdom, her work, her awful people skills—painted a picture that implied she never cared at all.

That Finn was a means to an end.

That all of this, right now, was happening because of the grave she'd dug for herself while seeing only the inside of her own behind. Patience had nothing to do with it, not even a little—she might have lured Finn into thinking this way, for his loyalty was like steel, and he would never, ever think so poorly of his princess in the first place.

Not unless it really, truly seemed that she never cared at all.

Bonnie's eyes wandered, as if searching through fog, to meet with Finn's—his own wide and unblinking at the sight before him.

Her voice was fragile as a fractured window. "I am so…  _so, sorry_ , Finn."

She gasped sharp, then clapped a hand over her mouth, tight—a desperate bid to smother whatever ugliness tried forcing its way through. Her eyes fluttered madly, trying to blink tears away, but they were replaced instantly, filled her eyes in a matter of seconds, and welled over. Bonnie's shoulders jolted as she muffled her realization.

They subsided after a few, and as she dragged her hand upward, cupping her forehead, Bonnie's tears smeared across her face, mixing with the disgusting amount of saliva left in its wake.

Her face was tacky and hot and her eyes burned but all she could think to do was tell him, "You're right F-hinn…" Bonnie shuddered, hearing only a mighty thumping in her chest, and the frailty of her own voice. "You're so,  _szo ri-high-hight_ …"

Bonnie's other hand shot up, joining the other in clutching at a wad of hair—the princess staring at the floor, bewildered, snuffling and gasping softly amidst her struggle to accept that this was it, this was how it happened.

This was how she lost yet another friend.

And it wasn't the spying.

Not hurting Phoebe and her people.

Nor ignoring his affections.

Or putting him in danger countless times.

Those awful phone messages, or even losing herself in protecting her kingdom, like with Marceline—at least not wholly.

But, it was for the simple reason, that she was Bonnibel Bubblegum.

And she knew, all too well, who Bonnibel Bubblegum was.

Bonnibel Bubblegum was a paranoid, manic loner, who's lived for eight-hundred years, can create life out of sugar and math, and doesn't know how to be a decent friend to the handful she's allowed herself to have.

And this time, she hurt one so badly, so unforgivably, that he couldn't even eat anymore, that he was reduced to sobbing on her floor,  _that he now hated her guts_ …

…because she was so awful a person, she never even realized just how much.

And worst yet, she didn't even amend her errors in the unacceptably ample time allotted until it ran out, until someone, once again, had to shove her face into the evidence and scream in her ear, "See!? SEE!? THIS IS WHAT YOU SOW, BUBBLEGUM!"

Bonnie's throat was now raw, and burning, and she couldn't stop making noise, even if she wanted to. She had ended up on the floor at some point, kneeling, still gripping her hair, head bowed.

And she couldn't cease her wailing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and let me know what you think - but above all, thanks for reading! - Only


	10. Everything (Pt 5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonnie realizes the truth of her situation

She'd lost so much more than a friend today... Or rather, a month ago. Worse still, Bonnie had no one to blame but herself: fate had given her another chance to improve after the mess involving Marceline, and she squandered it like she squandered her friendships.

And now there was nothing, nothing she could feasibly do, to amend her wrongs—she could only cry, cry bitterly for the absolute mess that was herself.

_Patience didn't do this._ _I'm the one who pushed him away._

Everything and anything in her brain now, she just wanted to say it - a delirious stream of apologies and excuses, for that was all she had to offer now. But her brain was a mess and her nonexistent heart in bubblegum tatters, and she could only muster a quick and quiet,  _"I'm sorry,"_  between a sob,  _"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm_   _so, so sorry Finn_ …"

And she couldn't gather herself to muster anything greater.

_I'm the one who did this._

Her shoulders trembled, vision a blurry mess—rendering the world a melted, colorful blur.

_I made you feel like total crud and now you hate me for it._

"This's is all,  _my-hy,_   _f-fau-haul-ault_ …" Bonnie crumbled to her knees, embracing her screaming insides, as if constricting herself in a futile effort to smother the feeling and bring comfort.

 _"_ My hero ha _-ates me,"_ she murmured in a whimper, quick and quiet and breathless and stroking her arms, up and down, down and up. " _He hates me and I made him hate me…"_

She had to control herself; Bonnie's breath held within an imaginary fist of iron, to cease further sobbing. But then she would remember - like the time Finn went through all that extra trouble for her toting those tarts - and she just couldn't hold it in, and an ugly, snotty sob blubbered out, and Bonnie spiraled downward again.

Bonnie wept into her hands, wholly aware of how infantile she looked: wailing aloud, before muffling herself in her hands, before switching back to wailing, and then collapsing into her hands once more.

It's just, no one should see her cry. She was a princess and she had a duty to her people, which was apparently so Glob-darned important that she forgot how  _to be there_  for other people and now one,  _two_ , of the few people she'd ever cared about  _hated her_ for it.

And rightfully so: this is exactly what happened to Marceline. Five centuries later, and Bonnibel still hadn't changed a bit.

At some point she'd fallen back upon her rear, a wreck of sobs and snot and sniffles, feet poised on either side of her hips, knees together, hands clawing at her shirt, twisting at the fabric wherever they ended up as she never broke her self-embrace.

She heard Phoebe's voice echo amidst the hurricane encircling her mind:

 _"_ _Something inside you is_ messed up _, girl…"_

"I've tried…" she attempted, swallowing a gasp.

 _"_ _And it isn't because you're a_ scientist _or a_ leader _…"_

"T-T-To be, a better,  _p-her-son,_ " she took a long, shaky inhale, " _but, I kee-heep, messing, it, uh-hup…"_

And then she felt a hand gently clasp her shoulder.

The princess, too short of breath, too exhausted to manage a gasp, gulped in-part surprise but primarily in shock.

For, unless Marceline was invisible and had been watching this whole time, there was only one other person it could possibly be, and Bonnie had no idea why he even approached her, let alone be so gentle.

For Bonnibel would punch the monster who did to her what she'd done to Finn. She'd stomp them like an  _ant_.

She was almost afraid to say his name, if only because doing so might spur him to leave, and she lacked both the strength and the heart to stop him this time, alongside the psychological capacity to realize that it would be for the best.

She could only murmur,  _"F-h'inn…"_ then gasped upon a sob as he lifted her swiftly by the chin.

Through bleary eyes she saw a face enshrouded, dark and unreadable, as was the room around the two of them. He, at some point, had put his shirt and hat back on.

A swelling within urged Bonnibel. She fought against herself to force the words, as frail as she felt herself:

_"I-h'I am so, so sorr-hee, Finn…"_

She gulped.

"I— _AUGH-HAGH!"_ Bonnie cried, raggedly just as her vision flashed. She was suddenly sprawled across the floor, seeing stars - her temple exploded into pain soon after.

Before she could so much as comprehend what happened, Finn stood above her and, half a heartbeat later, slammed her with his foot, right in the chest. Her eyes bulged out of her head—the pain, the intensity, she couldn't breathe; only gape, and scream soundlessly.

"Bubblegum!" she heard him roar, before hurting her again. Pain surged throughout her chest, seeping deep inside. It felt like something was trying to chew its way directly through her.

When Finn slammed his foot upon Bonnie once more, she was soundless in her agony until, suddenly, a strangled sound tore from her throat—a horrid cry that was simultaneously a groan. Her eyes screwed shut, herself whimpering from what, she didn't specifically know anymore; she didn't even know what was happening, except that it was—

 _"_ _GAH-HA!"_ She jolted, trying to curl into herself, but it hurt too much to move. Finn once more gave a cry of her name, or  _a_  name: " _PRINCESS_!" echoed around, as if mocking her title.

Bonnie knew she should be fighting back, she probably could—" _AGH!"_ she cried, followed with another exclamation of  _"PB!"—_ but she found herself lying prone, awaiting the next one like a child ready for their dessert, too exhausted and pained to try and protect herself.

It got easier anyhow, dealing with this familiar, horrible ache in her chest—the pain will fade with time, as with all things; Bonnie would move on with her life, and Finn with his.

She didn't even feel it anymore. Especially when Finn resorted to just stomping her, over and over and over and over again, in rapid succession, without even bothering to speak her name again. Bonnie eventually just started grunting, just before all physical reactions ceased entirely.

Then she stopped making noise altogether. And that is when Finn's voice broke the cycle with a cry of, " _Bubblegum_!" and not another bout of agony followed.

A heartbeat of silence passed.  _"BONNIE open your eyes, PLEA-HEASE!"_

They obeyed on the spot, popping open to where Bonnie found the dimness of her bedroom returned, banishing the darkness from before—and golden tresses hung suspended just above her face. Her pooled eyes widened, focusing, comprehending that Finn was not only in his shirt, but his face was clearly visible, and above her, and it was soaked, and ruddy, and runny, and—

 _Terrified_.

"F-Finn?" she cooed - amidst the horrible ache within, she also felt...  _puzzled_ , to say the least.

It hurt still, the pain in her bosom lingering from where Finn assaulted her, except not so raw prior to growing numb to her aching chest. A persistent, dull ache, and Bonnie hated it; hated how it made her feel, how it grew worse with every second, the more she thought about it and why it hurt…

And yet, Bonnie felt it only inside of her, rolling around beyond her fingers' reach—as if Finn never hit her at all. Although she looked weary, and awful to boot, Bonnie was afraid, shamefully, that he would do it again.

Shamefully, because how could she be afraid of such a boy, whose tears plopped so gently upon her brow?

Whose voice shook so uncontrollably, she could barely make him out saying, "Yo-You, w-wer-were, ha-aving a, a s-s-seizure, or some-some- _so_ - _homething_ , and I thought, tha-hat, you were f- _faking_ , a-a- _h'and_ —"

"I'm sorry," she gasped.

It was such a short, simple phrase, it stopped whatever Finn was blubbering out of his mouth, though achieved little in tiding the constant flow from either of their eyes. Bonnie couldn't help herself: watching him fidget above her, her head begun to shake at the sight she'd been the engineer of.

Bonnie whimpered—realizing that Finn cradled her head in his lap—and did so several more times just feeling how delicate his fingers were on her bubblegum skin, her chest jolting painfully with every shallow sob: he would never hurt her like that. Ever.

Even if he hated her now.

A sudden cry tore from her, remembering.  _"_ _I'm sorry, Finn..."_  murmured the princess, gazing upwards. A few errant sobs wracked her breast violently, and she felt the beginnings of another bout build behind her eyes.

"I've  _spe-hent_ , a-all, this, tie-ti- _hime_ , thinking,  _I was good_ …" the last word ascended into a squealing little sob; Bonnie brought a fist to her lips, sniveling as she sensed somebody go to hush her, pleadingly, with hesitant hands combing through her hair. It was soothing enough to help her finish, "But I'm  _not_ , Finn…  _'m really really no-hot!"_

Bonnie's face crumpled: the ache inside writhed, turned on itself, over and over.  _Was this what heartache felt like?_  Bonnie wouldn't know - for she didn't posses one of her own, and only had past experiences where she felt equally as terrible inside for reference.

She let out a single sob - it was all she could muster now before opening her eyes.

And then it stopped—for just a moment, when Bonnie looked to Finn, it froze on the spot. He was perched still overhead, his golden hair reaching past his shoulders, almost kissing her on the forehead, her cheeks. His eyes were wide, and blue, and puffy and wet and worried - silent in shock, or perhaps appall, she truly did not know.

 _You're the reason why, Bonnibel,_ whispered a voice in her ear. _You're why he's hurting. You, alone, are the sole reason why anyone around you is ever hurt._

Dear Gumbald's, she realized - a dark corner of her memory best left unremembered, her beloved uncle said not these precise words, but it was the heart, the meaning, of them.

Bubblegum never dared entertain what he said that day: when she'd made the fateful decision to make her family into a kingdom.

The pain returned twofold. Bonnie crumpled in on herself, the sight of Finn unbearable with Gumbald's last words haunting her memory. And despite it all, Bonnie still felt her mouth contorting, trying to form words - anything to express her regret.

_"_ _Princess stop."_

And she did, if not for the command, then how Finn cried out, gently squishing her gooey hair between his fingers, begging to be heeded.

She did just so - her thoughts, voice, words, everything caught in Bonnie's throat while gazing up at the boy she loved so dearly, who's chest she felt convulse in a pitiful stand to suppress his emotion.

The intensity of it burst past his lips and trickled down his eyes anyway. " _Ah-ah-_ I…" he began, shallow and broken.

Bonnie felt a tiny splat upon her brow. Half a heartbeat later her grooming abruptly ceased, the tender contact followed as she watched Finn hug his hands close to his chest and pull away from her, as if trying to get as far from Bonnie as physically possible.

Immediately she wished for its return.

Finn slowly shook his head, however, now hugging himself. "I can't," he whispered, his shaking intensifying. " _I can't_ do this _anymore_ ,  _Princess_..."

Bonnie quickly scrambled so she was on all fours, and looking directly at Finn, her face struck.  _What did I say?_ wondered the lurch in her chest. _What did I do…?_

"Just stop it," he told her. "Stop talking, stop doing stuff! Stop crying and,  _and just stop_! I can't do this anymore, PB,  _I can't_!" Bonnie clutched both hands to her breast, kneeling on pink and purple legs. Her breathing was quiet yet audible, but also broken, catching upon its own rapidity. At the same time Finn subdued himself into a fast, sob-hitched pace himself, jittery hands roving up and down his skinny upper arms.  _"…_ _I-I-I w'hanna,"_ a shaky gulp, _"believe you,"_ whispered Finn, sniveling. Bonnie would have thought he were confessing to some terrible crime, he was so quiet.

Slightly louder, clearer, he murmured in a single breath,  _"I wanna believe you so bad…"_

Her entire being, except for her heart, locked in place; a feeling inside her chest rose, hesitantly. She submitted herself to the feeling rather than fight it, lacking the sense to instinctively resist it, to tell herself that it wouldn't last.

Finn continued, thick with emotion. "I knew this would happen," he muttered - as if to himself, and Bonnie's jubilance turned to puzzlement until he reiterated, slightly louder, " _I knew_ … that I'd believe you, because… I  _wanna_  believe you!"

Their eyes met for half an instant, before Finn's crumbling composure deteriorated completely. " _Glob_..." he wept. "I just want everything to go back to normal..."He swallowed a sob attempting to surface. Finn growled to himself, knuckling his forehead.

"And  _now_?" he croaked, eyes screwing shut. "Now, there's nothing,  _NOTHING_  that I ever,  _ever wanted more,_  than to know if you're bein'  _real_  or not!"

Bonnie felt her heart plummet the following instant, herself trembling, and it wasn't because Finn refused to believe her still.

 _He wants to believe me... He-he probably_ does  _believe me, but… but he's so,_ so _afraid, that I'm l-_ lying _to him, so_ afraid _he's just gonna get burned again, that I…_

 _…_ _That I don't_ blame _him… Oh Finn, I'm so sorry I put you through this torment!_

Especially knowing how he felt about her—a love that clearly transcended the superficial, hormone-driven infatuation she always thought it to be.

And it was beautiful, she realized with a start, as well as flattering.

_And I singlehandedly destroyed it._

Bonnie could have spoken up at any time, and yet something drove her to only cup her lips—anything more than that, and she knew the fine, cracked surface of her glassy composure would surely shatter once again. Yet she wished so badly to hug Finn, to squeeze all the hurt and pain out of him and assure him  _'I'm real, I'm sincere, oh Finn, I love you, you're one of the closest people in my life and I'm so, SO sorry I didn't treat you that way!'_

Tears rolled down Bonnie's cheeks, around her hands, quietly—her hands muffling the mild sobs that tried escaping.

All the while, Finn never stopped talking:

"I  _wish_  I didn't know what I do now! I  _wish_  I could believe you! But, then,  _what if you're lying_? If there's just the smallest,  _tiniest_   _chance_  of that being true, that you're doing  _exactly_  what you need to do to get me to believe you…  _then I can't_ believe you! I  _can't_  go through all this again, Princess,  _I just can't_!"

"And then!? And that's, not even the worst of it!" Finn shot up to his feet. "That's not even what  _sucks_  about this whole stupid thing! Because, what if, this whole freaking time,  _what if_   _I was wrong_!?" he cried, hands shooting up to grip the sides of his head.

Finn started pacing a short back-and-forth, his golden hair swirling about whenever he turned.

"What if this past month, everything,  _was for nothing!?"_ he spat. "What if this whole time, I've just been a big,  _fat_  idiot,  _FOR NO REASON AT ALL_!?"

Bonnie's eyes widened as she felt her heart do a swan dive.  _It's just so like him to think he's at fault here._

Her voice was broken from the errant cries prior. Meekly, she started, "Finn, no—"

"What if you were telling the truth!? Huh!?" He snapped his bewildered gaze to her. Did he even see that she was shaking her head in denial, mouthing "No" over and over, desperately begging him to calm?

Finn raved on, pacing again, "If you were telling the truth this whole time, then that means I've just been ignoring you, and, and P- _Patience_!  _She freaking TRICKED ME!_  Oh Glob, she  _tricked me_  into doubting you and I let that happen!" Finn's grieving cracked—his vocal chords were beginning to go. His hands shook in front of him, his gaze held to the floor, as he realized, hauntingly, "Tha- _That means_ , this whole time, I-I've been hurting you, a-and… Oh Glob, I've been  _hurting you_ …"

Three crushingly quiet heartbeats passed as Bonnie watched Finn's face contort into horror, to sorrow, denial, and then back to fear - each flavored with the ceaseless flow from his puffy, pink eyes.

But Finn didn't make a sound - he didn't wail nor cry further. It was somehow more unsettling to watching his face soundlessly crumple, conflict clear as day upon it, as he brought his arms to hug himself.

In a low, meek voice, Finn told her, "I'm scared, Princess… I'm so _, so sca-ared_ , and…  _I dunno,_   _what to do anymore_ , or what to  _think_ …"

Finn dragged his robotic hand across his nose. Facial residue gleamed from its stainless surface.

"Just please let me go,  _please_ …" he begged her. "I don't,  _w'hanna do this,_ anymore… I'll forget about all this, I'll move on with my life, but I don't want to know the truth anymore,  _I don't care_ …"

_"…_ _I feel like I'm gonna die if I know now…"_

Finn's pink little fingers clenched at the fabric of his shirt, in a very specific spot.

Bonnie's hands never left her lips, hanging onto Finn's every word—the rainbow of inflections he placed into his delivery, colored in every shade of blue. She heard his frustration, empathized with his turmoil, and felt the same phantom lacerations upon her heart as he. Never in her life had Bonnie been so invested with what another person was saying - and she regretted that immensely. Between his every pause to snuffle, to gasp shakily for air, her heart clenched as if to say to herself,  _I did this._

With every word he uttered:  _This is my work._

With every tear that clung desperately to his chin, only to snap free, twinkle in the din, and fall upon her carpet:  _I did this to Finn._

Amidst a lifetime of throwing herself into her problems, doing anything and everything in her power to fix them, Bonnibel had never felt so completely, utterly useless before in her eight centuries of walking this Earth.

Now, she had only her words, and thus she might as well be speaking in another dialect, given how legendarily poor her own was utilized. And yet Bonnie tried, she had to, hoping Finn would hear the sincerity in her tone, the way it trembled softly with emotion as she told him, "Don't blame yourself for this, Finn…"

He gave a sad, slow shake of the head, his shoulders quietly trembling.

Bonnie ignored the fact that she was numb to the sight, felt nothing new from it, as she took a small step forward, closing half the distance between them.

Softly, she begged of him, "Please don't think that I'm mad at you, not about this." Her head angled, trying to look up at Finn and catch his gaze, "Finn?" but he avoided doing so, as if they were opposite ends of a magnet.

 _How fitting,_ Bonnie realized. Was that really what their friendship had been reduced to?

Literal polar opposites?

She refused to believe that. "And even if I  _was_ , even if I could find it within myself to be a  _little bit_  angry with what happened here, and at  _you_  no less, then I'd have to be a heartless  _shrew_  to hold it for a  _second_."

The boy looked off to the side, biting down on his fist, shuddering. His eyes welled anew, and Bonnie knew something she said must have been absorbed.

Concerned, watching them soundlessly well over in an instant, she cooed, "Finn?" advancing a respectfully small step forward.

 _"_ _Stop lying to me,"_ he stammered - foot and thrumming chest both halted in place. "Y _-You, ha-hate me, now… You would_ hate me _for this._   _You're, just tryin', to keep me with y'hou…_ " His scrawny little figure convulsed with his terrible sobs—looking like he could shatter at the touch.  _"I, I, I kn-ow, that y'hou, neh-_ never, _cared, about me..."_

Gently, pleadingly, Bonnie cried out, "Finn,  _of course_  I care about you; I've  _always_  cared about you—and you know it! You've seen it for yourself, right? Of how much it hurts me that I did this to you? It's killing me inside, Finn! Honestly!"

"And like I said! Even if I were  _angry_ , even against  _all_  logic and reason, if I could find it in myself to feel justified to  _hate you_  over this?" She shook her head, it was so ridiculous. " _Glob_ , I've told you before, Finn, I can  _never_  stay mad at you! Remember? With the Duke of Nu—?"

"Would you stop already!? Glob, what a load!" Finn rolled his reddened eyes to the ceiling. "We've known each other for six years, PB! And you never,  _ever_  shown that you cared about me as much as you do now! What the heck am I supposed to say to that, huh!?"

 _I-I know, I'm sorry,_ Bonnie thought behind a scowl. She could have— _should have_ —said that; doing so might have diffused some of Finn's frustration toward her.

The "should have" did not occur to her after the fact, but for whatever reason, despite sensing on a base level that voicing her thoughts would be wise, Bonnibel opted to excuse herself instead, like always:

"You could forgive me for assuming our friendship was stronger than that, Finn!" she cried, gesturing wide and wildly. "What? Did you want constant reassurances from me, all the time?"

Finn was aghast. " _NO_! I can't  _believe_  you're still missing the point! Unless you're being serious, or, or trying to twist my  _words_  on me, I don't know!"

Silence fell—so tense between them, that Bonnie couldn't even move, nor could Finn, until it snapped suddenly when he broke their gaze, rubbing two metal fingers into his eyes.

"And let's say I was right," he said, scowling suddenly at her. "Even if I was h- _hurting_   _you,_  this whole time, the  _real_  PB would dungeon me for screwing up this bad! And you expect me to think you aren't mad  _at all_?  _Really_?"

Now  _that_  shocked Bonnie into silence.  _D-Dungeon?_

Finn saw her face, read a victory. He smirked knowingly, although Bonnie missed its vacancy - the distant, hollowed look in his eye which revealed the truth of his conviction.

 _He can't be serious... He just_ can't _..._

"You… honestly  _think_ , that I would  _do_   _that_  to you?" she asked, in a low, quiet voice. "Am I really so  _horrible_ , that you truly believe I'd… I'd  _incarcerate_  you for hating me?"

For half a heartbeat, Finn looked as though he'd been gutted. So sudden it was that Bonnie felt her own drop like a leaden weight—what was with that look, she wondered, and why did Finn appear as though she confessed to having an affair with Jake?

"Y-Yes!" he stammered. "No!? I…  _I dunno_! You don't make sense anymore, Princess! You're just so  _confusing_!"

Finn waved his hands, gesturing wildly. "I mean, w-what the heck was that—at Tree Trunks's wedding?!" he cried, hopelessly confused. "You just threw everyone in jail for, like,  _no flippin' reason!_  And when I asked you about it later you just said, 'Don't worry about it Finn, it doesn't matter!' So, what, Princess?! Even before I realized the truth, I always thought that was weird of you! _"_

The reality of that ordeal was so embarrassing, Bonnie denied herself from ever thinking about it. She inhaled before replying steadily, "I released  _everyone_  not  _long_  af—"

"You say one thing and then mean another, I can't keep it all straight!" he ranted over her—no longer face her direction as he entangled his fingers in his hair. "You tell me everything was for real, but when I look back all I remember is you doing the bare minimum to keep me stupid and happy! How the heck am I supposed to tell that you aren't playing me now!? You  _know_  I wanna believe you, you could just be making crud up right now!"

Bonnie heard all of this, heard it play back within a single heartbeat, watching Finn with stunned, unblinking eyes.

She stormed toward him until she towered above him, roaring, " _No, Finn! NO!_ " the rate at which her volume climbed coinciding with her rapid deterioration. "You don't get to do that to me, you understand?! You have no right _, NO RIGHT_  to say that I'd do something so horrible!  _I never did such a thing to you, ever!_ " She jabbed him in the chest all the while, enunciating every sentence.

Finn batted it aside with a space-yielding step backward.  _"_ Oh, now I  _KNOW_  you're playing dumb! You don't think I remember that messed-up stuff you said to me back then?!"

He must not have seen Bonnie's bafflement—herself unable to so much as give voice to it:  _WHAT messed-up stuff!? What did I EVER say to you?!_

Finn continued, pointedly, "And even if that  _was_  'true,' even if you were being  _totally honest always_ ," he mocked her, sloppily, "then how come you  _told me_  that you wanted to be with me _, and then act like none of that ever mattered in the first place?!_ Was that you always being honest with me, Bubblegum?! Was that how much I  _mattered_  to you?!  _HUH_?! _"_

Bonnie let out all the air in her lungs, though it hitched, and she had to put a hand to her throat. "What are you  _talking_  about?" she gasped, sharp and shocked.

Finn looked just as well for a full second.

" _When you turned thirteen—!"_ He caught his bewildered cry suddenly, but realized he was too late when he saw Bonnie gawking. His already flushed face turned a tad darker, humiliated, his grimace conveyed, as did the shame with which he now stared with at Bonnibel's bare feet.

She herself hadn't even blinked yet - she couldn't  _believe_  they were going there,  _here_ , now of all times.

Finn's gaze was intense as it was petrifying when it met hers—she would have flinched from the combined suddenness of it, had "THIRTEEN" not echoed cyclically in her ears still.

 _No,_ she thought, too stunned to even shake her head, though her stiffening neck wanted to.  _No… no, not here. Not this, not now!_ He just had to pick the worst possible time to talk about this.

Even on a normal day, this would be an embarrassing, awkward topic to broach. To the point where Bonnie, at times, truly believed Finn would resent her if she ever disclosed her side of the whole affair.

Finn maintained his look, even while speaking as slow and purposefully as Bonnie ever heard him before: "When you turned thirteen, you said to me that you would like to stay with me," he explained.

Bonnie's heart plummeted quicker than a meteorite, but before she could stop Finn, he continued, forcefully, as though anticipating her objection, " _That you wanted to be with me_ , if 'responsibilities' weren't in the way.  _And then_ …?" the words trembled. "And then? You just went and acted like  _none_  of that ever happened, that it didn't  _matter_  to you."

Bubblegum flinched— _this_  wasn't what she was expecting, and a part of her sighed in relief realizing this. "Finn, no, you've got the wrong idea-"

" _Bubblegum_ -!" He choked, but his tone alone finished,  _I don't wanna hear it._

His chin crumpled for just a second before steeling his expression.

"Just what was that, Princess?" he asked low, quick, and sharp, like a dagger to the gut. "Tell me. Please. That's all I want to know, I'll leave your life forever… o-or I'll even be your champion again, I'll make it a royal promise if I have to! Just please, please, please  _please_   _plea-hease_  tell me that was a part of your master plan. R-Right? To keep me on your side? Or were you just messing with my head 'cause it was funny?"

In this moment, Bonnie realized that even after  _three years_ , even after all this time, this was still a sore spot for him.

His accusations made her gape. She would have gasped had their weight not sucked her breath away. "N-No, Finn!  _Of course_  not!" the princess admonished. "I, I mean that whole situation, it was such a  _mess_  for everyone involved…" She took in his unchanged expression—wrought with grief that'd stewed for three years—for a full second. "I mean,  _ages_ , you see… are…" Bonnie trailed off into pitiful silence, honestly expecting him to object, to cut her off, but what he did instead was far worse.

Finn simply eyed her, waiting to hear out whatever excuse he knew she'd make.

And in truth, there was none, not a single justification for what happened. It was all just bad, rotten luck, and even  _that_  felt like an excuse for someone who should have known better.

Bonnie stammered, fist clutched against her breast. "I… I have no excuse for what happened. But Finn, thi-this topic, I've  _wanted_  to broach it with you—I have! O-Over the phone! But, i-it's such a  _complicated_  and sensitive matter, it  _requires_ —I mean I didn't—"

Finn immediately rolled his eyes, groaning aloud, "Oh, for the love of—!  _Cut the nonsense and just say it, Princess!_ I already know the answer!"

His words broke like waves upon a stony jetty, and told of the answer he believed Bonnie had.

The ache inside of her twisted, twisted, until snapping in half—she didn't blame him for feeling this way, not even a little. Bonnibel was responsible for allowing it to fester so long, naturally.

 _I had this whole thing planned,_ she remembered saying, in her last phone message to Finn. Oh, how Bonnie wished she wasn't such a coward and just talked to him about it back then.

Or even explain herself in that last phone call, as planned. It'd have been so much easier than in person.

"Finn…" she mustered the courage to say these next words, "… _please_ , Finn, can't we just forget about it like we've always done?"

 _So courageous. SO selfless,_ both halves of her psyche mocked in tandem.

She forgot to even ignore them upon hearing Finn instantaneous reply—"I never forgot about it,"—in a low, deadly voice.

The invisible hand already clutching her heart clenched into a fist.

"And we're talking about this  _now_."

Bonnie scrambled for something to say—whatever sounded right, she said it. "F-Finn, I was thirteen! The stuff we did, the things that I'd said, I didn't  _know_  any better! My mind was stuck on a lower maturity level than normal! I  _couldn't_  have acted with such hindsight in mind—no one does!" And that was the truth, or what she was willing to disclose, at least. "And I  _know_  that's no excuse, but-"

"So you're saying that everything was  _pointless_?" Finn snapped, palms out. "That I should just accept all the stuff we did together was just  _that_? Some immature  _stuff_?"

"What?!  _No_! Finn,  _of course_ that time we shared was special!"

Bonnibel was shocked—did he not remember how much she utterly  _adored_  spending time with him? Just being a kid, not having to worry over every little thing!?

"If it really mattered, then you would have at least given the courtesy of freaking  _telling me that_! Like  _once_ , at least!? Instead of leaving me to wonder for almost  _four freaking years!?_ "

 _"_ _Finn?_ I'm—!" she choked, hand upon her aching chest. " _I'm_ —"

Her fingers tightened into a fist.

"...I'm sorry…" she murmured, gaze dropping.

Bonnibel took a deep, shuddering breath.

"I  _never_  should have pretended that what happened didn't," she explained, light and gently. "I…"

 _I was afraid,_ the incessant tug in her chest would not allow her to say.  _Afraid of acknowledging what I did, how I behaved. Especially towards you, my hero._

Merely thinking this much scared her, as if simple musings are suddenly validated as fact.

After much hesitation, Bonnibel had to anticlimactically leave him with just a forceful, " _I'm sorry_."

He reacted as well as anyone in his position would be expected to.

"That's  _it?_ " he cried, genuinely expecting something more. "You know how many  _hours_  I've spent  _thinking_  about this, Bubblegum!? In moments of doubt, wondering if you cared about that time as much as  _I_ did? You're  _way_  too late to apologize for this now!"

She didn't dare pick her gaze up off the ground. "You're right. I'm sorry," she whispered, trembling inside.

In her peripherals he shook his head, bewilderment rigid upon his face.

"And now, you're telling me it  _mattered_ to you  _just_  as I'm ready to leave your service, where you've done literally  _nothing_  but  _everything_  you could to keep me on your leash? If it honestly mattered  _so much_  to you, then why act like it never happened  _AT ALL!?"_

This demand, already on edge about the topic before his callous treatment of the matter, frightened Bonnibel into lashing out with a painfully transparent resolve.

It was enough to muster a confident firmness like always. "There's nothing more to say,  _Finn_! I loved that time we spent together, okay!? And I'm  _sorry_  that you were hurt! I didn't know any better—but that's it! I mean, how many smart decisions did  _you_  make when you were thirteen,  _huh_?" A beat passed, where it struck Bonnie that she lied to Finn, at least partially. Now, of all times, no less.

"I-I don't have to tell you anything else!" she reaffirmed.

For an instant, Finn looked utterly horrified. And then he screamed _, "Yes! Yes you do!"_

"You can't  _force me_  to tell you  _squat_!"  _I'm not telling you this. Not here, not now._  "Just accept that I loved the time we spent together, but I have my reasons for never wanting to talk about it!  _Private_  reasons! Reasons that concern  _me_  and not  _you_!  _So just butt out already, Finn_!"

"You really expect me to buy that!?  _Really!?_  After everything, you expect me to just swallow this without question!?" Bonnie, one upon a time, would have hoped the strength of their friendship would convince Finn to believe her when she said this was better off forgotten.

But instead he accused, "I thought we were being honest!"

Bonnie's defense was akin to a wounded, cornered animal.  _"I am! I've always been honest, FINN!"_

"Then why did you lie to me?!" He stomped forward, eyes flashing wetly.

Her eyes stung. The answer almost belted out of her, but mental walls forced them down. "Th-That's none of your business!"

 _"_ _Yes it is!"_ Finn roared, tears spurting from his eyes. " _WHEN IT INVOLVES ME AND MY FEELINGS,_ _ **IT IS MY BUSINESS!**_ _WHY DID YOU TELL ME YOU WANTED TO BE WITH ME!? WHY DID YOU LEAD ME ON LIKE THAT?!"_

" _F'hinn—!"_

**_"_ ** **_WHY DID YOU_ ** **KISS ME** **_, BUBBLEGUM!?"_ **

" _IT'S BECAUSE I'M A SCREW-UP, OKAY FINN!?"_


	11. Everything (Pt 6)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her delusions come toppling over, as Bonnie faces the truth: of herself, her legacy, and her darkest, innermost, truest feelings.

Bonnie's voice rang the hollowness of her bedroom, smothered immediately with the harmony of her and Finn's soft panting. Tears that she scrambled to rub away burst from her eyes—so thick she couldn't make out Finn's expression, and forgot about him and everything else in the world.

She only felt it all, everything inside, crashing down and burning into ash.

"I  _always_  mess up, Finn!" she cried, gesturing with both hands. "I act without  _thinking_ , and I  _think_  without feeling, and that's the best I can  _possibly do,_  because I'm not  _like_  you!  _I don't have_  this, this  _latent ability_  to mess up and then laugh it off like it's no big deal! I, I don't possess the  _freedom_  that you do - to let your conscience guide you and feel  _good_  about it, too! Don't you  _get it_ yet!? Don't you  _see_  why I'm such a  _failure_  of a friend!? It's because I can't afford to let _anything_ get in the way of keeping  _my people_   _SAFE_!"

In a flash of recollection, she was back in the the entrance hall of her castle - when Ice King infected her kingdom with Freezer-Burn Flu. Even now, years after the fact, and knowing who Ice King was before putting on the crown, she felt perfectly fine with the idea of beating the tar out of him if it meant curing her candies.

That is, until, she remembered Finn.

How he showed Bonnie that she was not only being narrow-minded, but also incredibly cruel. Even to a wad like the Ice King.

Bonnie, a palm already upon her brow, slowly lowered her face to meet the other. An air-starved sob tore from her upon touchdown, gasping from the horrible ache reborn within her breast.

"And look where that's gotten me! All I've done, all I ever  _do_ , is push everyone away—Marceline, my people, and now  _you,_ Finn!" She tossed a hand his way. "My  _loyal_  hero, my  _stalwart_  protector—even  _you_  feel like I never cared! I mean, how does anyone  _but me_  mess up  _that FREAKING_ _ **BAD**_!?"

She heard her own voice break, felt her very being deteriorate—as if something heavy pressed upon her, ground her into dust—yet it never occurred to the princess that she was actually speaking aloud; that Finn was here, and could hear her every word.

Venom soaked her words. "My  _stu-hupid_   _brain_  makes me just  _forget_ , forget about  _everything_ that doesn't concern my people's welfare! I mean, the whole reason why I even  _made us_ into  _stupid_  kingdom _—the whole reason why I ever became a_ stupid _princess—_ was so that I could keep them safe!" Bonnie smacked a palm against her swelling breast as she said, "That's  _it,_ Finn _—that's my LIFE!_ Every single _minute_ , of  _every single_ day, knowing something  _awful_  might happen to them if I go and indulge in my- _self_  like a normal freaking person! So I can't _risk_  distracting myself from protecting my peeps! I just forget about everything else, and then everyone I care about is pushed  _away_!  _BY ME!_ "

Bonnie laughed, choked, really, in utter disbelief. "All these years, making sure to never let this happen again." She 'laughed' once more. "Thought that, that I've actually been doing things  _right_  after kicking King of Ooo to the curb! And what happened? I went and did it anyway! Never realizing, didn't even  _occur_  to me, that I was doing it again... when it's so  _hilariously obvious_  that I was! I mean, how could've I been so…  _so_ …  _STUPID_!? Why am I  _like this,_  that I never realized just how  _wretched_  I always was!?"

"P-Princess—"

She whirled on him, hearing his voice: the boy who actually felt  _bad_  for showing someone like her the truth.

"You think you messed up here, Finn!?" It didn't even reach Bonnie, just what she was doing; blind to the haunted look in his eye. "You think you're in the wrong, for calling out my horrible character!?"

She only felt. She felt, and never stopped feeling it, deep inside: a burning five-hundred years' in the making.

"For 'hurting me' by accident? Well I hurt people all the time, Finn! I hurt them, and I don't even think about it! Sometimes with intent,  _all the time_  by accident—including the people that I love _—and it's all to protect my babies_ ,  _AND I STILL HURT THEM ANYWAY, FINN!"_

A beat passed.

The mental walls Bonnie had prided herself of being master craftsman, had turned out to be quite shoddily put together—the second that ticked by in silence forced her to reflect, to comprehend what had just left her lips, akin to a blow to the chest: fracturing her walls and tearing them down until, half a heartbeat later, it hit her.

Bonnie's throat was afire, and she shuddered tearfully as she looked to Finn, everything spoken echoed back within a single, heart-pounding instant.

In a loud, haunting whisper, Bonnibel realized, "I… I hurt them anyway…"

Her eyes slid over to meet the aghast of Finn's.

"I…  _hurt_  them, Finn…"

Pained moans all around.

Over twenty beds filled.

 _"_ _It's just soda! I-I'm not gonna—… I'm_ sorry _…"_

_"_ _Your presence is making several of the patients a little… uneasy."_

Bonnie's eyes darted, hearing herself and Poundcake over and over, before she was suddenly gaping at the hands used to hurt everyone she cared about. "I hurt them, _"_ she murmured, "I hurt them! Oh, Oh my Glob, Finn  _I_   _hurt them_!"

It was all a cycle.

This relentless, awful loop comprised of arrogance, aloofness, heartache… held by Bonnie herself, either end in hand.

It was her, it was always her. That magic man, what he said all those years ago, was absolutely right:

_I brew my own chaos._

She clapped her hands to her forehead and wailed  _"I hurt them!"_ once more before all strength fled her, and she collapsed on her rear, clutching at handfuls of gooey hair. " _Oh Glob, oh Gloh-hob! I hurt them, Finn! I hurt them I always HURT THEM!"_

She looked to him, horrified. _"_ I hurt my _babies!"_

Her entire body convulsed with a single, air-starved sob.

 _"_ _I, I wanted to_ protect _them…! But I-h'I ended, h'up, hur-urting the-hem!"_ Bonnie wheezed, utter horror on her face, swelling her breast as she fought to breathe, tiding the flow threatening to build behind her eyes.

Why go to Finn, still? What would he do?

He just stood there, gaping, gawking.

He wasn't going to help, he didn't have to. Not when he left her service a month ago, was no longer her hero.

Not that he was wrong—anyone in his shoes would have acted the exact same way. Actually, Finn handled himself better than how the vast majority would. Yet, he was never a part of that group anyway, opting to instead cut Bonnie out of his life altogether, because, despite everything, he knew he would believe her, eventually.

She always admired how pure his spirit was. And now he might not trust anyone ever again. That was her fault, after all. She destroyed his trust, annihilated his loyalty to her.

Single-handedly ruined their friendship.

Just like with her Candy People: she outright  _terrified_  them now, caught them in senseless crossfire.

Get-well card be darned, she still  _hurt_  them,  _mutilated_  them…

_And when they wanted King of Ooo instead of me…_

…it was because of  _her_  - she  _made them_  think she didn't  _care_.

_Just like with Marceline. Just like with Finn._

Bonnibel fell into her hands, and she shrieked as hard as she could - trailing off into a ragged whimper.

Her breath caught - she choked, coughed. Then she gasped, startled when the presence of another suddenly materialized beside her before she could round up another cry. They closed their arms around her shoulders and squeezed before she could comprehend it fully.

"I'm sorry!" Finn murmured, his voice small and panicking as he uttered once more, "I'm sorry…" and then, "I believe you, I believe you.  _Please_  stop crying like this Princess,  _please_ , I believe you, I believe you,  _just stop, please_ …"

Bonnie was positive he didn't—not truly, not in the same way he once did. But the sheer fact that he was trying to console her, after everything…

She only failed him once more.

Her cries were ugly - repetitious and rapid and hoarse, each one more immense and harsh than the last until she was hacking her nonexistent lungs out.

Bonnie relished in his presence all the while, ashamed at the comfort it brought. But it wasn't enough, for inside, she still felt so incredibly hollow, empty - like a piece of her was missing. She leaned into his embrace to try and fill it, gracelessly clamping her arms around his torso. With a muffled "Oof!" he was squeezed against her, fiercely hugged, and even so that didn't help.

 _My hero,_ echoed Bonnie's last thoughts, where she could only see the shining gold of Finn's hair rushing up to meet her, before all else drowned out.

In darkness, she drowned herself in memories, recalling the years she spent with Finn at her side—his loyalty like steel, never poised to betray her, ever; nor abandon the kingdom, even now, despite everything she'd done. Even with something as incriminating as her video camera, which both Finn and Jake had apparently found—

Bonnie would have gasped sharply, had she possessed the breath to do so.

 _Jake…_ she remembered.

Amidst all this heartache, Bonnie had nearly forgotten that she lost two friends, not just one. She will never again taste Jake's cooking, laugh at how mad he'd get on Game Night, or bust a gut at one of his jokes…

A horrible cry was muffled by Finn's hair. She buried her cheek into it and gulped husky, uneven gasps of air, trying desperately to control herself. Yet she tried again, failed, and tried once more after that, all while feeling a hand stroke her back steadily, from down to up, up to down; it helped her from screaming outright.

 _It's okay, PB,_ was how she read it, aware of how loving the motions were, their gentleness and familiarity.  _That isn't going to happen, because I'm here, and I won't let you be alone._

Even in her current state, it wasn't enough for the princess to fall for it. After today she knew, Finn would never again be available to call upon whenever she needed him.

Nigh-seven years, he swore his own life for hers—devoting himself to her as knights of old once did.

Even after so long, the memory of that day surged emotion within Bonnie. That which brought her so much happiness, and only now made her weep bitterly into his soft mane of hair. Like touching a hot stove, a phantom pain shot across her chest upon recollection, like a sword slashing at her, and forced herself to cease remembering it altogether.

Perhaps if she bothered to remember it every once in a while, and actually gave voice, acknowledgement, to her feelings, then perhaps this wouldn't ever have happened.

With a thick snuffle, Bonnie lifted her head, and gently moved Finn away from her, so she could see him fully. Knelt before her, his eyes were red, his hair as voluminous as it was fluffy, splayed about his splotchy, dampened face, upon his shoulders.

He looked horrible, but when his eyes met Bonnie's after a little hesitation, she knew he felt even worse.

" _I-I'm, not… tryna, convince you, but…"_ Bonnie snuffled, uncaring that she sounded so pitifully fragile, "I am so…  _so_  sorry, Finn."

"I'm…  _just so ashamed, of what I did_!" she wept, her hands clenching the sleeves of his t-shirt. "You never,  _ever_  should have experienced what I put you through—and I am so, so  _sorry_  that you did! That I toyed with your emotions for so many years,  _and been a bad frie-hend to you, an' hurt y'hou!"_ she practically squealed.

Her gaze dropped and she shut her eyes—shallow, exhausted sobs wracked Bonnie's shoulders.

"Finn," she breathed, not daring to meet his gaze again, "there is nothing…  _nothing_ , that I want more right now, than for you to forgive me…"

"I don't even care if you don't want to be my hero again _, I jus' wa-hant you to_ —!" Bonnie couldn't finish, she just didn't know how; especially with how blatant a lie that just was.

But Finn didn't need to know that. He didn't deserve to have that on his conscience.

Bonnie gulped. "I don't,  _trust myself_ … not to make the same stupid mistakes again," she admitted, and that was that truth. "I mean, for Pete's sake, I never even realized what I'd done to you! How can I even  _try_  to promise that you'll be happy if things go back to normal!?"

The princess, finally, opened her eyes—they met with those of silent shock.

"…And that  _scares_  me," she breathed. Even at low volume, her voice still reverberated in the vast emptiness of her bedroom. "I'm so scared of hurting you, because I don't trust myself not to do it again…"

Finn's voice was faint in her ears. "You… You really never  _knew_?"

Hearing the question, it swelled something inside Bonnibel until it hurt. She let her face crumple before embracing Finn once more, gently this time, despite knowing this an invasion of his personal space still, recalling his repeated denials of her advances.

His muscles were relaxed, soft neath her fingertips; his nigh-limitless store of energy depleted, he resembled more of a big ragdoll than her hero as she squeezed him hard - a silent begging of forgiveness conveyed in its fierceness.

So consumed in his tangible presence, that Bonnibel almost,  _almost_  missed the looming horror that'd tainted Finn's inquiry:  _You… You really never_ knew?

She pulled him away once more, looking him dead in the eye.

"Finn, I've— _loved_ —the time we spent together... a-always! You have  _no_  idea—!" Bonnie choked, gasping. "I was just so  _baffled_! Just so taken aback, your assuring that I was  _lying_! I mean, I couldn't even  _think_  straight!" Bonnie smiled, wearily, as a symptom of her enthusiasm.

It was whisked away a second later, remembering why she was saying this in the first place.

"I had no idea, how it appeared… How it seemed like, like I cared so  _little_ , about  _any_  of it…" She shook her head - beyond ashamed. "And realizing, that I've been so horrible? That you'd be a fool  _not_ to think such things…?" Tears surged forth, flooding her eyes as they met with Finn the millionth time.

Her voice had to be terse for clarity: "…That was the  _worst, feeling I'd ever had…_ "

She didn't breathe as she watched Finn's eyes widen, then wander - searching her face. When his head started to shake in denial, Bonnie was unsure of what he saw, beyond the tears which stuck to her bubblegum skin.

His voice was so quiet when he spoke, so utterly meek and broken, that Bonnibel almost missed it entirely when he asserted, more to himself than any one person,  _"_ _Th-The real, PB… The_ real _, Princess, would_ hate  _me…"_

Bonnie sulked further hearing this, seeing the product of Finn's denial, her carelessness, silently dribble down his cheeks. She caressed them with gentle hands, ensuring he wouldn't look away when their eyes met and she told him, "I could  _never_  hate you, Finn; you  _know_  that…"

 _'_ _Right?'_ she lacked the heart to clarify.

For an instant, Finn absorbed what was given.

The one that followed, his eyes inaudibly filled with tears.

Bonnie expected those, was ready for them—not personally, though; she would never forget the images from today. Not with the knowledge of their cause.

But even she couldn't foresee Finn, with a sob bubbling past his lips, actually dive into her chest and bury himself within the fabric of her baggy tee. Albeit taken aback, she wasted no time in closing herself around him, returning with mirroring ferocity, starved for a comfort only one other could provide. Finn clumsily fell into her, his legs splayed out behind him.

 _"_ _Y-You, should, ha-ate me!"_  he wept into her breast. Bonnibel didn't even think when she enveloped him in her arms. " _Why, don't you hate me, like anyone else would?"_

She felt warmth soak through her shirt, and couldn't care any less. Bonnie's fingers clutched her elbows, he was enveloped so.

" _You're f-fa-hayking!_   _This!"_ he sniveled, and she squeezed it out of him. " _You have,_  to be faking it! B'cause you know,  _that-I can't_ —!" Finn choked, coughed, his scrawny body wracking against her. Bonnie's rubbing turned to patting, though her shushes fell on deaf ears as he rambled over her, "I ca—I can't, live my life, without this, Princ- _hess_!"

Bonnie's hand clenched into a fist, herself struggling to swallow her own sobs.  _He's terrified of believing me, yet he wants to, regardless if it's fake or not._

"I dunno, what to  _do_ —I've _, just been so, un-happ-hyyy_!"

She didn't know what to say. Never in her life, not even minutes ago, had Princess Bubblegum felt this useless.

The best she could think of was to start hushing him, gently, like one of her candies, and he quieted eventually, at least a little—yet this felt different to Bonnie, and she couldn't ascertain why, except that the situation was entirely different.

A feeble pushing was felt against her shoulders, as Finn cried,  _"Why… do-hon't, you,_ hate  _me!?"_

"I don't hate you, Finn, I don't hate you," she murmured, reaffirming a one-armed hug while rubbing small, slow circles into his back, "I don't hate you, I could  _never_  hate you…"

Finally he shoved himself away from her, aghast. "I've hurt you so much!" he wept, his voice breaking while taking in her shattered expression. "How are you not even mad?!"

He didn't give her the chance to answer as he inhaled sharply, shakily, and squeezed his eyes shut and scowled before tearing himself away, scrambling to put space between the two of them, all without uttering much more than a squeak.

Bonnie's entire body shuddered upon exhaling—Finn's presence, suddenly gone; ripped away from her just as she feared before. Her eyes roved across every curve and bruise of her skinny thighs trying to find him, too frantic to realize just how stupid she must have looked before they shot up to meet his own.

Or try to, at least.

She found him sitting, with his back to her and hugging his legs, judging from the hunched posture.

Immediately Bonnie set upon her hands and knees, reaching out with hesitant fingers and a million inquiries exploding into her curious mind, as she was wont to do, all of them culminating into a lead ball bearing sitting in her gut that stopped her inches short of grasping his shoulder.

She wished to voice them all—if only one, just a single question, felt good enough to justify torturing Finn further. But to ask what she did wrong would be fruitless; asking  _what_  was wrong, a stupid question she already knew the answer to. And just approaching him to resume their hug, starved for the physical-emotional contact she denied herself for years, now in ways she never, ever had before in her life…

No, she would not overstep her boundaries again. Especially with Finn so conflicted, so fragile, regardless of the truth that terrified him…

And just like that, a thought struck Bonnibel. A thought that, in a matter of seconds, mutated into a plan.

She'd many in her life, these plans. Most of them turned out bad, although Bonnibel, once upon a time, would deny such claims, excuse herself by blaming others or being above the sheer simplicity of the problem.

But this was too good not to try:  _He needs to understand…_

Bonnibel took a deep, deep breath, held herself statue-still for a moment before expelling it all in a soundless sigh, alongside any lingering doubts or reservations she still might have—this was as much for herself as it was for Finn, she thought; something she had to tell herself more than once.

_He needs to understand just how important he is to me._

On her hands and knees still, Bonnie wet her lips—hesitating despite it all.

She was afraid, afraid of herself and the truth, even though Finn would obviously never judge her for such insecure pettiness. And the princess berated herself with an epic poem of curses because of that. Although anyone like her would falter in the face of such honesty, having never been so open to anyone before, especially themselves.

"…" Bonnibel's mouth opened, contorting rigidly, but something willed her throat to close on itself, and she choked soundlessly.

She wasn't even sure of where to begin, or  _how to_  no less.

But when she looked to Finn, who still wasn't aware of how close she was, her heart ached with a great many things.

Some much, much older than others—and in the face of everything she'd admitted already, there was no way Bonnie could pretend it wasn't there, like always.

Her heart weighed with a heaviness, then—this one familiar as an old friend. Bubblegum's eyes widened slightly, realizing where to finally begin.

She didn't give herself the chance to develop reservations.

"I'm unhappy too."


	12. Everything (Pt 7)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn realizes how much he truly means to Bubblegum, and at the same time she does too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this story, Food Chain is canon. You'll see why. Please enjoy, and tell me what you think below!

Bonnie's voice cut ruthlessly through the quiet of her bedroom; she flushed a little, hearing it writhe about before settling upon the two of them, heavily, and awkwardly.

She couldn't lift her gaze following such a revelation, but she saw Finn's body tense in her peripherals—she was unsure if it was from the suddenness of it, or if he was truly listening, and reacted.

She couldn't help but wonder: What did he think of Princess Bubblegum now, after hearing this? Did he even believe her?

Bonnie shook her head, trying not to think about it, lest she back away now and never find such brazen courage again. Yet she spoke with that of a kitchen mouse, soft as possible, in little more than a rumble passing through her throat—raw still, and imposed with a gentle, burning soreness from before:

"I mean, I'm not  _always_  unhappy. Please don't think that—I'm rarely  _not_  happy, actually, but…"

Her hoarse voice trailed off, wondering what compelled her to say any of  _that_ to Finn, as if he's someone who would actually  _judge_  her.

"But that doesn't mean there've not been any…  _lulls_ , in my life, where… where e-every, everything  _seems_  to actually be  _okay_ , you know? If only on a surface level, because… when you dive in, and you see the grime underneath, then you  _realize_  I… Oh," Bonnie sighed, "I sound so  _foolish_..."

"I've never talked, like…  _this,_  before, about this heavy, janked-up stuff. I don't know  _how_ , never  _had_  anyone to, ever…" Silence continued to answer her confessions. Bonnibel suddenly felt hot underneath her shirt—she didn't know what she was expecting, and in hindsight it was selfish of her to assume Finn would still readily come to... to do  _something_.

"I'm not unhappy," she reassured him, sitting back on her heels, hands running down the length of her thighs, then up them again. "Not truly _, I can't be_  anyhow. But-But whenever I  _feel_  that way, I  _forget_  a lot of the time, forget that I…"

"…That I should be losing my mind," she finished quietly. Bonnie thought Finn had come to hug her once more, before realizing a beat later that it was herself.

"I  _make myself_ forget, you know?  _That's_  what I mean, Finn—I'm  _not_  unhappy, because I'm not  _allowed_  to be: 'You don't leave your heart exposed,' that's what I've always said. So I  _shouldn't_  be, and I've accepted that a long time ago. 'Cause there are good days, and there are bad days,  _always_ — _that's_  life. It's always,  _always_  up to you to decide how to take life's punches, and my people  _depend_  on me to shield  _theirs_. Because, no one else will! Because no one else  _can!_  So I  _can't_  let myself get  _caught up_  in such petty,  _human_ —!"

Bonnibel seized herself before finishing, but she'd already risen her voice, and, realizing what she was saying, she'd already failed.

Again.  _This was supposed to be about him, and I just went and made it about me._

A deep, voice straining sigh conveyed all the frustration she felt inside, all with two fingers clamped over the bridge of her nose, neither alleviating the rate at which her stomach turned over on itself, nor the weightiness upon her heart.

"I'm sorry."

Shame rocked Bonnie's head to and fro, before herself returning focus back to Finn—he'd not moved, not even a little. The princess tried her best not to feel anything beyond the twisting of her bubblegum innards.

"You see what I mean, Finn?" she asked, limp hands turned upright. "You see now, what I've always  _been like_? Never realizing what I do until  _after_  the fact? After the damage is  _done_ and the only thing I can do is apologize like a complete  _bozo_? I get…  _just_ … just so…" she held two hands groping at something solid, round, and invisible before her, " _so_ ,  _unstable_! With myself… That I fall into these sort of  _spirals_  where I can only focus on the problem in front of me—and as you know, the Candy Kingdom is one  _big_ , mondo problem! So my brain  _forces_  me to  _focus_  on these problems! To pour all my ego, my attention, my entire  _being_ into rectifying them, because,  _I just can't stand_  having things go wrong when it's  _totally_  in my power to fix them!"

She didn't realize she was yelling again.

"I mean, look at me! Look at how much I've  _harassed_  you over this! The phone calls, just how  _desperate_  and  _pitiful_  I've been acting—it took me forever to actually  _do something!_ Something other than think about what it is that  _I'd_ done to make you wanna leave me! And of course, it just  _never_  occurs to PB that she  _maybe might be_  the one responsible! And I did that _, all of that,_  without  _ever_  sparing so much as a  _fraction_  of comparable thought for any outliers—which, by the way, is  _everything else_! And that  _always_ , leads  _me_ , to  _screwing up_  in one form or another, and I HATE IT!"

_And I just did it again. Even after realizing it, I still made it about excusing myself instead of trying to help Finn._

Bonnie, for several, still moments, panted with distraught fixed upon her face: she absorbed this realization, felt her shame.

And she shook her head, forgoing it.

"…But that's  _me_ ," murmured the princess. "It's who I am, and I'm fine with it…"

Another sigh—despite admitting this, her heart, although lacking one and shouldn't be feeling this at all, weighed heavily.

She might never understand why.

But Bubblegum set it aside, returning her gaze back to what was real: Finn, still unmoved, and a different, familiar, sharper pain wormed its way into her attention.

"I wish that things were different, though," she said, and it squirmed seemingly in agreement.

Bonnibel gazed off to the carpeting beside her lap.

"I wish  _I_  was different, sometimes..."

Her voice was so soft, that if the room weren't crypt-quiet already, it would surely be obscured.

"Then, maybe, if I  _was_ … you know…  _happy,_ all the time," the pang in her chest swelled, "with my life and whatnot, then…" amplifying so suddenly, so tremendously, "then maybe I…  _maybe…_  I…" she could hardly breathe, "I would never… have…  _kissed…_   _you…_ "

Her chest ached, it was almost unbearable, and the fingers she pressed against it helped little. So entranced was she, lost within the memory, the feeling it invoked—shame and joy, and further shame for even remembering it fondly—eliciting a warmth Bonnie only faintly recalled upon her lips: an old, forgotten memory as a result of mentally skipping over five years.

Some days she thought, hoped really, that it wasn't real.

It occurred, then, to Bonnibel, that her eyes had wrenched themselves shut, and arms entangled themselves around her person—her own, once again. Such meager comfort was all she could do to prevent excusing herself once more.

" _Maybe if I was_ ," she sighed, "Then  _maybe_ , I would have done the re-agifying process sooner. Maybe if I was, then I'd never,  _ever_  have hurt you like this."

She breathed in, heavily, and Bonnibel angrily admitted, " _Maybe_ , if I was  _happy_  with my life, then I'd have been a lot more  _eager_  to actually  _resume it_!"

"But I didn't do that,  _did I_? And you know  _why_ , Finn?  _It's because I'm selfish;_ it's because I  _willfully_  preferred to  _neglect_  my kingdom, to  _toss aside_  my responsibilities! Actually thought it'd be a good idea to  _kiss_ you _,_ basically  _teasing_  you, and _hurting_ you _;_ doing everything I could  _think of_  to get Lemongrab to  _leave_ , instead of what I  _should have done_  from the freaking _start_  because I—!  _I_ …"

"…"

Her mouth closed, slow, and wordlessly, as did the tears that'd sat in her eyes for so long finally spill over.

And Bonnibel Bubblegum uttered in a harsh, shaky whisper:

" _Because I'm not happy with my life, Finn_ …"

Her hands found themselves clutching each of her shoulders. "I love my people," she breathed, "and I love myself… I'm not  _un-_ happy _,_ and I'm rarely  _not_  happy, but… it's so… so  _hard_ , sometimes, being Princess Bubblegum…" Her voice wavered.

She didn't realize it, but the slight sting in her shoulders was her skin being punctured.

"Never in my life," Bonnibel murmured, "before, or  _since_ , have I known what it was like to live  _normally_ … To not have these fears and pressures and anxieties bottled away and saved for  _never_ because…" She stopped herself just short of mentioning the sake of her people once more.

All the while, her inquisitive mind couldn't help but wonder: What did Finn think of all this? What did he think of Princess Bubblegum now?

"Finn…" Bonnie audibly gulped, "the reason, that I kissed you…"

She couldn't stand it any longer, his eyes: those damnable, judgemental  _eyes_ , even if they weren't looking at her, she knew he was listening,  _he must be_.

" _The reason that I kissed you_  was… because…"

Her own squeezed shut, as tight as they could, and her brain had to turn itself off so she could finally admit to him and the world aloud:

"…was because, I was  _thirteen_ …"

She didn't dare try and meet Finn's gaze after that, even if his back was still to her. When her eyes slowly peeked open, her gaze was to the floor. It was the only place she deserved to look, after admitting this to him.

"I kissed you, because I  _care_  about you," she didn't quite know how to express that, however, "and… I knew, that you'd like it… and, I knew, that we'd never get the chance again."

Bonnie huffed, bitterly. Despite those being truths, none of them felt as such.

"I didn't  _think_  about how this would look from  _your_  perspective. I thought it as this romantic, bittersweet farewell—for what might have been or what  _could have_  been, not even realizing the consequences until I was suddenly old enough to instinctively  _know_  them!"

"Because in my immature state of mind, all of that  _actually_   _sounded_  like a  _good idea_! And isn't it just the most ironic thing? That what I thought would be a meaningful gesture, ended up tearing you apart? Because the moment I turned eighteen, I  _knew_  that I messed up big time. I mean,  _kissing_  you? Completely overstepping my boundaries as both your princess and your friend?"

Bonnie's head shook. "...I just couldn't deal with it," she admitted with shame. "My sole instinct was... was to immediately  _push_  it away, to pretend that it never happened: go back to normal, and everything will be alright, right?"

Her forced smile, so weary in its exertion, crumbled on the spot.

"…And I did so without  _ever_  considering how it made you feel. I didn't do it because I loved you Finn, I didn't  _do it_  to, to  _keep you_  at my  _heel_ , or  _mess_  with your  _head_ , or whatever horrible, completely understandable conclusions you might have reached."

"I kissed you because I had my own reasons for it—I did it because I  _wanted to_ , because I'm  _selfish_ , and I'm a  _screw-up_ , and it practically cost me _everything_ , and I am _so, so sorry, Finn!_ "

"You deserve  _better_  than this!" she said, eyes turned to the ceiling. "I truly cannot fathom  _why_  you still hold such strong feelings for me, even though all I  _do_  is hurt you. Why you even  _wanna_  be with me, despite  _all_  that I'd done to you and  _didn't_  after so many years."

Although she felt utterly horrible, a certain lightness flushed the ache out of Bonnie's insides, if only slightly. As if this were the fabled relief of admitting the truth to oneself after so much denial.

Her eyes returned in her former hero's direction. "For what it's worth, Finn, I apologize. I'm sorry for being such a selfish, inconsiderate friend,  _and_   _you_ —"

She gasped wetly, but even with shuddering lips, Bonnie managed to utter clearly, "And you deserve  _so much better_  than me…"

She shook her head, hugging herself tighter amidst the ruination of her former life—the one she cared about so much, and yet did nothing to try and preserve it.

"P-Princess…"

_It hurts so much…_

"…Princess?"

Her name, in his voice, and spoken with such tremulous worry, at that…

Bonnie sucked in air, inadvertently sounding a small gasp as she glanced in his direction, and then did so once more, even softer, when suddenly met with his melancholy stare.

She'd expected him to say  _something,_ of course—but not with her title, not so gently, and certainly not kneeling in front of her, now, robotic hand groping his elbow, and looking to her with something other than contempt.

It made little sense to her, especially seeing him now, an utter mess: hair splayed about in a chaotic bushel of gold, eyes puffy and irritated. But Bonnie saw they were dry, at least, and for the first time today, she felt he was looking at her the way he always had: with the same boundless capacity to care, and she couldn't ascertain why.

Her confusion only deepened when he asked in a soft voice, "Was that all true?"

Bonnie went rigid, processing his question. A beat later she comprehended it—for all her brains and power, however, the best she could offer was a pitying smile and a sad little nod.

Her feeble smirk promptly crumbled, and the princess found her hands clutching the baggy sleeves of her tee hanging loosely at her elbows.

"I wish it wasn't," she murmured, gazing off. "I wish that I could invent a real time machine, go back to that day and undo everything that I did wrong… Do it  _right_  this time, be the friend you deserve to have—"

"N-No, not that…"

Bonnibel Bubblegum blinked.

Her face turned as pink as her namesake, but she didn't even notice as utter astonishment colored her mood. Torn violently from her pitying stupor, now she could only feel foolish for what was just said, so unscientific and unfeasible like a time machine, and therefore pointless to even  _think_  about—

"I… I think I understand all that." He swallowed his tender throat.

Bonnie had to do the same. Did he not even notice her shock? Was she that good at hiding it?

But only one question echoed repetitively within her dome:

_When did Finn get so mature?_

After all these years, this wasn't the reaction she anticipated _at all_.

So immersed in her own disbelief, that when Bonnibel came to, she comprehended Finn's mouth moving, contorting into words spoken in some garbled, messed-up language.

"—ay," he finished.

A beat passed before this occurred to her, and Bonnie thoughtlessly blurted out, "What?" and not very quietly.

He winced before her blush could fully overtake her, and Finn reacted, a little louder than before, " _I said that_ —," Finn seized up, relaxed, and then finished quietly, "that it's okay…"

A half-truth, the princess realized, when he glanced to the side for but a moment, swallowing.

"I mean… with all that other stuff…" he continued, "you weren't being…" his gaze fell, "being  _serious_ , about that… r-right?"

Bonnibel blinked, her confusion concealed behind a willfully blank disposition. " _Ahb_ …" She cleared her throat. "Abou-About what?" she gently rasped, her face dappled with a few stubborn tears.

Finn's hands folded over each other, obsessively nonstop. "About… um…" he grabbed his artificial elbow; his eyes flitted to hers, "…I mean, are you serious when you say you're unhappy?"

Princess Bubblegum didn't even notice his concern deepen when she forgot to visibly react.

It echoed in her head, herself grasping just what it is he'd asked. Nothing confusing or confounding about it; both have said far more shocking things to one another today, really.

It was so simple a question—so  _unexpected_ —that Bonnie struggled to find the words to answer it, let alone the capacity to comprehend her shock in time for a satisfying reply.

She would have remained dumbstruck for much longer, had her brain not screamed at her that Finn was  _asking_ this, and thus expected an answer.

"I… just poured my guts out to you, Finn." She sounded so faint and faraway in her own ears, or perhaps she felt this way. "Told you something so… just so dang  _scary_ , that in the back of my head, I was afraid of what would happen if I ever even  _acknowledged_  it, let alone to  _you_. Just  _w_ _hy_ … are you taking this so  _well_?"

Finn thought for a moment, because that was all he needed to give a sad, hesitant shrug.

Bonnie knew, then, the answer for herself, the "why" of it: it's because he was Finn. It's because he seldom put his own desires above those of others. And because he apparently cared  _so much_  about her own happiness, that it overpowered his ability to consider himself. Was it because of his knightly vows, held in as high of regard as his heroic responsibility to defend the downtrodden?

Or…

_Even after everything I'd done to him, he still cares about me this much?_

Bonnibel really, truly felt like it was the latter.

It just had to be—although she couldn't bear to let herself hope again.

Because hope was volatile; it could turn against her, burn her. Bonnie was afraid of hope, yet she hoped she was right, and she felt ready to burst into tears once more, had she possessed an ounce of energy left to spare.

She was just unsure if the bloating sensation that made it hard to breathe was either pity for the boy, or herself feeling so incredibly lucky, blessed even, for knowing someone like this.

"Why do you care?" she asked, and there was not a hint of malice or aggression in her tone.

She didn't realize how it looked to Finn, answering in such a way—as if inadvertently answering his question.

But this didn't occur to her until after she saw the hurt which finally came to surface—a different pain not for one's self, but another. She'd seen  _that_ enough from him to know what it looked like at a glance.

And it glistened wetly from the sparse light filtering through the balcony door. "I just," Finn gulped, audibly, "I just wanna know if you always felt this way…"

He spoke so faintly, as if ready to plunge into unconsciousness. Although certain he was tired from all the crying they both did, Bonnie was unsure of the emotion in his tone—he guarded himself closely, spoke with a forced neutrality like the day this whole mess started.

Bubblegum saw no other choice but to answer him as she had before: honestly.

And she did so with a sad smile. "Like I said, Finn: I never lied to you."

Not once, even amidst her spiraling descent into self-pity, did Bonnie forget her aim in even talking about all this.

"I wish it weren't, but I'm ashamed to say yes, everything back there was true."

_He needs to understand…_

"Even when I said I'm rarely  _not_  happy."

_He needs to understand just how important he is to me…_

Bonnibel hoped her smile came off as loving, and not pompous.

It was hard to get a read on Finn as he pushed his brows together, conveying nothing further. "But you…" his faint voice trailed off—recollection flashed across his eyes, and he pointed at her with a metal digit. "You  _said_  you were unhappy with your life." Some snippiness crept into his tone, "How's that, when you're usually pretty upbeat and stuff?"

Whether or not he believed she was lying now didn't even cross Bonnibel's mind—instead thinking she  _could_  go into yet another spiral explaining how such things shouldn't be taken as an indicator; how certain individuals mask their pain behind something like a cheerful façade, or a prankster's identity; people like Marceline, for instance.

But that neither applied to the princess, nor would it convince Finn of anything worthwhile, except imply that she was emotionally repressed, which couldn't be farther from the truth.

And besides, there was a much simpler, truer, far more meaningful answer in this very room.

"I'm surrounded by a lot of things that make me happy, Finn." Despite all her misgivings, just the thought of her people's smiling faces made her warm inside. Bonnie felt much the same looking at the boy before her. "Like you, for instance." Although any happiness turned to bitter ash sitting in her belly, remembering that was a thing of the past.

But she smiled regardless—a little bit harder, hard enough to crease the corners of her eyes; hard enough that even Finn noticed the rigidness in her expression, his brow quirking half an inch.

"What… do you mean?" he asked. And before it dawned upon Bonnibel completely, Finn tossed her to the finish line himself, throwing a hand in her direction, "How's  _that_  when you  _barely_  ever see me?"

Bonnie winced, just a little; he wasn't even yelling now, but the emotion that forced Finn's words rang in the stillness of her bedroom, and felt like a whip to the chest.

The princess's first instinct was to soothe him, and she did so with nothing else on her mind except to make a calming gesture with her hands, and the gentle cooing of, "Let me explain."

It only occurred to her right after, that she didn't know how. Bonnibel didn't know where to start before, instead going off on a tangent that became all about her and her problems.

 _He's giving me a second chance to explain myself,_ was the mental assurance needed to get her brain working again.  _I can't mess it up, I just can't. He can't leave me forever without understanding that I… I…_

Cared about him?

That she did, in fact, need him?

Or that she loved him?

All of those  _felt_ right _,_ but not one  _sounded_ so.  _But why?_

Bonnie didn't finish her thought, entirely focused on how she was left to, once again, tackle the impossible task of voicing feelings she'd never even thought about before. Her eyes wandered behind a slight smile, still plastered and partly opened in mid-thought.

By sheer dumb luck, she spotted it moments later: her answer.

Poised just to the side of his head, off on the right, no less; a picture frame upon her vanity which peered over his shoulder.

Something powerful surged through Bonnibel's chest—the seldom-felt, body-tingling sensation of nostalgia, which trembled her very core.

It morphed into something more, something that urged her to shoot up to her feet without another word.

"Princess?" Finn's eyes were wide and following, then his head, then his entire body until he was on his knees himself and facing her direction.

Although it was a few short steps away Bonnie broke into a light jog—he just needed to see this.

He needed to  _understand_.

She let out a breath, reaching it. Bonnibel so very wished she had a more concise, conventional way of expressing herself, but smiled despite it all.

She did love this picture.

Finn's presence was felt coming up behind her. She couldn't mistake it for anyone else's, even if they were in a crowded room—all the more so with her bedroom as quiet as this, the carpet masking his footsteps behind her.

Perhaps he was truly attempting not to be noticed.

The way he winced upon her whirling upon him, if only a slight twitch of movement, all but confirmed her suspicions. Bonnibel gave no indication that she was aware, too lost in the feeling of this memory from so long ago.

But she stole a sideways glance at Finn anyway, smile slight on her lips, and then stepped back so they were next to one another. Bonnie didn't mind leaning the picture to him, noticing Finn shuffle his feet, trying his best not to get too close.

"I had this colored, printed, and framed as soon as I got home." She still heard the printer whirring to life in her memory, spitting out this piece of paper, fresh warmth held in just the tips of her fingers, like a piece of fine china.

She hadn't known for how long she just stood there, admiring the memory, trying her best to sort out what had happened and realizing that night fell and the day was wasted by the time she'd snapped out of it.

"What… What  _is_ that?" Finn wondered, his guarded uncertainty clear. From the corner of her eye, Bonnibel caught his own flitting from her face to the photograph.

He frowned, trying to remember just when he ever sat at a piano, looking—Bonnie let out a shuddering sigh, and Finn must have noticed too, for he did the very same—looking so incredibly  _happy_.

His face was the epitome of bliss—as if he'd just figured out the meaning of life, and was singing it for all the world to hear.

In fact, he did.

And he  _was_.

His pleasure, however, paled in comparison to that of the one who accompanied him.

Sprawled across the piano, in a snazzy red dress to match his attire's pallete, was Bonnibel herself. No crown, no gown, no fake, plastered smile.

She was just happy. So happy, that Bonnie wanted to cry all over again just from looking at a photo. Except it wasn't the photograph itself that made her feel this way, it couldn't be, for it never had before.

So what made her feel so lost, looking at it now?

Why couldn't she feel the same way she did in the photo, looking so, stupidly at peace? Both of them, they were so happy here…

Sound came with the memory, and as the memorable ditty tickled her nostalgia once more, Bonnie remembered where from the moment taken: like Finn, she too was captured mid-wink, her mouth wide open, both belting out praises of a most amazing, wonderful, and excellent—

"I…  _remember_  this," breathed Finn.

Bonnibel eyed him, quietly surprised—she thought that he wouldn't, not completely anyway. Though behind a pursed smile, she couldn't help but wonder if he recalled it fondly.

The princess's smile broadened and bared teeth as the memory returned to her. "It was mega bizarre, Finn. You and Jake just wandered off, I don't see you for five minutes, and when I finally  _do_  you're  _clawing_  your way through museum! Crying about, needing  _water_  for an, an  _Erin's village_  or something… I asked you to stop playing around, but then you were just gobbling down gummy caterpillars by the handful."

Bonnie's face set suddenly with terror, and she mocked in a high-pitched voice, "'Finn, stop that! Think of the candy orphans for Glob's sake!'" A shy laugh sputtered past Finn's pursed, contemplative expression.

Bonnie giggled, forgetting to be thankful that all beyond her own recollection was forgone, allowing her to truly enjoy it. "I was a little worried! Considering you were never this enthusiastic about learning, I figured something was really dang  _wrong_  with you."

"I mean," Finn grimaced, "I only remember a little bit, but…" He shook his head, admitting, "I  _still_  don't really know what happened that day…"

Bonnibel offered her theory: "I've always assumed you ate something, and were tripping way the math out."

Finn shrugged, agreeing in a hoarse, quiet voice, "Yeah, probably. Jake must've snuck it into my sandwich, or…" His face screwed up for a moment, before untwisting abruptly, realizing. "Nope, naw,  _wait_ …" his eyes narrowed, " _I_  remember… being very, very  _hungry_ … and then I  _wasn't_ … when I was a  _caterpillar_ …"

A moment was allotted to process all of that.

Bonnie slapped her fingers to her lips. " _Buh'hee-hee!_  Yeah, nah, I don't know about any of that!"

"Then what happened instead?" Finn wondered.

Her smile quickly fled, whisking away any sort of mirth she'd just attained as the memory took a turn for the perplexing: one that was both a turning point, ascending from "another fun memory with Finn" to "so special that it had to be immortalized in a photograph," and was now, suddenly, a point for later pondering.

For Bonnie realized, in this instance, that there might be some bizarre, inexplicable grain of truth to Finn's side of the story.

The princess continued, "I was ready to come over there myself, to snap you out of it, but then you… you suddenly went all  _weird_ -stiff." She glanced to him, smiling, "Like some john's dropped an ice cube in your underpants, you know?"

Focus returned to the photo. "You just tore your clothes off, wearing— _m'hah_ — _that_ , underneath," her fingernail clicked upon its surface, "…and you go over to my piano, and ya just…"

Bonnie was no longer looking  _at_  the photograph, although her eyes bore into it. She felt faraway from it, as if her own spirit distanced itself from all the bad stuff and heartache of the now, so that it could emotionally relive the time when a human boy who continued to surprise her did the most unexpected thing he'd ever done.

"You… just started  _singing_ …" Despite the months between then and now, Bonnie was utterly astonished.

Not that she noticed—she just laughed, breathily. "You sang my silly little food chain song, except…" She frowned, struggling to explain herself, "But, you made it something so much  _better_ … More  _special_  and,  _weird_  that I just, I just  _had_  to join in…"

Those were all valid reasons toward her personal enjoyment of the song. But not one of them truly  _clicked_  with her—made her feel as if they were the reason why she enjoyed this entire memory so much.

_'_ _How natural, no waste, it's—an en-dless chaaain!'_

_'_ _What an a-ma-zing, won-der-ful, and-ex-cell-ent!'_

Bonnie's heart swelled with such intense, good feelings that she forgot she shouldn't be feeling anything at all.

"I love this memory," she declared. "I think this is one of my favorites, of us together."

Princess Bubblegum almost,  _almost_  had forgotten why she bothered remembering it in the first place.

Finn ensured that she didn't, however. "So… your favorite memory of us, is…" his quiet voice rose steadily, and annoyance seeped into it, "is me,  _spazzing_  the math out on Glob knows  _what_ , and randomly breaking out into song right in the middle of the museum?"

Bonnibel was thrust back into the present, so suddenly and unexpectedly, as if breaking through a pool's surface, face-first. When she looked to her hero, his face was tinted red—a deep pink, different from his splotchy cheeks as before.

"Finn, no…" she uttered quietly. Then, realizing fully what he was implying, his sheer dismissal of it, she couldn't help but feel shocked with his assertions. "No, no-no! Finn, tha-that's not it  _at all_!"

"Then what is it, Bonnie?" he cried, but not aggressively so—his fatigue, though audible, shone in his sunken, red eyes. "After everything we did together, why is  _that_ your favorite? I-It's so,  _stupid_  and lame, I-I don't see how you could even  _like_  something like that."

'Like that,' he said, as if Bonnibel were so hypocritical as to berate him for acting silly. Especially when she adored that about him.

"Finn, I  _love_ this memory! And I loved what you did there! You  _always_  do this—you do the craziest stuff, and it's  _so_ …  _so_  you!  _And I,_  I…"

She ran out of things to say. Bonnie exhaled sharply, shuddering, speechless after all that.

"Don't you understand why it's so special to me?" she asked quietly. It was all she could do, beg; beg and hope he'd fathom the depth of her love, even when she herself could not. "Don't you see yet why I… Why I  _need you_  to understand?" A fist pressed into her bosom.

Aggression spiked within her at the sight of Finn's persistent misery, "I don't—" he muttered; she stormed up to him, "I just don't see how—"

" _Thi-his!_ " she cried, desperation in her tone, and the urgency of which she drummed the photograph. "This is what I mean, Finn! I—I…" she deflated instantaneously, frustrated with trying to describe it all—the complexities inside which Bonnie couldn't begin to even understand for herself, let alone give voice to.

"This, is why… you're  _important_  to me, Finn!" she explained, enunciating every word. "This is why I care about you! I, I  _had_  to join you—I  _wanted_  too! Yes,  _I know_ : it was random, and it was  _strange_ , and we both looked weird as  _heck_  but I didn't give a toot because I  _loved_  that, and I enjoyed it too much to care!"

"And that's exactly it, PB—I don't understand! I don't  _get it_ , you're just describing this to me, and making it seem like, like it's the highlight of your life without explaining  _why_! What the flip's so  _special_  about this super-cringe mem?"

"You're missing the point, Finn! I—!"

Bonnie's mouth gaped, prepped to unleash yet another reactionary vomit of emotions had she not caught herself in the last instant, choking pitifully in the end when she realized,  _I don't even have a 'point' to make... I… I don't know_ how,  _not about this…_

She sunk into quiet, aware of Finn's unwaveringly hard gaze while also trying not to be.

Of course he'd feel this way. From his perspective, this memory isn't as glamorous as, say, the umpteenth time he's saved her from the Ice King.

 _Or when we snuck off during my last slumber party._ Yet another memory that Bonnie held dear—even more so than that time with the Door Lord, and their short-lived band group after. Of course, she loved none of these any more, or less, than all those times he'd come to her rescue.

In fact, she felt that same, lightweight feeling across many of the good times they've had together.

 _Wait,_ that very feeling rose, and rose as if trying to touch the sky, as she recalled those times and realized for herself,  _that's it…_

"Oh my Globness," she breathed. Her eyes flitted to the puzzled, guarded gaze of Finn, where she clarified, "That's  _it_. That's… why I…"

Her words died, but her smile only grew in tandem with the awareness that she was breathing deep.

 _"_ That's why I  _love_ this memory _,"_ she finished, "and, and  _these_ memories, Finn—a-all the times that we  _ever_ spent together, I've always treasured them! I do! Because, you were always just  _so cute_ , with how you were always willing to help me! To be my loyal little soldier, and, how you made me laugh and  _feel_  on w-what would just be another boring,  _bad_ ,  ** _busy_  **day! Do you  _understand_  me, Finn? Do you see why I care about what we have  _so much_?"

Bonnie was panting - her elation got the best of her, and she was getting ahead of herself and clearly overwhelming Finn, if his furrowed, shocked expression were of any indication.

Bonnie turned the photograph over to her former hero.

"I, I love this memory, Finn," she said with a pat on the picture frame, "because of how I  _felt_ , how… how you always manage to make me feel, even without ever intending it for yourself! Because whenever you do, it just makes me feel…  _I don't even know_ , lighter? Not as troubled?"

"I… I honestly can't explain it," Bonnibel admitted. Except she wasn't ashamed to admit defeat here—never, in front of Finn. "And,  _I know_ , that just looks  _incredibly_  suspect, and  _lame_ , but this is  _literally_  the  _best_  way I can describe it because I never thought about it before! But I… I  _remember_  what it feels like, and that's what matters, right?  _That's_  what's so  _meaningful_  to me! Because when you make me  _feel_  like this, it…  _distracts_  me. It makes me kinda f- _forget_ , you get me? Forget about all these  _fears_  and these  _problems_  just dogpiling me—where I enjoy the times we spend together because they trick me into feeling, for just a few hours, that nothing can  _ever_  go wrong! Even though it's scientific  _fact_  that it  _can_  and it  _will_  because that's how life  _is_  and  _I just don't know what I'm doing anymore-_!"

She took a deep, tremulous breath.

"Finn," Bonnie looked deep into his stunned, searching gaze, "I hope you believe me, when I admit that I cannot lie to you. Not now, not about this. Just the  _thought_  of me  _faking_ , any of this, to you… it  _disgusts_  me." She even spat the word, as if it slighted her. And it was true—her belly writhed at the notion, and suddenly she was so very worried that he would accuse her of doing just that, among her efforts to dissuade such thinking.

"However," she continued, trying to ignore it, "I can't lie, and say that I often think of times like these.  _Ever_. Because I don't…" She scrambled to correct herself, "N-Not because of a lack of caring! No,  _oh-hoh_  no, but, it's because I simply  _can't_. My position, the responsibilities, demands that I pour  _all_  of my being into them, like…" she trailed off, unsure of how to finish.

Bonnie's eyes squeezed shut. "I don't… spend, a lot of time… reminiscing about the past. I've lived a long…  _long_  life, Finn. Those twisty-straws you sometimes get in your drink?  _That's_  my life."

"So… what I'm trying to say is, or… what I'm attempting and  _failing_  to tell you, is that… what, I  _felt,_  in this memory?" She put a hand to her bosom, feeling it, even now. "What I experience, in these moments: whenever we play a  _game_ , or have  _dinner_  together, or I send your enthusiastic little self on a mission?"

Her smile, as did that light feeling, successfully fought to maintain itself when she found Finn's expression unchanged behind an emotionless, wide-eyed look.

Especially when she was aware of just how nonsensical she must sound to him.

And Bonnie didn't wish to stop, not even to catch her breath. "I…  _forget_ , I should be afraid— _you_ … make me forget, that I should be afraid! And at the end of the day, living in the moment: that's what matters, right?" She paused a beat, in case Finn reacted—he didn't even nod. " _I-h'I_  mean, that sounds so  _stupid_ , and weird, but  _I'm_   _weird_ , so it's okay I think, yeah? That-That's I why I love silly little moments like these!" She waggled the photo, the epitome of it all. "Because, for one, solitary moment, everything feels… just,  _alright_ , you know?" She couldn't even describe it anymore. Bonnie hunched over, so she was almost at eye-level with him. "Finn, you have  _no idea_  how important these are to me."

She hoped her desperation proved so, but even that didn't feel like enough. Finn just looked to her, stunned and confused, searching her face for something more.

"Please,  _please_  understand what I'm trying to say to you—because I _…_ I _don't!_ " she decided, as if only now realizing it for herself. "I don't, I just don't!  _I'm so bad_ , at being  _open_  like this! I don't know  _how_ , I've never  _done this_  before—I don't even know if what I'm saying  _sounds_   _right_  to you but just please— _please_  understand me when I ask if you know what it's like!"

She didn't even know what she meant by that, and neither did Finn: "Wh-What's like?" His voice was quiet, and her own lashed sharply against it.

"What it's like!" she cried. "What it's like, to… to  _have_  someone…"

She hugged the picture tight.

"To have  _someone_ , who you trust implicitly. Who you know will  _never_  turn their back on you, and will  _always_  have  _your's_ , and that makes bearing this messed-up, crazy world of ours just a _little bit_ easier, because... don't you  _understand_ , yet, Finn? Everything that I'm saying, all that I'm  _failing_  to say, you do all of this without even realizing it!"

She barely heard him mumbling, "…Just, like Jake… And Beemo, and Marceline and,  _and_ …" Finn sounded so lost and faraway, despite standing a foot away from her. He didn't even look as she closed the distance between them.

Bonnie recalled his first question, and the bizarre struggle to answer it. "Finn,  _of course_  we're friends," she breathed, cupping his face in both hands—when their eyes met, he looked to her as if seeing the princess for the very first time. "We were  _always_  friends, you're one of my  _only_  friends!  _Ever_! But… to just say  _that_ , before, it felt…" she corrected herself, " _I_  felt, I  _feel_ , like that's a  _gross_  understatement of what you are to me. I guess, because, it doesn't feel  _complete_ , because… because you're so much  _more_  that that!"

Her hands couldn't help but clench, and she would have felt bad about that, had this yielded any visible reaction. "Finn… I  _mean it_  when I say you're my friend! You're sometimes like a young pupil, or," she recalled the times she'd taught him, alongside the antics he'd gotten into, "or a silly little brother sometimes!" Bonnie had never even considered that—she only spoke whatever came to mind at this point. Did that devalue what she said?

Or, perhaps, it enhanced it. For even that felt just as right as all the rest.

"Your idea, of a hero, Finn?" She listed softly, "Protecting the weak, saving the day, serving your princess?" He nodded robotically, stricken all the while. "I  _admire_  these attributes about you, how it's,  _persevered_  in a world as cruel and  _unfair_  as this one!" The euphoria faded suddenly from her face, but in her heart, it did not waver. "But, underneath all that?" she continued, serious and sincere and looking Finn dead in the eye. "What you do for me, day in and day out, without ever realizing it? That's, so…  _meaningful_ , to me—it means… so  _much_ , to me, that I know you… That you do this for me, not for some reward or because you expect one, but because you  _want_  to."

She  _felt_ her bashfulness—hot upon her face. Never in her eight centuries of living had she been so open to another before, so personal and honest about her feelings…

And it was nice.

Bonnibel was not exaggerating when she told him, "You're…  _everything_  to me, Finn." She beamed.  _What am I to you?_ "You're my  _hero_."

She looked deep into Finn's eyes, bulging and unblinking. She truly didn't want to read into it, but Bonnie couldn't possibly think of the cause to such an expression, unless he truly, finally, believed her.

He had to—she saw the recognition in his eyes, their trademark softness that she hadn't seen in so long.

The princess brushed at a slight tickle against her cheek, then did a faint gasp at it returning wet, and she brushed her entire forearm across her eyes. Her face tingled dully after—just how long had she been smiling?

"Bonnie…" Finn's voice was barely above a whisper.

Just the sound of his voice, of her true name, made her forget whatever she was doing and pour her attention completely unto him.

But her hand wasn't quick enough to react before her eyes registered his face twisting with emotion, before pushing away from her a beat later—her mind comprehending this—but her words choked and her fingers brushed golden hair before Finn was too far: tearing through her bedroom, throwing the door open, but not enough to have it swing into the wall, and disappearing into the hall.


	13. Everything (Pt 8)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Princess protects her Knight from himself.

"Finn!" Bonnie cried, horror kicking her in the gut. At the doorway she looked right, left, then suddenly remembered seeing him go right and followed.

Her arms swayed out at her sides, and her long legs carried her far and fast as Bubblegum followed the hallway's linear path, rounding its hard left before abruptly catching up with Finn. Bonnie exhaled, shakily, as she slowed to a listless stop, bare feet thudding dully against the carpet.

He didn't even make it down the stairs, which led to the rest of the castle. Finn was kneeling there, collapsed with his legs splayed out beneath him, head cradled in both hands. His shadow was cast behind him, slightly enlarged against the wall, incited by natural lighting from the enormous window before him. It offered a breathtaking expanse of gingerbread houses down below, and in the distance, the idle Guardians of her people.

It was such a quiet picture: Finn, motionless, awash in what must have been another radiant, unassuming day of the Candy Kingdom. She could barely hear his sniffling—wouldn't, in fact, had the icing-spangled corridor not been so needlessly spacious.

She didn't realize she was staring until it suddenly occurred to her, and with a faint wince Bonnie made her composed approach, hands clasped before her.

His increasingly-audible snuffling was a blessing in disguise—distracting her from the currently-crying reminder that there couldn't possibly be any more new memories. She'd likely laugh herself into insanity, just for the sheer irony of it all, where only now did the princess realize how much she needed them.

This really was just like her falling out with Marceline—right down to how easily avoidable it was, and what could've been done to prevent it.

Bonnie banished the thought, already feeling a surge of emotion within her looking down upon Finn, her spine steel-stiff. Finn had no reaction to her presence, except, only then, did he finally sob—just once, however, before devolving into heartbreaking shuddering, capping off in another wet sniffle.

If she felt like her typically-aloof self, Bonnibel might have had the mind to wonder why, precisely, he was crying. Heck, from how thoughtless she's acted all these years, she might've outright asked him that. But now, in light of all they'd said to one another, and she realized for herself, the princess couldn't even think of what to say, let alone dwell on the cause of her beloved ex-hero's current torment.

With but a frown that only implied what she felt inside, Bonnibel squatted down beside him, then folded her legs daintily beneath her.

Her hand just grazed his hair before Finn erupted into motion—before suddenly flinging his elbow out, knocking her arm aside as he himself scrambled away. Bonnie whooped in surprise, almost falling back had she not been kneeling.

She recovered promptly, as did the rush of energy fade. She had little time to ponder the meaning of all this before noticing that Finn was several feet beyond her reach now, seated against the wall with his knees to his chest.

She only saw red, runny eyes peering over them, staring out into the Candy Kingdom.

His voice was tremulous.  _"Just leave me alone, PB,"_ he said,  _"I'm a crummy person and you're better off just banishing me from the k'hing-dom..."_

Bonnie had to put a hand to her aching heart—a new, sharper pain had taken root, different from any she felt all day, and cut fresh across her core after realizing a beat later what he implied.

" _F'hinn_ ," she breathed, "You…  _are not,_  a crummy person. After  _everything_  I'd said…"

 _"_ _Are you kidding me!? I_ hurt  _you!"_ His gaze whipped to her, full of unfettered anger—he wasn't even trying to hide it anymore.  _"This whole time, you_ always  _were telling the truth! You_ do  _care! I_ was  _your_ hero _, and I just_ hurt you _, and_ hurt you,  _and none 'o this woulda happened, if I wasn't such a STUPID IDIOT!"_

"Stop saying that about yourself!" Bonnie cried—it took every ounce of her being not to just break down, painfully aware of what Finn was feeling right now. " _You_ , are  _not_  an idiot, Finn, and you are  _far_  from a crummy person!"

His eyes screwed shut, and Finn buried them into his knees.  _"Y-You're, just saying that… you, should, hate me…"_

"Finn!" Bonnie gasped. Her eyes prickled with fresh tears. "Did you hear  _anything_  that I'd  _said_?"

Finn continuously averted eye-contact. "Yes…" he whimpered.

"Then did you  _hear_  how much I  _need_  you!?"

_"_ _YES!"_

Bonnie winced with a solitary sob.  _"And do you not realize how much I_ hurt you _!?"_ she cried.

 _"_ _I DON'T_ CARE  _ABOUT THAT!"_ Finn's sobs intensified, which tried to smother into his knees, stopping them from echoing sharply in the corridor as before, but not enough to mask their ferocity.

 _"_ _You, you were being, ho-on-onest, this whole, ti-hime!"_ His words were panicked and gasping.  _"And then, all, that I did, was, call, you, a, liar… and that I hated you—!"_ Finn started choking, his words too much, too fast, while already struggling to breathe.

With burning eyes and what felt like cotton in the throat, Bonnie sat there, hearing his words, hearing him choke, similar to the time after meeting that wad of a father, and losing his arm. Bonnie, once upon a time, would run right over to Finn and hug him fiercely. She knew just where to pat him on the back when breathing became too much, and his sobs turned hacking.

But she couldn't move. Everything in her heart and mind  _screamed_  at her to do  _something_. But it became increasingly hard to do anything at all with such crippling pain in the gut, like a nail, where every choke and cry was like a hammer, forcing it deeper, scraping her insides.

Her chest ached and her eyes did too, as if she, also, were hacking her lungs out, crying—and her mouth overflowed with nasty saliva, feebly trying to form something out of the garbled nonsense her brain wanted to say, until it became too much, and she couldn't help but bring her fingers to her hairline, flinching from feeling the cold rim of that  _STUPID CROWN!_

And in that instant, both spoke at once, over one another:

_"_ _Finn—!?"_

_"_ _PRINCESS?!"_

_"_ _Don't you realize how bad of a friend I am?!"_ they cried, faces mere feet apart, with the Candy Kingdom oblivious beside them. " _That you would never have felt any of this in the first place, if I just paid attention and stopped thinking about myself!?"_

Both Finn and Bonnibel clamped both hands over their mouths—the princess must have been mirroring his bafflingly wide eyes, as she wondered to herself, brokenly,  _How was that…? At the same time…? The same words, even?!_

Bonnie's eyes flitted to and fro upon her lap, pondering this, before suddenly, stiffly, her hands left her face, and Finn did the same. His cheeks were slickening, and Bonnie felt the familiar tickle upon her own intensify when their eyes met once more.

"I'm sorry," Finn breathed.

"Me too," Bonnie whimpered.

There was a beat.

"Finn?" Bonnie's voice was light as air.

His was just so. "Yeah, Princess?" The look on his face, it was so broken; so hollow, lost.

Just the sound of her name hurt, but that made it easier for Bonnibel to feel justified in opening her arms wide.

"I need you."

She swallowed, then stiffly amended, " _Please._ Here. Right now..."

He looked to her, not with the wariness of before, but instead with wide, wet eyes: so stupefied he couldn't even move until Bonnie uttered quickly, " _Please Finn,_ " and his eyes fluttered, " _before I lose it again…"_

Finn brought his four-fingered hand to a tendril of hair that fell across his shoulder, twisting it. "Princess, I shouldn't…" His eyes squeezed shut, grimacing as if in pain. "I mean I  _don't deserve_ …"

His face wrenched, unable finish. Bonnie wouldn't let him anyway.

" _Give me a hug, hero,_ " she sputtered tearfully.

There it was: the word that meant something so simple, and yet carried so much at the same time. Would Finn ever cease to be such a wondrous anomaly?

And from the pain which flashed across his face, Bonnie knew that it finally meant as much to him.

Or, perhaps, it always had, as tears burst silently from his eyes with but a strangled snuffle: she truly wanted her hero to save her, he must have ralized.

 _If only for one last time,_ but Bonnie didn't spare the thought a second of pondering, for, in that instant, Finn got to his knees and awkwardly shuffled toward her, his flushed color deepening. Bonnie sputtered a tearful titter and did the very same.

Only when inches were between them, knight and princess both exchanged feeble, wobbly smiles, of which crumbled the instant prior to flinging themselves the rest of the distance, crashing into one another and ensnaring themselves in one of the fiercest hugs either had ever given.

Bonnie had little time to collect herself before hearing Finn whimper _, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry,_ " into the softness of her bosom.

 _What are you sorry about?_ she wanted to say, but her tongue felt too big for her mouth.  _What are you sorry about Finn? What the_ nuts _do you have to apologize for?_

As if reading her mind, he rambled slurred apologies,  _"_ I, was so, afraid o-of, being hur-urt, again… _"_ He snorted. _"Thad-eye didn', wan'it... to happen again! And I'm sorry that I didn't believe you, Bonnie! I'm so sorry.."_

 _"_ _Me too,"_ Bonnie murmured over him, nuzzling his sweet-smelling hair. Oh how she missed his presence, his warmth. She couldn't believe all those awful, objectively incorrect things she'd said about him on the phone.  _"Me too, me too, oh, Finn, I'm so so sorry…"_

She would have mimicked him, explained herself and apologized, but Bonnie was so exhausted, so tired, and she couldn't think beyond the realization that Finn was here, in her arms, that it wasn't just another dream. Nor could she see the kingdom beyond his golden head, or hear anything more than frustrated, mortified bawling caused by her own hand.

"None of this would have happened in the first place," she whispered over his wails, into his hair, peering over with welling eyes, "… _if I was a better_   _p'hers—_ "

Bonnie gasped sharply, squeezing her weeping hero even closer to her body.

She couldn't muster herself to be louder than a murmur.  _"I'm s'ho, so-hor-r'hy…"_ Bonnie gulped, speaking hoarsely, " _I don't blame you a-hat all, if you still hate me—"_

Bubblegum felt a sudden jolt of fear when Finn's warmth was so suddenly ripped away from her—when he put his hands upon her upper arms and pushed away.

But he fled no further than just enough to look into her eyes, utterly aghast; tears flowing freely, quietly. "You really think that I hated you!?"

 _"_ _YE-HES!"_ she wept with wide, streaming eyes.

"I couldn't hate you, Princess! Ever!"

 _You… never…_ Bonnie's mouth just opened, then closed stiffly.  _He never… hated me?_

"I'm sorry I said that," Finn swallowed, looking away from the thorough disbelief before him. "It just hurt so much when I thought you were just trying to—!"

With sad eyes Bonnibel was just watching, essentially gawking, before she'd forgotten all tact and embraced him once more. In doing so, Bonnie remembered why she never allowed herself to get emotional:

She absolutely lost it.

**_"_ ** **_WAAAAUGGGH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAHHHH!"_ **

Her arms squeezed around him, yet Bonnie felt Finn tremble against her; yet, despite whatever he felt, Finn put a hand to her forehead and hushed her gently, albeit shakily, to calm her like old times. "I'm sorry I said all that to you, Princess…" His hand left her forehead and encircled her shoulders, nuzzling her neck with his forehead.

Bonnie sniffled before burying her nose into his hair, squeezing him like a teddy bear, and shakily managed clarify, "No," gulping, "not that! Finn,  _oh Finn, my champion_! I'm just so  _ha-appy_ — _SO, SO relieved!_ —that you don't  _hate me_! Not even a little!  _After everything I'd_ done _to you_!"

She started bawling like a ridiculous loon again, tightening her arms. " _ACK! Prin-cess!"_

"Finn, my  _flawless_ , forgiving hero—!"

" _PrincessIneedair!"_ he struggled to get out.

"I'm sorry!" she breathed, then, gentler, repeatedly, "'m sorry, sorry…" loosening her hold on Finn until she felt his belly expand against hers.

But her heart was still raw and bleeding and healing all at once, and there was not a force in Ooo, not even the Lich or Patience or Glob himself, who could keep the young hero away from her. A hand groped behind his head, laying him against her bosom, and the other upon the small of his back, stroking up and down. He was straddling her lap, as close to her as he'd ever been or could be without crossing the line into some truly risqué territory. Finn's breaths were shallow, himself quaking in her arms as he clenched fistfuls of her shirt, hiccuping occasionally.

"Oh, Finn…" cooed the princess, rocking him. "My hero, my champion, thank you.  _Thank you so much_ …" she quickly murmured in a breath.

Her hero's sigh was unsteady, painful, but at the same time liberating, it felt. As if Finn's soul were, too, realizing that this was real—not solely the sincerity of his princess's love, but the depths to which it ran. That Bonnibel still, and always has, cherished their bond—something she herself had only come to realize today as well.

But if this was the case, Finn kept it closely guarded. Perhaps, like with her, any words that came to mind failed properly convey what that meant to him, though Bonnie didn't wish to assume and overstate herself once more. Especially when this was far, far more than she initially hoped—or deserved.

"...For what?" Finn's small voice broke her train of thought.

Bonnibel swallowed the lump that'd formed—this was so much more than she deserved. "Thank you, for... for giving me another chance."

Just for the sheer fact that she had a second chance already, after almost causing irrevocable damage not only to herself but someone she cared about deeply, made it hard to comprehend why fate was being so uncharacteristically merciful today.

Similarly to when this entire mess started, her brain had trouble coming to terms with it all, that this was real—realer than any dream her brain crocked up before. That Finn was truly in her arms, his warm flesh, pumping with life—her dreams had always forgotten that detail. And unlike those, he wasn't going to vanish in a whiff of smoke. She wasn't going to pop her eyes open and find herself back in her bedroom, staring into the ceiling, and then spend the next twenty minutes hyping herself to get out of bed, and then forget about it all until the following morning.

She'll never have to feel this horrible emptiness again—this awful feeling like someone just tore a hunk of biomass out from her bod.

_My hero…_

She inhaled deep, familiar with his aroma—sweat and dog and a third which must be what human teenagers smell like, simultaneously foul and wonderfully alive—which, too, was real again.

Her inhale collapsed into more quiet, trembling weeping.

She couldn't help herself, and she didn't care enough to.  _Glob it, this is real._

_This is real and he isn't leaving me again._

Bonnibel's mind flashed to the first, and only other time that he almost did—inciting the very same terror that had gripped her across the twenty short, brutal minutes it'd transpired across.

She had little notion as to what compelled her to audibly bring it up, relive it in a voice so faint and shallow, so not even the bacteria could hear her confession:

"When I saw you, get taken by Susan…"

She murmured into his hair, remembering, feeling, "Just… picked up, right there in front of me…" Bonnie swallowed. "I was freaking out inside, that whole time—I kept it together alright, like always. But I had no idea what to  _do_ , because I didn't want to  _hurt_  Susan, but she didn't care about hurting  _us_ , and she wanted  _you_  for some reason, so when I saw her pick you up like you were a  _doll_ , I just…  _felt_ … this horrible junk inside; like something grabbed my pho-guts and tied 'em around into a  _pretzel_. And in that moment... I  _forgot,_ who I  _was_... I'd forgone,  _any_  shred of intelligence,  _any_  notions of self-preservation, went  _full-on stupid_ …"

She sighed.

"…and I walked right up to her."

"Like I could actually try and  _save you_  from that hulking monstrosity." Even if Finn begged Susan not to, even though it was totally beyond poor Susan's control, and she suffered for it in return, Bonnie was never going to forget what she felt that day—seeing what she tried doing to Finn and what she  _did do_  to Jake and her Banana Guards and Rattleballs...

Bonnie moaned shakily. "That was freaking  _scary_ , Finn."

Although she really should have seen it coming, she wasn't anticipating Finn to grace her with any kind of audible reply, let alone an assurance to assuage her fears: "I-I was okay though, Princess," Finn softly urged her, in a tone that begged, 'Please, please don't torture yourself with this!' even though Bonnie truly wasn't. "Susan wasn't gonna hurt me, she didn't  _want_  to. I guess she was just trying to take me—"

"She was tryna  _take you_  somewhere, Finn." Bonnie spoke gently still, but with sudden force to her words, imploring the little guy to understand how frightening that entire ordeal was. "I almost got myself  _killed_  because I was  _terrified_  that something  _awful'd_  come to take you away! And that's—!"

She realized, abruptly, her heart's intention with recalling this crummy memory.

In an even quieter voice, Bonnibel finished, "That's how much you mean to me, Finn."

"I never thought about it until now, or even in that moment—just why I did something so reckless, I mean. My obsession with the 'now' stopped me from really analyzing it, but I was also… afraid," she admitted. "I was afraid of what it is that compelled me to act so foolish, and senseless, that I didn't even…"

Bonnie was unsure of how to finish, although she knew the answer already, even when it hadn't yet occurred to her. She felt it, rather—warm and surging in her core—as she remembered what was real, right now, shuddering in her arms.

And he will never question their friendship again, nor leave her service. He's returned to her life, and he's here to stay—a key component to this gentle balance she liked to call happiness.

All of this, she told herself repeatedly—several times an instant, like a mantra. Bonnibel had to, for otherwise the fear would grip her, and she would lose it again and probably succeed in crushing Finn's bones from another hysteria-fueled hug. Upon hearing her tremulous inhale, Bonnie felt him reaffirming his embrace, essentially snuggling with her—he knew from experience what was coming.

Until today, Bonnie would have thought it scientifically impossible to be happy while crying; to smile hard as she was while doing so.

It was a pointless question but she couldn't help but wonder why; what is it about this that made her hurt so badly, yet feel so happy, all at the same time?

Despite every one of these ponderings,  _'My hero'_ was the best, most immediate consensus her brain could think of.

It was the only thing about all this that felt right, but it was enough for her.

It had been several minutes before either of them had calmed down. Finn found his arms around Bonnie, himself seated in her lap, closely cradled by the princess still. He'd still not mustered the courage to meet her gaze again, and neither had she. Maybe Finn just didn't want to break away from such closeness so soon.

Or, perhaps, like the princess, it was a combination of both.

But neither could stop him from inevitably finding the courage to speak to her again, first.

"I think I know what you're talking about," a tentative voice reached her ears, shallow and a little scratchy, and spoken into the soft front of her shirt.

She knew already what he was referring to, but being the courteous knight that he is, he clarified for his princess, "Abou-About when Susan almost took me, and… and you were afraid for me, r-right?"

Such brazen stating of her innermost feelings would typically embarrass Bonnie—in front of anyone, then perhaps, but Finn wasn't just anyone.

"Finn,  _of course_  I was afraid for you." She spoke so gently, so as not to sound admonishing, for he was blameless in still feeling even slightly weary of his own feelings.

He said nothing more about that—perhaps, because, he didn't need to, and knew it.

"…That time you fell into the Lich's Well of Power…" Finn reminded her; even years later, Bonnie felt a lurch of fear, but also of regret, still, for what came after, that would eventually snowball into where they were today, "Even though it was Ice King who'd dropped you, I was so afraid that something… horrible, had happened to you… like, something that couldn't be  _taken back_ , and that it was  _my_  fault. Just like that time I almost dinked it bad with the tarts."

"If… If something happened to you, Princess, because of  _me_? …I don't think I could ever forgive myself. Not when I'm supposed to keep you safe and happy…"

Bonnie couldn't help but feel flattered—bitter reminders for Finn, maybe, but sweet memories for her. A few of the many instances with which he demonstrated his devotion to her.

She was so flattered, the sudden meekness that'd overtaken his words didn't register.

Bonnibel, instead, was invested in their meaning—the depth to which his dedication ran. Spoken by anyone else, and Bonnie would write them off as the chest-puffing of a braggart trying to emphasize his loyalty, in a shallow effort to swell his own heroic spirit.

But not with Finn. Never, even for a moment.

And that's what saddened her most.

Her hands found his shoulders, and it did not occur to Bonnie just what, precisely, she was doing until her palms pressed into them, gently enough not to actually push him away herself, but Finn doing that instead, a little too swiftly for her liking at that.

The look in his face was guarded, bracing for his princess to say something he surely wouldn't like. His eyes were just so sad. Bonnie's own beat with gentle shock, though she couldn't see for herself, as that is what she felt, inside and creased upon her brow.

"Finn… I don't  _want_  that," she told him softly. "I don't want you to  _ever_  feel responsible for my own happiness, not when you have your own life to live."

 _Not after what I almost did to it. DID do to it,_ she amended, remembering with a lurch what's beneath his shirt.

"But I want to!" he pleaded, and his eyes shone with such desire that it only further emphasized how unworthy she truly was. "I can't just  _not_ , Bonnie—especially not after everything you've told me!"

She was so taken aback. It was as if the last month never happened at all. Her mouth opened, then closed, grasping. "Finn," she stammered, "I'm an immortal, you are human. You have a life to live!"

Excuses upon excuses, and weak ones at best—as if Finn would spend every waking moment trying to get her to laugh?

It was all she could think to say, without outright denying him. She couldn't bring herself to do that, not when lacking the willpower, the desire, heart, and strength to do it.

"Why are you saying all this, Princess?" he asked, his eyes roving, searching her face for a subtle twitch that would tell the truth.

 _Responsibility demands sacrifice,_ Bonnie remembered—a convenient mantra she'd always used to justify her actions.

But Finn's life wasn't her responsibility.

And yet… despite this fact…

"Because I  _care_  about you, Finn."

His face pulled back slightly, lips pursed, absorbing this. "But… But I  _care about you too_."

For one, singular moment, Bonnibel Bubblegum heard her own heartbeat.

"So why won't you let me?" he wondered—genuinely asking his princess why in the name of Glob was she not allowing him to serve her. And he knew her so well by now, it was obvious these were her attempts to avoid having to actually say it: to dismiss him outright.

Because Bonnibel was weak, and, if the ache in her chest were of any indication, instinctively she knew this isn't what she wanted. And she just couldn't lie to Finn, not about this.

All of these thoughts encircled her mind; in the way her eyes shuddered, settling upon the small space between where their pelvises almost met. She might as well have been a neon sign that said in bright pink:  _'I don't know, Finn.'_

So what was the point in avoiding the real issue any longer?

"Why?" she croaked, voice thick. To Finn's curious coo, Bonnie's eyes met his as she clarified, "How come you care about me so much, Finn?"


	14. Everything (Pt 9)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn reminds Bonnie why he's her hero in the first place.

She would have worded it better, more clearly, for she already knew the answer. It was the same answer it's always been, from the day they first met; one of the few constants of her life, which Bonnie realized with Marceline were things she held dearly.

Understanding this answer was another matter entirely, however.

And Finn appeared to be in the same boat. " _Because_ —" he choked bluntly.

Finn pursed his lips in concentration, glancing to the side in thought. There, Bonnie spotted something familiar flicker in his eye, so deep and blue - pain and sadness still permeated them visibly, except they seemed to shift into something different from before.

Something familiar—not pinned upon the self, but for another.

She admittedly would have flinched, had she not been so enraptured by the sudden hardness in his gaze, when it slid over to meet hers and stare hard, hard into whatever this boy saw that was worth such selfless devotion.

It was a look she immediately recognized as courage.

Yet, the color red bled into his cheeks, underneath his eyes in near-record time. And though she didn't foresee it coming herself, something stirred within just before Finn uttered the words, "Because I love you, Princess…"

He didn't flinch when he said this, nor avert her widened gaze. Bonnie didn't know why, but it felt as though something twined theirs together.

And when he asked, "Can't you  _see_  that?" she literally, truly could, and…  _Oh, Glob, he's expecting a response, isn't he?_

She just couldn't believe... Four years ago, Finn could barely admit to liking her. Now he stated his love without batting an eye!

"I can," she moaned, "I  _do_ ," staring into him, hard, "and I still cannot understand why:  _why_  do I deserve any kindness from you, after everything I'd done?"

Finn pulled back slightly, hearing this. His eyes were pleading of her, hands clenching the sleeves of her shirt, as he softly cried to the princess, "I, I don't care about that! I don't care about whatever it is you  _think_  you did to me, Bonnie!"

Her hands immediately found themselves upon his cheeks—Bonnie didn't know how they got there and had little time or care to ponder it.

"Well I do, Finn!" she cried, squeezing his face. "I  _do care_  about what you went through because of me! I  _do care_  about being responsible for it all!"

"And you don't think I don't feel the same?!" His words were loud, and held not a shred of anger to them. "You don't think I feel like the  _worst scum in Ooo_  for all this mess?!"

Bonnie scowled, grief propelling it. "Oh, ooof  _course_! Of  _course_  you feel responsible,  _Finn_!" She shook him a bit in her grasp. "Because you just  _care_  about me  _sooo much_! Because you're… you're  _you_! And that's why I think you deserve  _so much better_ than this! And until the day my people are safe and I finally expire, I will never,  _ever_  get the image of your starved little bod out of my head!"

They exchanged stunned gazes for half a heartbeat, before Bonnibel's fragile composure crumbled entirely, and a sob blubbered past her lips.

All the while Finn remained in her hands - Bonnibel felt a distinct lack of breath hitting her lump-clogged throat, knowing Finn awaited whatever the princess had to say next.

So Bonnie pressed her forehead against her hero's—a meager comfort—and whispered, " _I'm so, s'hor'rhy_." She sniffled wetly, head shaking once, slowly. "I'm really, truly sorry that I hurt you like this, Finn..."

She felt hesitant hands grab her wrist, then the inorganic heaviness of his prosthetic grapple the other. Bonnibel prepared herself for the lurch of pain that would surely come when he pried her away from him.

"Please stop apologizing, Princess..." He didn't move her. "You really don't have to..." Bonnie only partially heard his words, a veritable garble in her brain she didn't have the ability to think about. She just felt the warmth of his face, which never left her touch. It wasn't until Bonnie felt a dampness fall upon her thumb, then the other, so gently she would have missed them, that her brain returned to reality.

 _Finn's crying because I hurt him,_ the reactionary lurch of her gut cried in dismay.

A familiar pressure in her eyes swelled until it hurt. "You starved, yourself over this, Finn," she murmured, shakily. "That's gonna be on my conscience  _forever_ , and I am  _so_ … so sorry, that I did this to you... And I am  _so, so afraid, of hurting you ag-hain..._ "

"Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie," Finn murmured, smooth and comfortingly, yet quickly, and pleadingly all at the same time. "Shh," he murmured, holding her face like she just did for him. His eyes were wet but no longer weeping, and now it was his turn to dry her cheeks.

Bubblegum's intakes slow, trying to be as steady as possible, trying not to beat herself up when she failed. She sounded so dang shaky, and she could stop gasping shallowly once she started feeling that stupid  _chest-ache_  again remembering that  _she'd starved her hero and friend, Finn,_ hurting him so badly, and it was all  _her_  fault because she was an  _awful person_  and Finn might have been  _happier_  if they never even  _met_ —

"I wasn't starving myself, Princess…"

Her head pulled away from his - their cheeks slick and glistening, eyes red and puffy and wide and equally surprised with what was said. Bonnie's analytical eye twitched subtly, swallowing every inch of Finn's pained gaze.

"It was just…" His eyes flickered to the narrow space between their laps. "I felt  _so_ …  _empty_ , inside, after leaving you… It felt like that time I thought I lost Jake on Mars."

Bonnie made a mental note to grill Finn later on the time he  _apparently_  went to freaking  _Mars_  and Jake  _apparently_ died.

"It was as if an important part of me was suddenly gone, and I felt even worse than I did before, not better. I thought I'd feel better after leaving you, like I was free! But I was so...  _hollow_ , inside, that I couldn't even bring myself to  _eat_. Jake… he'd make me meatloaf, even. And dude, I love meatloaf! A-And Beemo, too! He'd make his sassages, he'd get Neptr to make me all these  _pies_ , but they'd…"

Finn shut his eyes, finally breaking eye contact with the princess—not that she noticed, she continued staring as if he didn't move at all, not seeing but hearing the love and regret woven into his evident passion to help those who are hurt, and empathize with those who need it.

"They tried…  _everything_ , Princess… But I could never down more than a couple bites." His eyes found hers again, which hadn't so much as  _glanced_  in another direction. "Even  _chewing_  was, like, one of the hardest things I'd ever done! And swallowing was  _worse_. It was like, was like my  _throat_  didn't even  _want_ my bod to have any food, like it was  _poison_  or something. It got to the point where I could only eat a  _piece of fruit_ , like an  _orange_  or something every meal."

Finn's hands suddenly, finally, released Bubblegum's face, so that he may embrace himself. Bonnibel felt the urge to do the same, had she remembered to will her arms to do so.

"…I heard Jake in the treasure room one night," Finn continued, his voice quiet. "He was talking to Lady on the phone, and… he was  _crying_. I'd  _never_  heard him cry like that before. And, And it was because of  _me_."

She felt something inorganic and heavy grasp her hand, but something warm and familiar rub the top of it. Bonnie's gaze flitted to it for only a second before she caught Finn's own once more.

"Not being able to eat  _sucked_ , Princess," he told her, brows creasing. "But realizing that I caused someone I cared about  _that much pain_?" Something barbed clenched her heart, painfully familiar, and raw, and recent, and it constricted its hold upon hearing the words in both Finn's voice and her own head:

"I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that."

Amidst all of these painfully-familiar sentiments, Bonnibel's wide, broken gaze never ceased flitting about Finn's face, searching for something, anything beyond the truth he wore upon his sleeve—that he truly did not resent her, blame her, and even wished to continue helping her.

Part of Bonnie, the sensible part of her brain, understood Finn's meaning—for how could someone as sweet as him  _not_  hold themselves accountable if they'd inadvertently hurt their loved ones?

"So, after hearing all that, you really wanna know, PB?" Finn asked, staring hard yet gently, angrily, while also lovingly, into her stunned disposition. "You're keen to know why I care about you, despite all that?"

 _YES! You teasing little dummy, YES!_ Her hands squeezed Finn's fingers tight.

And he told her then, "It's because you're  _worth it_ , Bubblegum!" His smile was so broad and beaming that it must have been forced—but Finn was a terrible liar, which means…

"I never would have cared so much if I didn't think so," he continued, as if sensing her doubts. "Princess... I've donked up  _so, much_  these last few years—it wouldn't be fair if I held a grudge towards you! Over a stupid accident, even! And even if I  _did_  care, the fact that you do too? So much more than  _me_? I'd be a total  _ding-wad_  if I stayed angry!"

His words only deepened her confusion, bewilderment coloring her expression, as her head shook slightly, uncomprehending.

Finn pursed his lips, gently speaking now, "Bonnie... you're  _worth_  showing kindness to, alright? You're  _worth_  serving, and protecting, and making happy,  _because_ … because you're just  _you_! And I c-c-ca— _love_ , I, I  _love_  you! And, and I dunno  _what_  I'd do with myself if I just left you forever again! Especially after hearing everything I'd heard today…"

Bonnibel felt surprised and touched and she didn't know why. It was like she never knew Finn at all, where his desire to help her, comfort her, no matter  _how_   _danged illogical_  he was being, went deeper than that of a blind, fanatical devotee.

It surprised her to find his enthusiasm wane, then, concern and worry dawning upon his features as he regarded her with but a foot of space between them. "I… I know you understand what I mean by all that… don't you?"

Of course she did. Bonnie knew how hard it was for Finn, having never been so emotionally open before, never having to think about how he felt or why. Where, like her, it was hard for him to explain these complex, deep-seated feelings.

Of course she understood what he meant.

But that doesn't mean she understood why.

_Why am I worth all this, when he STARVED himself because of me?_

Bubblegum knew what it was like, to feel hollow as to not even bring oneself to eat. How many bowls of biomass soup did Peppermint Butler bring back to the kitchens this past month, disappointed to see it untouched?

But Bonnie was a mass of gum, and did not need sustenance in the way humans do. Humans needed to eat properly to survive, and she saw the results firsthand of what would happen if they didn't. And no matter how he dressed it, how much he told her that it wasn't her fault, the simple fact of the matter is that Bonnibel was responsible for all this.

_A single piece of fruit…_

"I would  _hate_  the jerk who hurt me like I hurt you, Finn…" Her voice was so faint and faraway, and her eyes bore into his. "How's someone as  _awful_  and  _selfish_  as me worth so much dedication? In the hundreds of years I've spent  _screwing up_ , what've I done to even  _earn this_?"

"Would you  _stop saying_  these awful things about yourself already?!"

The sudden jump in volume startled Bonnie—and remained so after digesting his words the following instant.

All the while Finn—having scooted a foot away so that he may look at her fully—fixed her with this broken look she would call demoralized.

"I mean, Glob, Princess!" he cried. "You have people who  _love you_ —your  _friends_! They care about you  _so much_ , you weirdo! They care about you so much that I don't even know where to  _start_! Except…!" he trailed off, looking aside with his lips pressed together in a slight grimace.

Bonnie found herself unable to form cohesive thought, let alone muster up some sort of a response: Finn's aggressive kindness was unexpected, and what he'd said even more so.

 _I... I_ do  _have people who care about me... Me! Not Princess Bubblegum, but... Bonnibel._

It was so hard to believe, that she could only watch the small human boy with bated, shallow breaths, and a spine stiff as steel.

And she felt his words inside all the while, warming her to her core.

Then, suddenly, his eyes met hers again—soft blue into softer purple—where nothing in the world could have prepared Bonnie for what Finn asked her then:

"Princess," he started, "why don't you think you should be happy?"

Her breath caught in her throat: it didn't occur to her that this would come up again.

Finn continued, oblivious to the gross feeling stewing inside the princess. "And I don't mean with me, when we were thirteen but, like, in  _general_. The way you acted back there, how you felt about your life, and… just the way you would  _talk_  about yourself," Bonnie swallowed—she could feel the turmoil in his words as he relived what she'd said, "It's just, all these years and I… I didn't know you'd felt this way."

Bonnie would have apologized if she knew why—she didn't understand this urge to do so.

Any notions of doing so were eradicated by the sudden emergence of a happy little grin. "Because you just…  _love_ , a great deal, Bonnie! You love your  _friends_  and your  _people_ , you do so much and are willing to go so far to help those you care about!" Finn's eyes danced about as he spoke concurrently with his train of thought. "I mean, I mean look at today! Look at how hard you tried convincing my dumb  _butt_  that you were legit! Nobody who  _didn't_  care would do that, and anyone who  _wouldn't_  just,  _like_ —they'd not be Princess Bubblegum!"

Bonnibel heard every word he said, every single one like an anvil striking her in her stupid, brilliant brain: her own defenses fought tooth and nail to deny such generous accusations, and yet, with every word Finn had said, a memory incited itself of one such instance to validate it as fact.

 _He isn't_ just _trying to make me feel better,_ spoke the warmth blossoming in her core. _He really knows what he's talking about._

Finn never missed a beat, and Bonnie sat there, embraced in the warm blanket of her hero's words.

"But that's not even  _it_ ," He continued, oblivious to his princess having already been saved—but Finn always did go the extra mile. "There's so much more to this person, than just Princess Bubblegum,  _because she..._ just wouldn't be this great person, if not for the lady underneath…"

"What're you saying?" The words left her heart without hesitation, without complete and utter confusion, and fully aware of what he was saying—she just couldn't believe it.

Despite this, the very breath in her throat was lodged in her windpipe. Finn answered, grin pleading, "It's  _you,_  Bonnie!  _You_ , who at her core is a nice person, and likes to help people, who, who  _cares_ about them,  _loves_  them, and…"

His eyes fell, and his smile waned into a sad simper.

"…and I'd like to think I know you, PB. The _real you_ , you know? 'Neath the crown, title, all that extra crud…" she didn't realize it, but her head bobbed slightly. "And I  _know_ , that you're a beautiful person, Bonnie: you're  _awesome_  and you're  _nice_  and you  _wanna_  be happy—a-and you honestly deserve it! You're all these things, yet ya feel like you aren't good enough because you think you'll  _dink_ it, and that  _just isn't fair_!"

Finn panted softly, winded, his gaze boring into Bonnie's unblinking, uncomprehending stare.

 _I… I_ deserve _to be happy?_

Her breaths were shallow to the point of not existing at all—a learned habit from living among organics, breathing, persisting now as a sole result of doing it for years.

_H'oh Glob, his eyes; was he always this intense?_

She couldn't break away, still hearing echoes of his words encircle her head, and only snapped out of herself when Finn broke the awkwardly-long stare. His face wrenched with something she could not discern as either shame or regret.

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly, never looking her way. "That was... I didn't mean, I mean, I didn't mean to come off as a spaz back there." Bonnie's eyes widened even further, but before she could ease his concerns he spoke in a low, passionate voice, "It just... It makes me so  _mad_ , that you really feel like you're this horrible person because of a few ding-ups. I mean, I've done a lot  _worse_  than you, so what does that say about me, in your eyes?"

"Finn…" she breathed, though had nothing more to follow. Just "Finn;" it somehow made sense of everything going on inside of her.

He didn't meet her again when his eyes opened, content with analyzing his folded, mismatched hands. "Sorry, I just think a lot, Princess. About life," he continued quietly. "Sometimes, I think about why the world is like this—like, why people like  _Martin_  can cheat and hurt and always come out on top, while people I care about who deserve happiness believe they don't."

Bonnie still couldn't wrap her head around the concept— _I… I_ deserve _happiness?_ It was so illogical and unreasonable given her track record, and yet…

_…_ _Finn says I do._

And when has Finn ever wronged her?

Bitterness tinged his words, "It's like, like this  _self-fulfilling prophecy_ , where the good people suffer because of the bad, and the bad don't because they're fine with being huge donks to the good."

Finn had always had a big heart, and a terrific sense of righteousness; qualities which Bonnie always admired about him. But speaking with such evident distress, the worry of a friend who genuinely cared, it struck her like an arrow to the heart, and soon Bonnie felt her throat start to close on itself - and she didn't mind at all.

Finn continued, oblivious to the effect his words had on her. "And… that hurts me, so much, Bonnie." He met her eyes again. "It hurts me that you feel this way, more than anything I'd felt these past weeks, like you wouldn't believe. Just how you really… honestly  _think_ , that you  _shouldn't_  feel good about yourself—that you've felt this way forever—and prefer  _not to_  if you thought it'd keep the Candy People from getting hurt. And don't get me wrong, helping them's super important! But if there's one thing I learned these last couple years, growing up, so is loving yourself. And if you fail someone, or yourself, then, bunk that noise! You gotta just get up, succeed, and be ready to fail again! Because life… just,  _does that_ , sometimes! And if you're afraid of that, then you might as well do nothing at all!"

" _And I get_ … that you feel like you've donked up, PB." The princess swallowed, and bobbed in quick, slight little nods. Finn mimicked her, "That you do it, a lot. And, same here!" he claimed, patting himself with both hands. "I've donked it hard so many times, it got to the point where I wanted to just quit doing stuff altogether!  _But that's_ …!" He rose a robotic fist, looking to make some grand statement but, ultimately, it dropped with all its weight thumping against his leg. His brows furrowed and dejection clouded the light in his eyes.

"But that isn't the way to do things," he sighed. "This must sound super obvs, but it's true! You just learn from your donks, you know? I-I'm not a fortune teller, or anything, but I am  _definitely_  a kinda great judge of character, and… and you know what I think, Bonnie?"

The sound of her name made the princess incline her head, if only slightly, by pure habit.

"Despite all this absolute  _garbage_  I've gone through these past few weeks… right here, now, I think it's changed me for the better. And I feel like you have, too… Right?"

Two entire seconds ticked by before Bonnie, with a small start, realized he was awaiting an answer. She didn't even need to think about it when she bobbed her head in a quiet, solemn agreement—in truth, there were few days of her long life that Bonnie remembered in perfect clarity.

But this, without a doubt, would be one of them.

And with Finn's soft little smile, his ever-moistened eyes—the way her hero looked now, as he uttered his next words, would stay with the princess forever:

"I hope you believe me, when I tell you you're one of the greatest people I've ever known, Bonnie."

Her reaction was a prompt slur of words: "You don't mean that," she countered.

"I do," Finn breathed, smiling.

"No, you don't." She felt her eyes start to prickle.

"I do, I do!" He grinned. "Bonnie,  _Glob's sake_ , this is  _me_  you're talking to!"

_…_ _Click!_

That's what Bonnie heard, in her own brain, in her own voice—when something finally made sense and her heart suddenly, almost painfully, jolted upright, and the whole world looked so much brighter.

"Yes…" she whispered, nodding slightly, dumbly even.  _This is Finn that's talking._

"Yeah, it's  _me_ ," he read her thoughts, echoing them, mimicking her motions while startling Bubblegum when he suddenly took her hands into his, by the fingertips. "You really think I'd lie to you, Princess? About  _any_  of this?" She couldn't avert her gaze if she wanted to—his blue eyes were curious as herself at his age, honest as she wanted to be, loving as she always knew she was, and bright as the life she lived and loved more than anything in this world.

She would have assured him wholeheartedly that he wouldn't ever do such a thing, lie to her, had Bonnie not been reeling still from her sudden, obvious, stupidly-brilliant realization.

And of course he had to go and say, "I… I  _love_  you, Princess," demonstrating how far he's come with the persistence of his typical milky-tan complexion. "I do, I really, really do!"

And in that moment, with a shallow, shaky inhale, it clicked with Bonnie for the first time,  _This… This is_ Finn _talking._

 _…_ _Finn! My friend, my… my_ hero _, he wouldn't_ lie _, he… wouldn't_ ever, _lie about this…_

"And you probably think I'm a total freak, or a kid, but I  _swear_  it isn't like that!" He averted his eyes for a second, muttering the obvious, "N-Not totally… anymore, but… But I just… I'm  _happy_ , to know you, you know?" Bonnie forgot to nod again.

"I'm happy that I'm your hero— _I've always_ … loved, being your hero!"

Bonnie wondered if Finn realized her hand was to his heart, also.

"To be someone you rely on and care about…"

Real life, real love, pounding away neath her fingertips at a quick, steady tempo…

"To be as close as we are, out of everyone in Ooo…"

He sniffled, grinning despite the tears in his eyes.

"I mean, I fell the frick apart when I thought it was all nothing to you! Do you… Do you  _really_  think I can just go back, to… to  _nothing_ again? Just like  _that_?"

Finn chose, despite everything he believed just hours ago, to wholeheartedly trust Princess Bubblegum again. He respected her feelings and her flaws, especially now, knowing what he did—and by no means would he ever lie to her like this, just as she wouldn't for him.

But of course, he wouldn't be Finn if he didn't feel like having to explain himself to her.

"I love you Princess," he reaffirmed, their hands between them once more. "And not in a 'let's have tons of sleepovers at your house, or whatever grownups do when they love each other,' kind of way, but, in a way that… a guy can't  _work right_  without the other."

And yet, after saying all that, Finn suddenly had the nerve to shrink in on himself, shy all of a sudden. "This… I bet this all sounds super dumb to you, I know. Like it's all just meaningless crud to a bazillion-year-old Brainiac like you, coming from someone… like…  _me_ , but, it's what I feel! And I really hope you understand what I'm trying to say to you, Princess, what I'm  _really trying to say_ , when I say that I lo— _mff!_ "

He would have finished just fine had Bonnie's lips not been in the way.

It was light and chaste, lasting no longer than a second, and with no intention beyond that of which only two old friends could understand.

He watched her retreat swiftly with a light pop, and her typical light-pink complexion.

"That's for being such a sweetie," she explained. Bonnie winked, finishing, "And I love you too, Hero," and knew that he understood what she meant, by both word and kiss.

From his hesitant but gentle smile, and unruffled composure, she knew, watching her as she pushed herself to her feet. "Come on," she said, holding out a hand. "Let's go make you something to eat. I don't know how to  _cook_ , but…" His fingers twined with hers. "But it can't be that hard, right? I mean, I created a society from literally nothing, lunch is easy."

Finn rose—standing, even near seventeen, he still just barely came up to her chin. "I don't know how to make anything but spaghetti," he said with a smirk, although it didn't hold for long, and his eyes suddenly averted from hers. "But, um, Princess?"

"Mm?" she tilted her head, curious as to why Finn, now of all times, looked bashful.

"I'm…" he hesitated, "I'm kinda exhausted, to be honest. Emotionally, you know? I think I'm gonna go home and get some sleep, explain things to Jake."

Bonnie couldn't help but let her disappointment show.

Finn waved his hands. "I'm not telling him anything too personal!" Color, finally, seeped into his cheeks. "Glob, no, but… I wasn't the only one who believed Patience, you know?"

The princess bowed, understanding. "Of course, please do. I miss Jake, and would like to see him again." She swallowed voicing why her discontent seemed to permeate.

"He's probably not gonna apologize for attacking you," Finn told her in a joking lilt, "just a warning."

Bonnibel tittered lightly. "I won't hold it against him!" Finn mirrored her, huffing a laugh over voicing one.

It wasn't long before silence settled upon the two friends, the Candy Kingdom awash in orange—the sun setting upon the horizon of the Candy Valley to the castle's rear—where both couldn't help but stare into one another's eyes: tired and red, puffy, but brighter than they've been in weeks.

And possibly even longer than that.

Though she didn't know what he felt, Bonnie truly didn't want the feeling to go away. She felt selfish, but not bad about it, as she quietly asked Finn, "Hey, Hero?"

The use of his title gave Finn a noticeable startle, but he bowed his head toward her and asked, "Yeah, Princess? What's wrong?" Concern pushed his brows together.

Bonnie's mouth was already open, answered prepared, but closed again, hearing the dutiful, polite way with which he addressed her. She didn't bother resisting her smirk as she squared her shoulders, and commanded him in a gently-stern tone of voice,

"I hope you aren't planning to peace-out on your princess now?" she inquired. "Especially when you've told the Candy People just how sick I've been feeling! Realistically, it'd probably take a few days, maybe even a week, before I'm feeling better."

Finn just looked so confused.

But slowly, surely, understanding dawned upon his face, then a smile—which transmuted into a grin. "Right, obviously," he said. "What kind of a knight would leave his princess when she needs him most?"

"A pretty crummy one!" Bonnie laughed, and so did Finn, their delight rolling throughout the vast emptiness of the corridor. It died just as their eyes linked once more—though their smiles never waned, and what Bonnie felt inside, it burned, brighter, longer, than it had in forever.

She wasn't sure who initiated it, but both friends smashed into one another, embracing even fiercer than before, in perfect unison.

They remained this way, enveloped so. Except Bonnie was also a mother, and learned to be ever-aware of all of her surroundings (when she wasn't half-asleep in her lab with pizza stuck to the face).

So it didn't escape her who it was that sent a gentle whiff of air brushing overhead, toward the stairwell that spilled into the rest of the castle. She understood why, though.

Marceline couldn't possibly lock the balcony doors from the outside, after all.

 _Thank you, Marcy._ Bonnie knew she couldn't hear her—but she also knew she didn't need to.


	15. Everything (Pt 10) - Final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Different yet the same.

Gentle, orange light leaked through the sliver of a crack between her balcony doors.

Still in her casual-clothes, Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum lay in her massive bed, one hand resting on a now-full belly—the first time in weeks she'd felt so content—with the other upon the small of Finn's back.

He was such a small thing, curled-up against her, snoozing softly. He was out the moment he hit the bed, the poor little thing. And without his hat on, she would even call this wild young man  _innocent_.

A silly notion, but not one that felt inappropriate to Bonnibel. In a world of cannibalistic wildberries, and homeless people who would apparently turn you into a foot just for a laugh, Finn was a bastion of purity in the twisted funhouse that is the Land of Ooo.

 _And stupid me could have ruined that forever._ Bonnibel shook her head of the thought, no longer enduring the burden of guilt, but unable to help herself from thinking about it anyway.

She cursed herself.  _Stop thinking like that, Bonnie. Remember_ what _your hero told you._

There was no specific "what" to Bonnibel, however—"everything" would be a more apt term to use, but, hey… She donked up, and that's okay. She would just use that word in the future, across many instances these coming years, where lessons learned today would drill themselves into her head, both for herself, and for the sake of others.

 _"_ _Princess?"_ Finn whispered. Loudly.  _"You still awake?"_

 _"…_ _I DUNNO,"_ Bonnie mimicked. She smiled to hear him laughing softly, muttering, "Weirdo," in a breath, surely loud enough for her to hear, and she bopped him one on the bottom.

He snorted. "Ooh, do that again, please."

Bonnie gaped, grinning despite herself. "Dude, I will  _throw you_  in the dungeon, I swear."

"Oh my Glob,  _yes_."

That earned him one in the head—Finn cackled into her side, hard. The princess just sighed with a roll of the eyes. "You and Marceline," she grumbled, sliding her foot in. "Kindred spirits, honestly."

"Hey, blame her!" he shot back, his smile audible. "She's the one who makes those jokes."

She had a hunch, but played along anyway. "Awesome, now I know who to blame for tainting your purity."

"Oh, I lost that a while ago, Bubs. To a little girl named Penny."

There was a beat.

Bonnibel's soft giggling filled the room, bouncing off her spacious walls. And when Finn joined in, hesitant at first, the absurdity of it all just got to her—finding humor in something so juvenile and morally wrong—and her giggles morphed into guffaws, then snorts in her efforts to smother them.

"That's so bad, I'm sorry," she said into her fingers.

"And  _we're_  the ones with dirty minds?" Finn joked, his head feeling like it'd shifted to look at her.

Bonnie tilted her head forward, gazing above her chest at a pair of humored blue eyes peering back. She was grinning still, the final throes of her amusement pushing out her nose as she scooted back, keeping an arm around Finn as he maneuvered with her, until he was laying against her side and herself sitting up.

Comfortable, she asked him, "Now what did you wanna tell me?"

"…Oh, that's right." Finn, who, too, had an arm behind her back, tightened it a little when he asked, "What're we gonna do about Patience St. Pim? I mean…" he must have noticed her instant-scowl, "…she seems like a pretty dangerous person, given what she's able to do."

_Ice magic and screwing with people's lives, it seems._

Her eyes rolled upward, to the ceiling. "She's just a smarter Ice King, Finn—totally  _nuts_ , but crafty." Bonnie stroked her skinny, upraised thigh. "S'long as we keep an eye out for her games, and stick together, she won't ever get a leg up on us."

Finn, too, was gazing up at the ceiling. "Right," he nodded.

Seconds of silence ticked by. Bonnie felt a twinge of curiosity tickle her insides—or perhaps that was just more of this "happy" feeling, she joked to herself.

"Is there something more, Finn?" she asked, gazing downward. Something must have been bothering him enough to keep him awake, and Bubblegum doubted it was solely for a cold fart like Patience.

"Yeah…" he dragged out the word, then, swiftly, his gaze and head swiveled upward so he could see her face. "Do you, like, want Jake and I to put the security camera back?"

There was a beat before Bonnie gaped, startled, as she realized what he meant. "Oh! Finn, that wasn't—I mean, the camera's all been deactivated for  _months_  now," she told him, and Finn hummed thoughtfully, "But I do trust you guys, seriously! It's just, I had it there originally to—"

"Wait, Bonnie, before you say anything: Jake and I've known about it for years."

Well, now she didn't know what to say, but she had to tell him something, for it's been quiet for three seconds, four… "Oh," was the best she could come up with, and then, curious herself, asked, "You have?" She wondered what they must have thought about it, if neither of them had ever brought it up to her.

Finn explained, "Jake found it while cleaning one day—"

"Jake  _cleans_!?" This was somehow more surprising.

The boy snorted back his laughter. "Okay, don't tell him I told you this, but it was during that whole episode where Lady wanted to teach Jake better habits, so she went and cleaned our house and he got really annoyed?"

"Right." Secretly, Bonnie was a little bit ashamed to know exactly what he was talking about. She didn't pay attention though, as it was clear Finn and Jake were fine as always that day, especially with her old Rainicorn friend around.

"Yeah, we figured it was yours," Finn revealed, as if commenting on the weather. "Didn't think much of it though. For the longest time we thought it was sorta like some weird, big sister-complex, like you wanted to keep an eye on us. It was kinda cool to be honest!"

She was still taken aback at how well they took this.  _They've known for_ years _…_

"O-Oh, yeah!" she replied with obvious delay. "I mean, you're not incorrect, actually."

"We made sure never to have our biweekly naked dance party in that room though."

Bonnie grimaced, ridiculous enough to elicit a snicker from Finn. " _Thanks,_ dude, for the courtesy."

He smiled brightly. "No problem, Bubs!" She just shook her head, biting the inside of her cheek.

The warmth in her chest still hadn't waned, not since Finn said all those things to her in the hallway. Surely it wouldn't last forever, she didn't expect it too—but that was more likely than simply never feeling this good again.

And that made Bonnibel Bubblegum so, incredibly…  _happy_.

So happy, that she couldn't help but feel sad.  _I almost lost all of this. I DID lose all of this… But I won it back. And yet…_

That didn't erase what happened—though Bonnie accepted this as fact, learned from it, the crushing regret from letting it happen again at the same time feared her and also drove her even harder to not forget.

Especially when there was still one last thing she failed to amend for. "Finn?"

"Mm?" He sounded half asleep—glancing down, the princess realized that he was, and snuggled into her side again.

"I'm sorry for those phone messages I sent you guys. I know they weren't genuine, but I still said some pretty awful stuff."

Finn picked his head up from her breast, eyes squinting still. "I never heard any phone messages from you," he told her. "This whole time, Jake and I thought you didn't care enough to call."

The princess was so stunned, her entire body jolted at once. "What!? But how?" she cried, then his second sentence registered. "I mean, of course I did!  _I mean_ ," _focus PB_ , she told herself, "I know I did, didn't I? Your messaging machine was still the same, I'm positive I didn't oversee something here."

"No, no, you're right, it is." Finn spoke in a tone urging her to relax, as the hand curled on her opposing side caressed it soothingly. "But I'm confused, too. The only thing that's changed is how it's  _Beemo_  who takes our phone calls no—" Finn froze, then frowned.

"Oh. It's Beemo."

" _What_?"

Finn hesitated. "Yeah, he… was very vocal… the night I finally realized, or thought, that Patience was right. That it was all…" Finn swallowed audibly. "He knew it was your phone number, so he must have…"

"Don't hold it against him, Princess. He was only trying to keep me from, from being sad, and stuff…"

Bonnie couldn't find the heart to blame anyone for doing such a thing, especially someone as innocent and well-intentioned as BMO. "You're better off never hearing them," she said.

"Why? What were they?"

"Just more of my numerous mess-ups." She did her best to sound casual about it. "Immortalized in recordings as a complete set. Totally thoughtless driz coming out of my drizzly butt-for-a-brain."

She must have sounded like she was beating herself up—and in truth Bonnie felt that way, and that it was justified—for Finn gently told her, "It's really okay, Princess. I honestly don't even care about that anymore."

"But  _I_  do," she cried softly. Bonnie wasn't met with a reply. "Um, Fi—?"

A finger was suddenly on her lips, sealing them. "Go to sleep already, ya weirdo." Bubblegum licked his finger in retaliation. "Ay-hey!" He wiped it into her side, where he then jabbed swiftly, making the princess jolt with some truly majestic giggle-snorts.

The completionist within Bubblegum vied to say more, yet, something inside her, this good feeling that still hadn't abated, swelled a little as if to tell her she needn't bother: there was no reason to. Finn had made that perfectly clear already.

And so with a smile, "Alright," and a peck on the forehead, Bonnie murmured to her hero, "Sleep well, my Hero."

"'Night, Princess, I…" Finn trailed off—somehow, some way, even after everything he'd said, saying it again gave him a heavy tongue, and turned his fair complexion an adorable, almost invisible shade of red.

Bonnie's smile deepened. She noticed his did as well before laying her head back, eyes flitting shut. "I love you too, Finn."

Only then, did Bonnibel Bubblegum notice how neither half of her brain had debated before admitting this. She didn't even need to  _think_.

It was just like before, when she belted it out in a desperate bid to get Finn to believe her. Deciding what to call him was so incredibly hard: a knight, a friend... stability, even? Family? Concepts too exclusive yet simultaneously flexible for her inexperienced self to understand. Such concepts which gave her head a terrible ache, worse than anything science-related she'd done before. Science was simple - it was cut and dry, no two-ways about how things work on a technical level; they simply  _are_.

To categorize these concepts in a manner she could understand was hard, as her utter word-vomit with the picture frame would testify. But how she actually  _felt_  about Finn? Deep inside?

_...'I'm trying to say that you're a hero, Finn!'_

She didn't need to think twice.

 _'You're_ my  _hero...'_

Bonnie took it as a sign.

* * *

**I based Bubblegum's outfit off of fan art by Flying Paper Dragons, on Tumblr. It was super cute, I just had to implement it somehow.**

**This story is concluded. Thank you all for reading this to the end, and if you liked it, even better!**


	16. Closing Thoughts from Author

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why I wrote this story

_**Closing Thoughts from Only:** _

_**Why I wrote this story/some explanations** _

* * *

When I first set out to write a story about two people screaming at each other, I did so with a singular goal in mind: to show everyone just how important Finn is to Bubblegum, and vice versa.

The idea came to me when I saw people, even now, question the worth of their friendship. I've seen a few even go as far as to say that PB doesn't really care about Finn - that she could just replace him, and because she hardly ever shows she cares, it's a shallow and one-sided relationship; she just uses Finn because he'll do favors for her, and it makes her come off as this master manipulator.

A particular comment was what finally spurred me to want to write this, repeatedly cropping up after 'Islands' in reference to their farewell scene in The Invitation - a common remark is how Bonnie cared more in this scene than the entire series, and even then it was a pretty meager farewell.

Now, I wholly disagree with that, and to go off on a tangent, just look at Bubblegum's body language and facial expressions: she has stress lines beneath her eyes when hugging Finn and assuring herself that he'll be okay. This isn't someone who couldn't give less of a damn! Considering who Bonnie is and how she's acted across the series, she's likely losing her mind with worry, and is just hiding it really well.

But back to this story!

The heart of Finn's conflict, and his adamant disbelief of Bonnie's pleas, was a reflection of these complaints. Because Princess Bubblegum, admittedly, doesn't express herself very much (tis why it was so hard for her to explain these complicated feelings she likely in-canon never thought about before) but she expresses her feelings through action. From what you read in this story, I doubt PB fakes her feelings or puts on a performance, because Adventure Time just doesn't have characters lie like that. Despite its heavier themes and stories, AT is actually a very positive show when you look past the surface, and how the characters feel is honest and passionate - never fake.

So, I wanted to make a story about how I interpret Finn and Bonnie's relationship, and I did this solely using evidence from the show and making observations upon that. As an Anonymous user pointed out, everything mentioned in this story (except for the bit about Lady) was something that had happened in-canon. And I know it would've made the world feel more authentic - because trust me, no one is as aware of this as me, how stuff still happens between episodes - and I don't doubt that Finn and PB see each other often when the camera isn't on them. However, in order to get my point across, I wanted to use specific, famous examples from the show where Bubblegum displayed some odd behavior - like in Apple Wedding, Too Young, and yes, even Food Chain: despite being non-canon, I wanted to pretend that it is for this story, just because I thought it'd be a fun reference for everybody. Especially since Finn and PB sing together, and I always wondered what that was supposed to look like on their end.

It seems like I'm rambling about this point, but it's so I can emphasize that everything you saw unfold in this story, I genuinely believe it's how Bubblegum truly feels in-canon: she messes up a lot, gets people hurt, doesn't let herself think about it, and she never learns; Bonnie has a lot on her plate, so she hardly ever reminisces about the past, but instead throws herself into enjoying the moment. Now with that being said, no, I don't  _actually_ think Princess is genuinely unhappy - as that was a point I was hoping she was able to properly convey - but rather, I believe because of her duties and self-imposed "sacrifices" in the name of responsibility, I see an individual who doesn't allow herself to live her own life because she devotes herself to that of her people.

And this is why I think Finn is so important to her. He may seem like just an errand boy on the surface, but, given Bonnie's actual, real social life, her personality, and her evident flattery toward his loyalty in the earlier seasons, I think he's irreplaceable to her. I see Finn as someone she greatly values, even if she doesn't make a huge show of it every time he goes to get her a gemstone or whatever.

This is what I meant when Bubblegum called him her hero, and why the final chapter is titled "everything." Because, I feel like Finn is more than a friend to PB, and she's more than a friend to him: he's her knight, and she's his princess. His loyalty for her runs deep, and the purpose Bubblegum gives Finn's life warrants it. There's so many facets to their relationship, just naming it one thing doesn't feel like enough - which was Bonnie's problem in the chapter preceding the final ten-parter.

I purposely made this convoluted, and the stance of their relationship reflecting as such with the kiss and whatnot, on purpose. Because, to an outsider looking in, it looks like a mess, this relationship. After all, what kind of friends just kiss each other on the lips, even for a peck? A kiss is always read as a romantic gesture; that, on top of how often they'd said "I love you" really gives off certain underlying vibes.

But they do that because it emphasized just how special their relationship is, how far it's come over the years. Her and Finn's neutral reaction hammers this home. In their friendship, I see something special that'll last Finn's entire lifetime, and I think he and Bubblegum feel the same. Yeah the cuddling was a little shippy, but my point wasn't to make this particular activity a regular sort of thing, but just be a quiet reminder of how badly the two of them missed each other, and didn't want to be apart for a while.

Finn being starved may seem a little dramatic, and, perhaps, this story could have done better without it. But I feel like, if such a conflict were to happen in the show, what I wrote wouldn't be too far from the truth. Finn truly loves the princess, and if he ever "realized" it was all a game on her end, he'd be utterly heartbroken.  _He'd_ be broken. Here, I implemented elements of a sad time in my own life, where I felt such a way, and hardly ate more than an orange per meal or something. I lost a lot of weight, and it wasn't until this was resolved that I got my appetite again.

The repetitive nature of Finn and Bubblegum's argument throughout, I understand, must have been tiring to read. I didn't realize how bad it was while writing it, because I was just so invested in wanting to convey how awful this was for Finn: he was too afraid to believe the princess, because he knew he would, and admitting the truth would just put her in a position to convince him otherwise, and he was afraid of falling for it again.

That's why I trimmed it down, going back, though it isn't perfect. However, what's done is done, and to be fair, as is you'll get a more realistic conversation.

To close off, I wanted to mention the kiss from Too Young - probably the most perplexing moment of PB in the entire show. To be honest, while what you've read is my view on the most likely interpretation, given her character, there's a really good chance that Bubblegum, deep down, does want Finn as a boyfriend - or, perhaps, it's his loyalty to her that she fell in love with. I hope we get this looked into before the series ends.

In fact, given Gumbald's reappearance, and the allusion to a guilt-driven character conflict and Finn's potential involvement, if it warrants it, I'll likely make another "chapter" for this story just to talk about it.

Because Princess Bubblegum is my favorite character in this show, and one of my favorites of all time - hands down. I could literally go on and on about why she's such a fascinating character to think about and talk about, but really, I think my story here speaks for itself.

And for future reviewers, since this is my last chapter indefinitely, I will be replying to your reviews via PM.

_**From the bottom of my ever-loving heart, I thank you, all of you, for taking this ride with me to the bittersweet end. I enjoyed myself immensely writing this story - I think it's a testament to how much I love these characters and this show.** _

_**If you're looking for more Adventure Time works from me, I've continued It'll Be Okay, uploaded a new chapter yesterday in fact. It's dark as hell though, so make sure you got a strong stomach for some pretty heavy topics/themes.** _

_**And for one, final time, I wish to thank you.** _

_**Sincerely, thank you.** _

_**-TheOneAndOnly1993** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware that I posted the entire final chapter in one chunk on here, and that was awful. Which is why I went back and slowly added each part from FF.net onto here, while also doing some editing for each and trimming down the fluff. 
> 
> For those of you who stuck with this to the end, I thank you very much. Have a nice day!


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